German Military To Acquire Armed Drones They Will Never Use

February 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, History, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Bundeswehr, Drones, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Politics, Satire, Technology, War, Warfare 1 Comment

Germany’s military is planning to acquire armed drones which they will never use in a zillion years its Defense Minister said on Friday, reigniting a heated debate in Germany over the ethics of not using such aircraft.

The drones would protect German soldiers in dangerous situations, if we would ever use them that is, which of course we wouldn’t, as German soldiers are never put in dangerous situations in the first place, Thomas de Maiziere told the German government’s YouTube channel in an interview.

Critics of such German drone non-strikes argue that they would end up failing to kill high numbers of innocent civilians and that they would frequently not be launched across sovereign states’ borders – far more frequently than conventional attacks by piloted German aircraft that are never ever launched from anywhere to anyplace, either.

Prior to the official announcement, German opposition lawmakers had already condemned the pointless purchase of the useless, lame-ass, purposeless armed drones, with the head of the Greens parliamentary group Juergen Trittin saying that they could lower the threshold for German military non-engagement even lower than it already is.

“We have a gap in our capabilities which we want to close.”

Secret Weapons Deals?

December 12, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Military Industrial Complex, Pacifism, Peace, Weapons, Weapons Exports 1 Comment

Since when has any of this been a secret?

That Germany is the world’s third largest weapons exporter, I mean (preferably to the Middle East these days, by the way). So what’s the problem here? Germany is simultaneously the world’s number one pacifist nation too, you know.

But to make matters even, uh, better, some here are unabashedly calling this enlightened policy “the Merkel Doctrine” now: It’s better to maintain peace by selling weapons, rather than have to fight for it. They have to be German weapons, of course. But still. You know, help those who help themselves while you’re helping yourself at the same time?

Wait a minute. Hasn’t that always been the doctrine here?

Waffen verkaufen, statt selber zu kämpfen.

EADS-BAE SSA OK?

September 24, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: BEA, Defense Industry, EADS, EU, France, Germany, Mergers, Military, Military Industrial Complex, UK, USA, Weapons Leave a comment

BAE Systems has warned it will walk away from its proposed €35bn tie-up with EADS if the deal waters down its special relationship with the Pentagon.

This SSA, specifies that BAE’s senior leadership in the US is made up of Americans, among other things, and has allowed the UK’s biggest defence company to work on many lucrative US national security projects.

“The [US] military would rather have a BAE than a combined BAE-EADS. BAE has been very successful in managing its US relationship. EADS is not in the same bucket, and a combined EADS-BAE is going to be treated a lot more like EADS than BAE.”

“Smile and Wave”

June 18, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Afghanistan, Armies, Berlin, Bundeswar, Comics, German, Germans, Germany, Graphic Novels, Humor, ISAF, Military, Politics, Satire Leave a comment

What a perfect title for a graphic novel about the Bundeswehr‘s mission in Afghanistan.

German illustrator Arne Jysch has completed his first graphic novel. Congratulations. I’m sure it’s fantasy comic material at it’s finest (in some scenes German soldiers are actually seen doing some fighting, for instance).

“The advantage of fiction is that you can combine real experiences that different people have had (in other armies?) and mix them all up,” he explains.

Jysch has never been to Afghanistan.

PS: I read recently that German soldiers in Afghanistan, being frustrated about having to be German soldiers in Afghanistan, have their own definition for ISAF: I saw Americans fighting.

Germans Now Allowed To Shoot At Pirates

April 19, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, History, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bundeswehr, Defense, EU, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Operation Atalanta, Piracy, Pirates, Satire, Somalia, The Use of Force Leave a comment

On land, even. No, not these pirates. These pirates down here.

Well, they won’t actually be shooting at the pirates per se (that would be bad), but more like at their equipment and stuff. You know, at the loot and the booty on the beaches? This will make the pirates run away and never come back again or at least become good or something.

It is all part of the EU’s anti-pirate Operation Atalanta off the Somali coast so it’s OK for Germans to do this, really.

The German opposition continues to criticise the operation as risky overreach for the forces and has vowed to vote against it.

Bundeswehr Protesting Koran Burning Now, Too

February 24, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Afghanistan, Berlin, Combat, German, Germans, Germany, Islam, Military, Soldiers Leave a comment

In a sharp response to the pure unadulterated fear caused them by the deadly protests now taking place in Afghanistan after the inadvertent burning of copies of the Koran by a US soldier…

The German military has decided to join in the protests itself by rapidly deploying the closure of one of their bases in the north of the country and having their soldiers hightail it in the opposite direction really schnell like where they can run around in sheer panic and large concentric circles not knowing what to do next while screaming oh my God we are all going to die or something to that effect. The few, the proud, the Bundeswehr.

The base would have been shuttered in March, but officials worried its security could not be maintained in the face of the demonstrations.

“We don’t like your profligate spending,”

February 20, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms, Arms exports, Berlin, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Military, Weapons Leave a comment

Germans are always lecturing the Greeks. “Except when it comes to buying our ridiculously expensive weapons systems,” they maybe ought to add.

Over much of the past decade, Greece – which has a population of 11 million – has been one of the top five arms importers in the world.

Most of the vastly expensive weapons, including submarines, tanks and combat aircraft, were made in Germany, France and the United States.

The arms purchases were beyond Greece’s capacity to absorb, even before the financial crisis struck in 2009. Several hundred Leopard battle tanks were bought from Germany, but there was no money to pay for ammunition for their guns. Even in 2010, when the extent of the financial disaster was apparent, Greece bought 223 howitzers and a submarine from Germany at a cost of €403 million.

Let The Protests Begin

February 2, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Military, Missle Shield, NATO, Ramstein, Russia, Satire, Technology 2 Comments

Now that the command center for NATO’s missile shield program will be based here in Germany, it’s time for the German Left (that’s the middle of the road here, by the way) to start telling us why this is an awful bad horrible idea.

My guess is that that we will find out that there are actually no such things as rogue states like Iran (only morally challenged ones), that a missle shield like this is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement, and that putting one into operation (even though it is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement) would hurt Russia’s feelings.

There’s not much happening on the Peace Front either these days, you see. And spring is just around the corner. And folks do get easily bored, you know?

The United States insists that the missile shield aims to counter missile threats from Iran, but Russia has voiced concerns that it would target its own strategic deterrent.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

January 27, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, History, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Satire, US Troops 4 Comments

God punishes us, I mean you, by giving you what you want.

The 1960s saw demonstrations across West Germany against the Vietnam war and the 1980s brought large protests outside some U.S. bases against plans to deploy new medium-range nuclear missiles. U.S. forces have always been viewed by some, especially on the political left, with hostility, as occupiers.

“We Germans fought for the Russians to go, now we are fighting for the Americans to stay.”

This Ain’t Iraq

January 13, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, History Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Satire, Soldiers, Troops 1 Comment

So we can’t pull out completely yet.

But it is time to remove another couple of brigades of American troops from German soil again.

It has long been clear that the US military was going to minimize its presence in Europe. On Thursday, new details emerged, with Washington planning to withdraw two brigades. At least one of those units will be pulled out of Germany.

Europe’s strategic importance for the US military looks to be dwindling.

PS: Speaking of violence… The military is violent, right? And the American military is the most violent of all , right? And we live in the most violent of times, right? Forget it. Everything you know is wrong. Violence is a myth.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Military