Pleasant Christmas Smells Make Germans Sick

And here you always figured that your lousy Chirstmas spirit had to do with the dreaded Verwandtenbesuch (visiting relatives). Well, it does. But recent research indicates that Christmas smells in abundance (and they always are this time of year) can also make Germans irritable and depressed.

Smell

That’s right. Aromatic candles, incense, advent wreaths with cinnamon and cloves, vanilla, anise, coriander, you name it. All these wonderfully smelly yule tide substances now pose a health threat to us (I mean you) and should be enjoyed in moderation only. I mean not be enjoyed in moderation only, of course.

Bah! Humbug already!

“Zuerst empfindet man den Duft noch als angenehm, aber bald schon kippt die Stimmung, man fühlt sich unwohl, leer oder gereizt.”

You Can’t Even Count On German Hypochondria Anymore

One can only muster up just so much angst, I guess. Even if you’re a German. There’s just never going to be enough of it to go around to make everybody happy. I mean unhappy.


 
That’s right. Current German Angstzustände (states of anxiety) just ain’t what they used to be. German angst being the complex, ever-changing and unstable condition that it is, a new Forsa study has indicated that, for the moment at least, Germans are actually more frightened of the ongoing European debt crisis than they are of the worries they make about their own health, or lack of it.

How it could come to this unexpected result is very puzzling for many, myself included, but one researcher has come up with a startling new theory that might explain this sudden and eerie angst turnaround. He believes that the permanent media reports about sicknesses and health risks stir up people’s worries and fears (duh), but with all the media attention being focused on the debt crisis these days, common disease mongering has simply been coming up too short on the angst Skala (scale).

Boy I sure hope that they finally get this Eurpean debt crisis crap over with soon so we can get back to business.

“Es scheint, als ob permanente Medienberichte über Krankheiten und Gesundheitsrisiken auch die Ängste der Menschen schüren.”

Germans Have Psychological Issues With Regards To Amerika?

Like, dude. I honestly had no idea.

German schadenfreude knows no bounds, particularly when it comes to the United States. The country loves to feel superior to a superpower like America. Yet Germany also harbors a childish infatuation with Obama — one which has little political grounding. The reasons are psychological.

…The criticism of America has always been a bit infantile. One is familiar with the theory from psychoanalysis, when people talk about transference, or when suppressed feelings or emotions are overcome by projecting them onto others. It may work for a while, improving one’s feeling of self-worth by devaluing an imagined adversary. But it always falls short. Which is why the ritual must be constantly carried out anew.

Internet Making Germans Dumber

It’s called “Digitale Demenz” (Digital Dementia) or something.

“Avoid digital media,” one smart German is warning his countrymen. “As shown here many times over, they truly do make us fat, dumb, aggressive, lonely, sick and unhappy.”

Nice try, buddy. But what you’ve failed to consider here (being a German yourelf), is that Germans don’t need any help from anybody or anything at any time when it comes to being aggressive, lonely, sick and unhappy. They’re naturals at it. As for the Internet making them fat and dumb, well, OK. If you say so.

The strange thing though is that everywhere else on Planet Earth it appears as if the Internet is actually making us smarter. Whatever. I guess maybe that’s how it is with Deutsche Sonderwege (German separate paths), it’s the exception that always proves the rule.

Such findings refute the claims of those who warn that humanity is getting dumber. We’re “amusing ourselves to death,” American media theorist and critic Neil Postman argued in a 1985 book of the same name. Postman blamed television for a decline in cognitive skills. Since then, however, the average IQ in the US has risen by nearly 10 points.

Citizens Of Düsseldorf Least Miserable Germans This Year

At least according to this year’s Glücksatlas (Happiness Atlas) they are. Oh boy and good for them or something.

But why they don’t just come out and call the damned thing the Misery Atlas, I’ll never know.

Am zufriedensten sind die Deutschen in den Regionen Hamburg (7,23 Punkte), Niedersachsen/Nordsee (7,16), Süd-Bayern (7,11) und Franken (7,10). Auf den letzten Plätzen rangieren Brandenburg (6,63), Mecklenburg-Vorpommern (6,58) und Sachsen-Anhalt (6,56). 

Must See TV 4 Me

Finally, German TV for the rest of us. Hot diggity dog.

A new mini-series is starting on ZDFneo called “German Angst” and promises to finally and definitively answer a question that has been puzzling me for many years: “Are Germans really as neurotic as everybody thinks they are and just what is it that they are afraid of?” Actually, it’s the second part of that question I’m interested in. I already know the answer to the first part.

Of course if the show can actually hold that promise or not, that’s another thing. And how the hell are they going to find all this out in just 6 short episodes?

“Ich bin Autor und Reporter auf der Suche nach der Angst.”

Guilty Until Your Boyfriend Is Proven Guilty

Sports builds character or something. Guilty by association in Germany (or in this case London)? How ya figure?

Although she has never been associated with any far-right statements or actions, German Olympic rower Nadja Drygalla has a boyfriend who has. This is not vorgesehen (provided for) in Germany, however, and therefore she must now be made a public outcast.

If her boyfriend had been an open supporter of say, the Red Army Faction, no one in Germany would have cared. But hey, I don’t make the rules here. So deal with it, lady. It’s show (trial) time.

“It is the right impulse to be very cautious when it comes to extremism in Germany. But that also caused a number of overreactions in the past and the case of Ms. Drygalla is one of it.”

German Journalists Concerned About Disinformation?

Since when? This is classic German mind gymnastics for me. Take something simple and make it complicated. Then add a dash of sinister anti-American consipiracy theory (or anti-Western, if you prefer), a clove of institutionalised German peacenik guilt complex, hand-wring thoroughly and then serve warm.

Mr. Todenhöfer faulted Mr. Reuter and other Western journalists for what he called their willingness to accept the rebel (Syrian) narrative, with its uncorroborated casualty reports, unverified videos of destruction and anonymous witnesses to atrocities by soldiers and thuggish militiamen. “I criticize their disinformation campaigns and their dreadful ‘massacre marketing,’ ” he said.

He has castigated Western press coverage of the Syrian conflict, calling it unfairly hostile to Mr. Assad and overly sympathetic to his enemies.

“Mr. Assad still holds the authority among the majority of the population.”

This Is A German Swearing

Boy, talk about the line being busy.

Two German entrepreneurs have devised a way for passive-aggressive citizens to blow off some steam – dial a telephone number and give the person on the other end a verbal lashing.

The swearing hotline, known as “Schimpf-los” (“swear away”) in German, has operators standing by seven days a week for frustrated individuals to jeer at and taunt using the most unsavory language they can muster.

“That’s the third time I’ve heard that today – is that all you’ve got?”

Inferiority Superiority Complex

North, south. Inferiority, superiority. It’s all the same to me.

Germans export more to their European partners than they consume, benefiting from this asymmetrical situation even as they expect everyone else to be exporters and savers like them.