German Of The Day: Klartext

May 11, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hypocrisy, Iran, Language, Merkel, Migrants, Refugees, Trump 1 Comment

That means straight talk.

And that’s the kind of talk Angela Merkel was talking today when she said at the German Catholic Congress in Munster: “If everybody does whatever he feels like doing then that is bad news for the world.”

She was referring, of course, to her reckless, emotion-driven, unilateral and illegal decision to provide refuge to anybody and everybody coming from Syria or anywhere else (provided they don’t have any identification papers on them), this having led to the ongoing refugee crisis in Germany and the rest of Europe.

Oh, oops! Sorry. Actually she was referring to Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw from the Iran nuclear deal. But, I dunno, same difference.

“Wenn jeder macht, worauf er Lust hat, ist das eine schlechte Nachricht für die Welt.”

Germans Need To Become Better Integrated

May 6, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Asylum Seekers, Bureaucracy, Diversity, German, Germans, Germany, Integration, Language, Migrants, Refugees, Social Workers Leave a comment

In Germany. That makes sense. Sort of. Well, if you’re the head of Germany’s Federal Immigration and Integration Council it does.

I mean, think about it. They are already doing such a smash-up job integrating the millions of non-Germans out there that this phase of integration will soon be over with and then what are the folks who work over at Federal Immigration and Integration Council going to do? Get integrated back into the labor market (for real jobs)? Hardly.

And I have noticed, I must say, that more and more Germans just don’t really fit in here anymore. Worse still, many of these non-integrated Germans aren’t even open to the idea of letting themselves become properly integrated and even get downright hostile whenever you suggest that they do so. Not that I ever would, of course. I believe in cultural diversity. “Andere Länder, andere Sitten,” as the Germans say. Other countries, other manners. Live and let live, that’s my motto. Although I do wish that some of these non-integrated Germans would at least try to become more integrated in Germany society now and then. This parallel society nonsense ain’t cutting it, either.

“Viele Einheimische sind mit unserem politischen System unzufrieden oder finden ihren Platz in der deutschen Gesellschaft nicht.”

German Of The Day: Standpauke

April 27, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings Tags: Angela Merkel, Bad Cops, Berlin, Donald Trump, German, Germans, Germany, Good Cops, Language, Talks, Tariffs, Trade, Washington Leave a comment

That means lecture. And according to the Spiegel, that’s what Angela Merkel is about to get from Donald Trump.

Well, folks. If it’s not in the Spiegel it didn’t happen. Or ain’t gonna happen, in this case. So “dress warmly,” Angela, as the German saying goes.

After Macron’s two-day Trump charm offensive, Merkel plays “bad cop” in Washington.

Angela Merkel won’t be showered with the pomp and praise that marked Emmanuel Macron’s state visit to Washington this week—let alone with any touch-feely back rubs. The German chancellor comes armed with spreadsheets, rather than Gallic charm, and has just a couple of hours to try and head off Trump’s looming aluminum-and-steel tariffs and protect German businesses.

“In Germany, every fourth job depends on exports. In the industrial sectors, it’s more than every second job.”

German Of The Day: Sozial

April 24, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bodyguards, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Language, Osama bin Laden, Sama A., Terror, Terrorists, Welfare, Welfare State Leave a comment

That means caring. You know, like the German state? It is caring and social (“social” here, of course, just being a different word for “free of charge”).

And it turns out that one of Osama bin Laden’s bodyguards, Tunesian Salafi Sami A. (he lost the other letters of his last name in a tragic car crash or something, I guess) has been receiving over 1,100 euros a month from the social German state since 2008 to chill around the house somewhere in the Ruhr Valley and do nothing except watch his beard grow. Or maybe reminisce now and then about the good old days with the Big O. himself. And the Germans do this even though the Tunisians would like to have a word with Sami A. Germany won’t extradite him, however, being sozial and all and fearing that Tunisia might subject him to “inhuman” or “demeaning” treatment. You know, like not getting him a flat-screen TV or a sufficiently fast WiFi connection for his cell?

You laugh but just think about it. How would Germany look returning the bodyguard of a mass murderer to a country like that?

Die deutsche Justiz geht davon aus, dass A. “mit beachtlicher Wahrscheinlichkeit Folter, unmenschliche oder erniedrigende Behandlung drohen.”

German Of The Day: Kristallklar

April 15, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Airstrikes, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Merkel, Responsibility, Syria 1 Comment

That means crystal-clear. You know, like Germany’s policy of backing the airstrikes in Syria as “necessary and appropriate” – immediately after they have taken place?

This “hat Hand und Fuß” (has hand and foot = rhyme and reason) as immediately before they took place Germany made clear that it would not participate or support these airstrikes in any way. Being a responsible ally with clear conviction beforehand was apparently neither “necessary” nor “appropriate,” you see.

