“The President Impersonator”

And this is the Spiegel we’re talking about here, folks.

Barack

Barack Obama wants to let the US Congress decide on whether to attack Syria or not, supposedly out of respect for “democracy and the constitution.” In reality he is doubtless shirking the responsibility of having to make an unpopular decision and endangering the credibility of world power America.

Barack Obama will den US-Kongress über Angriffe in Syrien entscheiden lassen, angeblich aus Respekt vor “Demokratie und Verfassung”. In Wahrheit drückt er sich wohl vor einer unpopulären Entscheidung und gefährdet so die Glaubwürdigkeit der Weltmacht Amerika.

And This Year’s Winner Of The German Spitzel, Spy And Whistleblower Award Goes To…

When you get the top award in the category of Best Informant from a country like Germany, you know you have most definitley reached the top of your game.

Snowden

And so it comes as no surprise to most Hollywood award-watchers out there that Edward Snowden has just received the German “Whistleblower Prize” in recognition of his “bold efforts” to expose the monitoring of communications data by his trusted, I mean trusting employer.

As we all know, Germany enjoys an incredibly long and rich tradition of abusing individual freedoms, usually in the form of “Spitzel” or spying activity practised between private individuals, regardless of the current political or totalitarian system they may find themselves in, so this prestigeous award immediately skyrockets Snowden to the exalted ranks of the top double-crossing turncoats of recent German, if not world history.

Snowden himself was speechless. But this was mostly because he was not available for comment, nor will he be able to pick up said award for some strange reason, but still.

“Wir sind Edward Snowden außerordentlich dankbar.”

“Syria Tests Germany’s Culture of Reluctance?”

Reluctance? No reluctance here. Saying no is the standard German operating procedure in this country. You know that, Karl-Theodor. It’s just good-old German irresponsibility when it comes to international matters that might actually cost them something.

Syria

So what’s being “tested?” I don’t get it. Why waste all these words and all this time trying to make something so blood simple appear to be so complicated, Karl-Theodor? No need to explain. This is standard operationg procedure in Germany, too.

In the wake of the chemical weapons attack near Damascus, Western military strikes against Syria seem imminent. And Germany will once again demand a special role.

PS: Important German of the day here: Extrawurst. That means “extra wurst” of course, or special treatment.

More Naked Political Reality

Now these are what I call political animals. Grrrr.

Femen

A bunch of Femen activists were demonstrating again somewhere in Berlin today against somebody cracking down on their Femen activities somewhere in some country some place as if somebody could care less or was even freakin’ listening.

Activism sure can be a dirty business, can’t it? And nasty, too. But somebody’s got to do it.

“My boobs, my bombs.”

German of the Day: Veggie-Klatsch

A smack upside they green veggie heads, in other words.

Veggie

If you believe the latest voter survey, that’s what the German Greens are getting at the moment.

Seems to have something to do with their recent Veggie Day Offensive. Or maybe it has something to do with their overall everyday offensiveness or another one of their many other offensive ambitious dreams for Verbotsrepublik Deutschland. Hard to say for sure.

NEUE WÄHLER-UMFRAGE SCHOCKT TRITTIN & CO.

How Secure Is “Email Made In Germany?”

“Boom Triggered By NSA: German Email Services Report Surge in Demand”

Email

But just how secure is email made in Germany? Way Secure.

Email made in Germany is double-triple-quadruple encrypted. And then it gets double-triple-quadruple encrypted again.

Email made in Germany is so secure that an email made in Germany warns you when you try to send it to someone the email made in Germany hasn’t been introduced to yet.

Secure? Why email made in Germany never leaves local servers, thus ensuring that the email made in Germany stays right here in Germany where it belongs verdammt noch mal (dadgummit)!

We’re talking secure here, people. Email made in Germany is so secure that when we say it never leaves local servers we mean it never leaves local servers. Ever. It never even gets delivered at all.

“I would strongly recommend against anyone trusting their private data to a company with physical ties to the United States.”

Makes Sense To Me

“US Experts Want More Leadership from Germany”

There hasn’t been any leadership in the US for about five years now. Somebody ought to start doing  it one of these days.

Obama in Berlin

Germans aren’t the only ones with interests at stake in next month’s election. The US is watching too — and Washington is hoping that, once the campaign is history, Germany will show more leadership on global issues.

“I think the assumption Americans have is that Germany should always step up and take responsibility commensurate with its weight in the world.”

PS: There was yet another anomaly in the GCG (Gun Control Germany) yesterday.

Warum hört eigentlich keiner mehr auf Amerika?

How come nobody listens to America anymore?

Obama

Good question. Beats the hell out of me.

“We have been very clear to the Assad regime — but also to other players on the ground — that a red line for us is we start seeing a whole bunch of chemical weapons moving around or being utilized. “That would change my calculus; that would change my equation.”

“Ich habe bis jetzt kein militärisches Eingreifen angeordnet, aber für uns ist eine rote Linie überschritten, wenn eine ganze Menge chemischer Waffen bewegt oder eingesetzt wird.”

PS: And speaking of changing your equation, sometimes a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.

Bradley Manning

Why Won’t Germany Finally Introduce Stricter Gun Control Legislation?

Oh, I forgot. They already have.

Dossenheim

Three Dead After Shooting in Club House

This must be another anomaly or something.

Ein Mann schießt wild um sich, tötet und verletzt andere. Dann richtet er sich selbst. Die Frage nach dem Warum ist noch ungeklärt.

And We Don’t Trust That Dad Gum Internetz Neither

One in seven Germans shuns the Internet completely.

Shun

Those are actual Germans up there shunning the actual Internet with an actual laptop, I think.

Totally unrelated PS: Profiteering: Crisis Has Saved Germany 40 Billion Euros