The British are leaving! The British are leaving!

And the German communities they will soon be leaving don’t like it one little bit. It has to do with Kaufkraft (spending power) or something.

British

Strange, isn’t it? Germans are always the first to demand the quickest possible withdrawal timetable for “foreign” troops (NATO, ISAF, etc.) taking part in peacekeeping operations elsewhere in the world, but then start whining once the foreign peacekeepers in Germany finally have enough already and decide to leave themselves – after nearly seventy years.

Peace is hell.

“Da sind die Auswirkungen nur schwer abzuschätzen.”

Speaking Of CO2…

Not that there is a connection here or anything, but after the German government’s frenzied exit from nuclear power, German greenhouse gas emissions have risen 1.6 percent.

CO2

Die Luft wird dicker. Der Ausstoß von Treibhausgasen in Deutschland steigt nach Jahren des Rückgangs wieder spürbar an.

Global Warming Still Causing Colder Weather In Germany

In February, of all months. And in Germany, of all countries.

Global Warming

According to German meteorologist Dominik Jung, Germany has just set a new record for having its 5th colder-than-normal winter in a row.

In light of recent scientific predictions that Central Europe would soon not be having any winters at all, several of the scientists who had made these predictions are now attributing this unexpected climatic odditiy to a newly discovered global warming abnormality they are now calling “Winterwetter.”

Winterwetter seems to have a direct relationship to the global warming theory postulate asserting that water vapor and clouds will temporarily cancel out the warming effect of CO2 emissions currently destroying our planet, thus temporarily reversing the deadly global warming trend for a small period each and every year lying roughly between the seasons of autumn and spring and directly affecting countries like Germany with unreasonably and unseasonably cold weather until the more unreasonably and unseasonably warm weather returns again.

Am Montag könnte die Schneedecke noch einmal deutlich anwachsen. Erst ab Mitte der Woche ist Besserung in Sicht.

Germany Not Trying To Dominate Europe

Honest. Why try when it comes so naturally?

Gauck

No, seriously folks. Poor German President Joachim Gauck. He certainly means well (and somebody’s talking head has to say this stuff, I guess), but how can you not think that Germany is imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent when he goes out of his way to tell you that Germany is not imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent?

“In Germany, more Europe doesn’t mean a German Europe. To us, more Europe means a European Germany.”

Well, nice try, but you forgot about the German European Germany variation. It’s not that we don’t trust you, Germany. It’s just that we don’t trust you. It’s called the BKB Syndrome (or at least that’s what I call it). You know, The Big Kid on the Block Syndrome? It’s incurable and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it and you’re guilty until proven guilty so just go ahead and kick back and get used to the situation (as if you weren’t already). And, oh yeah, welcome to the club already, too.

“I was shocked to see how quickly perceptions became distorted, as if today’s Germany stood in the tradition of German imperialism, even of German crimes.”

High Five Claudia

Or high, anyway.

Claudia

How did the high five and theocratic rule in Iran come to cross paths recently? Well, this past weekend at the Munich Security Conference, Claudia Roth, who heads the German Green Party, which represents 11% of the country, was photographed engaged in an enthusiastic high five with the Iranian Ambassador to Germany Ali Reza Sheikh Attar.

The story is beginning to make waves in Germany because Iran’s leaders routinely deny that the Holocaust ever happened, which is a crime in Germany. An example came soon after at a forum with the German Council on Foreign Relations on Monday when Iran’s Foreign Minister Ali Akbar Selehi was invited to visit the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin. Selehi ignored the invitation and then passed on answering a question about Holocaust denial in his country by simply saying “Any holocaust is a human tragedy.” When asked if there has been more than one Holocaust, Selehi told the packed audience that it was up to them to find out.  

Claudia Roth’s Green Party arose from the German student movement of the 1960s, recalcitrant in thumbing their noses at the previous generation who had pro-Nazi tendencies. They championed human rights and cast themselves as the enlightened and progressive leaders of Germany’s bright future.

So why is the head of the Green Party so cozy with someone whose country’s fascism represents the complete opposite of the Green Party pillars? Roth has issued a statement downplaying the encounter, but unfortunately, not even German has a word for how this incident makes any sense.

