Russia Triggering Massive German Military Shift Or Something

February 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Crimea, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Russia, Satire, Ukraine, Ursula von der Leyen 1 Comment

Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen has said that she has had it up to here with Russia’s use of unconventional military force to exploit its dominance over former Soviet states and sees no other choice but to begin threatening Russia with Germany’s massive military might or something. In the future sometime perhaps, that is. Maybe.

She has even gone so far as to begin plans for the publication of a so-called “white book” as early as next year. Or the year after, these things take time. The Russian military was not immediately available for comment as they were completely out of breath with shock and awe upon hearing this.

“What is our reaction to the attempt to establish a geopolitical projection of power through military violence as a form of influence?” she asked no one in particular. “How do I know? I’m just the Defense Minister of Germany. But it’s bound to be in that white book and I just can’t wait to read what it will be.”

German Of The Day: Die Befriedigung Voyeuristischer Bedürfnisse

February 13, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hurt Feelings Tags: Big Brother, German, Germans, Germany, Heidi Klum, Language, Mars, Mars One, Reality TV, Space Travel, TV Leave a comment

That means the satisfaction of voyeuristic needs. And that is not, this guy here below repeats, NOT what his possible participation in the upcoming reality-show-media-spectacle “Mars One” on RTL is going to be about.

Well not for him, perhaps. He says he just wants to make the world a better place. On Mars (he’s young – and has an SPD party membership book). And of the 200,000 people who have applied to take part in this cosmic kamikaze picnic he has made it all the way up to the last 660 future contestants batch. You know, he’s still being casted like they do on Germany’s Next Topmodel by Heidi Klum? His mom must be really proud.

You see, the planned “Mars One” mission will need lots and lots of dough to properly sponsor, I mean send their crews to their deaths and that’s why the TV rights have already been sold to the Dutch production firm Endemol, the same folks who bring us, I mean you, shows like Big Brother. So I guess we know where this is going – other than to Mars, I mean – but it has nothing whatsoever to do with the satisfaction of voyeuristic needs, to come full circle again already. No, it clearly doesn’t. It’s just about a simple suicide mission to Mars. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hey, I’m all for the exploration of Mars. But a one-way ticket there for human beings in reality show format is, well, as one guy in the article rightly points out, “ethically questionable” to say the least.

Es geht nicht um die Befriedigung voyeuristischer Bedürfnisse.

Which Name’s Worse?

February 11, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hate, Helplessness, Hideology, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Deso Dogg, Germany, Homegrown Terrorism, ISIS, Islamic Terrorists, Rappers, Syria, Terrorists 1 Comment

Denis Cusper, Deso Dogg or Abu Talha al-Alman?

Personally, I’d go with Denis Da Dogg. I mean, he is still trying to sell records, right?

The U.S. State Department has designated a German rapper an international terrorist due to his work as a “willing pitchman” for ISIS, including an appearance in a recruitment video holding a severed head, NBC News reports.

I got your Haftbefehl for you right here, pal.

Let The Campaign Begin

February 10, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: 1936 Olympics, 2024 Olympics, Berlin, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Metronaut, Nazi Germany, Nazis Leave a comment

Berlin officials have reacted angrily to a series of fake, Nazi-style ads purporting to be part of the German capital’s campaign for the 2024 Olympics.

The spoof ads appeared last week on a satirical blog called Metronaut. Several of the ads were based on actual posters from the 1936 Berlin Olympics, which Adolf Hitler used to showcase Nazi Germany to the world.

City officials issued demands via lawyers on Monday to remove their logo and names from the ads.

Metronaut’s co-founder, John F. Nebel, says the ads were meant to spark a discussion about the darkest chapter in Berlin’s history.

Germany And USA Divided Over How Best Not To Do Anything In Ukraine

February 9, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, History, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Aggression, Appeasement, Berlin, Crimea, Failure, Fear, Humor, Inaction, Merkel, Obama, Putin, Russia, Satire, Ukraine, Washington 3 Comments

Although President Obama just went out of his way to stress that Russia’s aggression against Ukraine only reinforces the unity of the US and Europe to not do anything about it, Chancellor Merkel’s visit to Washington today nevertheless made clear once again just how wide their views differ when it comes down to the how-not-to-do-anything-about-it part.

Washington, on the one hand, prefers talking about maybe sending weapons someday perhaps but let’s not rush into things because these are weapons we’re talking about here after all people while Merkel, for her part, categorically rejects the idea of sending weapons that are never going to be sent anyway, preferring instead more negotiations about negotiations with whoever feels like negotiating about anything at anytime anywhere, stressing here how crucial it was “that the West stand up for Ukraine,” provided, of course, that this remain a purely figurative expression devoid of anything that could even remotely be interpreted as meaning “like actually standing up for Ukraine or anything.”

“If we give up this principle of territorial integrity of countries, then we will not be able to maintain the peaceful order of Europe.”