No one here or anywhere else bats an eye at this strange logic (some would call it a contradiction) much less critisizes it because German policy in matters like these where something is asked or expected of them is always contradictory – and no one here or anywhere else very much seems to care. The German conviction is to freeload, in other words. Or perhaps this confusion is not a contradiction at all, just another complex nuance of the German language.

“We support the fact that our American, British and French allies have taken responsibility in this way as permanent members of the UN Security Council.”

German Of The Day: Bratwurst

April 10, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Americans, Food, Foods, German, German Food, Germans, Germany, Language, Videos, YouTube 1 Comment

That means bratwurst. Oh, brother. Dopey Americans eating goofy German food.

“It smells like prune juice and beer had a baby.”

Amerikaner mögen Pizza, Burger und Cola. Was passiert aber, wenn sie deutsches Essen probieren? Was halten sie von Vitamalz, Lakritze und Bratwurst? Ein Youtube-Video zeigt die Antwort.

German Of The Day: Ausbeutung

April 8, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Home Cooking Tags: Antarctica, Astronauts, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Lettuce, Research, Science, Space 1 Comment

That means exploitation. You know, like the exploitation of our planet’s natural resources?

The nerve of mad German scientists these days. Growing salad in Antarctica like that. They should be ashamed. There are German Greens. Then there are German greens.

Antarctica is not the most likely place to find fresh ingredients for a salad. But German scientists have just collected — and eaten — their first batch of lettuce, cucumbers and radishes from a new greenhouse on the frozen continent.

The shipping container-size greenhouse, called EDEN ISS, was installed in February about a quarter-mile (400 meters) from the research station, which is located on the Ekström Ice Shelf. The food-growing lab is providing welcome fresh veggies for Gropp and his other isolated colleagues during long missions in Antarctica. But EDEN ISS has a loftier mission; the facility is an experiment led by the German Aerospace Center (DLR) designed to test the best methods for cultivating crops for astronauts.

German Of The Day: Wer A Sagt, Muss Auch B Sagen

April 5, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Garbage, Garbage Separation, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Waste 2 Comments

“Whoever says A must also say B” means if you dish it out, you have to be able to take it.

And that’s what this pukey little twelve-year-old environmental polluter had to learn, the hard way. Kids these days. He, of all people, should know that Germans take their garbage separation very seriously. But this little punk had the audacity to toss his empty pizza carton into a public garbage can! Hello? Everybody over here knows that you are not allowed to put your own private Hausmüll (domestic refuse) into a public garbage can! Oh, you didn’t know that, either? It was news to me, too. But still.

Anyways, the nasty little delinquent got charged ten euros on the spot and had to shell it out pronto-like or else. Serves him right. I think. It has to do with zero tolerance or something.

Ein Außendienstmitarbeiter des Ordnungsamts beobachtete ihn, stellte einen Strafzettel aus und kassierte die zehn Euro Ordnungsgeld. Zusätzlich soll der Stadtwächter der Mutter gedroht haben, sie für das Parken auf der Bushaltestelle zu verwarnen, wenn die zehn Euro nicht bezahlt werden.

German Of The Day: Entschädigung

March 28, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Austria, Cities, Communities, Fucking, German, Language, Names, Pornhup, Porno, Sexsites, Towns, YouTube 2 Comments

That means compensation.

Hey, what’s in a name, right? The sex site Pornhub has published a YouTube video in which it offers the Austrian town of Fucking – along with a few other towns also having interesting names (listed below) – lifetime free access to its content.

It’s called the Premium Places Program and is meant to help soothe the mental anguish these poor townsfolk must have to go through.

“Where were you born, son?” “You got married where?” “And just where is this cemetary located?”

“In Fucking, Austria, I said. You deaf or something?”

Auch La Vagina in Italien, Orgy in Frankreich, Rectum in den Niederlanden, Bitsch in der Schweiz (Kanton Wallis) und Cumming in den USA gehören unter anderem zu den auserwählten Orten.

German Of The Day: Länderfinanzausgleich

March 22, 2018 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Cities, Debt, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Language, Money, Poverty, Redistribution, Taxation, Wealth 1 Comment

That’s a beauty, isn’t it? And it means “German Länder fiscal equalization scam.” I mean scheme.

And THAT means.. Well, think Robin Hood. The rich and therefore “bad” German states (the ones on the left in the image) must be punished for this and therefore the Robin Hoodlums in the Bundestag take some of their money and give it to the poor and therefore “good” German states (on the right side of the image). Berlin, on top, is actually on bottom, so-to-speak, being the poorest of the poor. The Robin Hoods and the Bundestag are located in Berlin, by the way. But that’s just a coincidence, of course.

The theory being, I’m assuming here, is that this kind of completely unjust robbery and redistribution will encourage the poor “good” German states to finally get their acts together already so the rich “bad” German states don’t have to pay their bills anymore. That’s just a theory, like I said, of mine. I must say, though, this redistribution initiative has certainly had a positive effect here in Berlin these past thirty, forty, fifty years. Once you ignore the fact that not a thing has changed.

Berlin Schlusslicht, Bayern Zahlmeister.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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