Germany New Measles Superpower

February 8, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Brian Williams, Immunization, Journalism, Measles, Media, Medicine, Vaccinations 1 Comment

And here you thought US-Amerika must be a world leader when it came to irresponsible immunization rates. The United States has been shocked by a surge in measles cases with more than 100 incidents in January alone. This, however, is much less worrisome than a current outbreak in Germany. While authorities there had hoped to completely eliminate the disease this year, 254 new cases emerged in January, primarily in Berlin. If we consider that the German population is only one fourth of the United States’, the German measles surge was about 10 times worse than the one in the United States in January, relative to the total population. “The outbreak in Berlin is a sobering setback. In general, Germany’s immunization rate is too low.”

PS: Germans are also super-good at producing journalists who like to twist the facts, too. Their lies might not be quite as spectacular as other journalists‘ lies are, but still.

German-Americans So Well-Integrated They Make Other Americans Sick

February 5, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, History, Home Cooking Tags: Ethnic Groups, German-Americans, Germans, Germany, Humor, Immigration, Satire, United States 3 Comments

I mean, like what’s the point of coming to this country if you don’t even try to bore everybody with stories about your ethnic roots all the time? That’s totally un-American misbehavior, if you ask me. But German-Americans are that way. They’re different. They’re kind of like German-Germans, if you know what I’m saying. They’re tricky.

German-Americans are America’s largest single ethnic group (if you divide Hispanics into Mexican-Americans, Cuban-Americans, etc). In 2013, according to the Census bureau, 46m Americans claimed German ancestry: more than the number who traced their roots to Ireland (33m) or England (25m). In whole swathes of the northern United States, German-Americans outnumber any other group (see map). Some 41% of the people in Wisconsin are of Teutonic stock.

Yet despite their numbers, they are barely visible. Everyone knows that Michael Dukakis is Greek-American, the Kennedy clan hail from Ireland and Mario Cuomo was an Italian-American. Fewer notice that John Boehner, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, and Rand Paul, a senator from Kentucky with presidential ambitions, are of German origin.

Reproduction Regulators Recommend Rigorous Reform

February 1, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Child Benefits, Children, Demographics, Families, German, Germans, Germany, Kindergeld, Population, State Control, State Spending, Taxation, Traditions 5 Comments

The logic appears to go like this: Germans will only have children if they are paid by the state to do so.

That this money must first be taken from them by the state to only later be given back to them if they behave properly (improperly?) is the first oddity here but not really the issue at the moment – or at least not the one German politicians want to talk about. The problem now is that Germans aren’t having enough children (only 12% of families with children here have 3 or more). They are not following the German reproduction regulation logic like they are supposed to and are refusing to have large families despite regular increases to the child benefit or Kindergeld payments given here.

In an attempt to counteract what is now the German one-child-per-family-if-they-have-any-children-at-all tradition, some reproduction regulators are suggesting that families now be given higher payments for each successive child born. I’m sure this will work just great. Well, I’m kind of sure it might work maybe, I mean.

Of course more money will first have to be taken in from the Germans before some of it can be given back to some of them again but that’s never bothered legislators here before so why break with a tradition like that now?

“Die wirtschaftliche Situation von Familien verbessert sich trotz der staatlichen Unterstützung im Durchschnitt nicht.”

German Of The Day: Lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende

January 30, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bailout, Debt, EU, Euro, German, Germany, Greece, Language, Socialism, Tsipras Leave a comment

That means “better a terrifying end than unending terror.” In other words, it’s time for Greece to get those drachma machines running again.

But the Greeks already know this themselves. That’s what they just voted for. Sure, we’ll get to watch how Greece and the EU (Germany) play around with each other for a few weeks as if both sides are tying to find a new solution for a solution that has already long been in place but in the end Greece will leave the EU. This new Greek government is the undertaker man (don’t shake that guy’s hand!). They will point their fingers at Germany on the way out telling Greek voters “we tried everything we could, but…” and then, well, it’s back to the real world again. And this will be a good thing for Greece – in the long run.

Hey, this reminds me of another German saying: Geh mit Gott, aber geh! Go with God, but go!

Entgegen allen Warnungen aus Deutschland und Europa lehnt die griechische Regierung Gespräche mit den internationalen Geldgebern ab. Sie seien in Athen nicht willkommen.

This Sick Lady Right Here Just Will Not Go Away

January 26, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Depression, Disease Mongering, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Mental Illness, North Rhine-Westphalia, Satire, Stress 1 Comment

Nor will they take a new picture of her, either. It’s just that good.

First she had mental illness issues.

Then she got really depressed because of her mental illness issues.

Now she’s totally stressed out because she lives in North Rhine-Westphalia, which is known to cause a lot of depression and mental illness issues. If you live there, I mean. Or at least it’s known for that now.

Word has it namely (a new study) that people there suffer more than elsewhere in Germany because they don’t move enough, they don’t eat healthy enough food and they drink too much (alcohol). And they’re always running into this wacky lady here, looks like. Wherever they go in North Rhine-Westphalia. I think I need a drink now, too.

Stress ist laut einer bundesweiten Studie am häufigsten für Menschen in Nordrhein-Westfalen ein Problem. Nur 8 Prozent der Menschen in Nordrhein-Westfalen leben in Sachen Bewegung, Ernährung, Stress und Alkohol laut einer Studie rundum gesund.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hard Facts