Attar werde vorgeworfen, dass er in den “80ern als Gouverneur im Iran Oppositionelle aufhängen ließ”. Attar war nach der islamischen Revolution von 1979 Gouverneur der Provinzen Kurdistan und West-Aserbaidschan gewesen. Seit 2008 ist er Botschafter in Deutschland und nicht zuletzt damit beschäftigt, Kritik an Menschenrechtsverletzungen des Regimes in Teheran zurückzuweisen.

Klaus Wowereit Unpopular In Berlin For Some Reason These Days

According to the latest Forsa poll taken here in Berlin, only a small number of Berlin voters hold Berlin mayor Klaus Wowereit to be trustworthy, straightforward, competent, able to take criticism and work in a team.

Klaus

So like what’s the problem, right? He’s the perfect political animal.

No, but seriously folks… He’s so disliked at the moment that only two Pirate party politicians are less popular than he is. Party Klaus, I take my Hut off to you!

Nur eine Minderheit der Bürger hält Wowereit für glaubwürdig, gradlinig, kompetent, kritik- und teamfähig. Der einzige Wert, bei dem er im Vergleich zu früheren Umfragen zulegte, ist das Machtbewusstsein.

More Green Energy Jobs

More jobs lost to green energy, I mean.

Offshore

Worlee-Chemie GmbH, a family-owned company that has produced resins in the city of Hamburg for almost a century, is trying to escape the spiraling cost of Germany’s shift to renewable energy.

A 47 percent increase on Jan. 1 in the fees grid operators set to fund wind and solar investments is driving the maker of paint ingredients to Turkey, where next month it will start making a new type of hardening agent at a factory near Istanbul.

The levy will cost Worlee 465,000 euros ($620,000) this year, the equivalent of 10 full-time salaries, or one-third of the company’s tax bill. As German labor costs rise at the fastest pace in a decade, the price of weaning the country off nuclear energy by 2022 is crushing the so-called Mittelstand, the three million small and medium-sized businesses like Worlee that account for about half of gross domestic product.

Wow. Now that’s what I call government intervention in action. This German energy turnaround thing is working out practically as well as the European cap-and-trade system itself.

“It could be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back. It comes on top of tax, general production costs, raw-material availability and bureaucracy, which have led to a deterioration of the investment climate in Germany.”

Don’t Hold Your Breath, Tokyo

Two years after the Fukushima nuclear disaster, Japan is making a big push to win back German tourists, who are still avoiding the country because of concerns over radiation.  Visitor numbers from Germany, the world’s biggest spenders on foreign holidays in 2011, fell 35 percent between 2010 and 2011, and in 2012 did not recover as much as other markets, officials said in Frankfurt on Thursday.

Tokyo

It’s like this, folks: The level of radiation occurring naturally in Japan is much lower than that of Germany. The levels of naturally occurring radiation PLUS the radiation resulting from the accident at Fukushima are still within the range considered average for Germany.

None of this matters, of course. Hysteria bleibt (stays) hysteria.

Even at the dentist, Germans are often skeptical about the effects of x-rays and require reassurance over radiation levels.

PS: Speaking of hypochondria (sort of), Berliner Beamte (civil servants with disgustingly cushy benefits), police mostly, are off sick two months a year – on average.

Seeing That Other People Have Lives Makes Germans Absolutely Miserable

Germans always knew that Facebook (like Google and practically every other hi-tech company from, uh-hum, Amerika) was somehow EVIL. But at least now they know why.

Neid

Two German universities have discovered that there is rampant German envy, uh, running rampant on Facebook. Apparantly, having to witness other people’s wonderful love lives, super vacation adventures and stunning successes at work makes them near physically ill.

This couldn’t surprise anybody who has spent any time in this country, however. Der deutsche Neid ist einfach ohnesgleichen. German Neid (envy) is unparalleled. It permeates this society to such a degree that practically every individual in the country is affected. I can’t say why this is, of course. But my gut feeling theory is that Germans are, in the end, simply unhappy. And misery loves company.

“We were surprised by how many people have a negative experience from Facebook with envy leaving them feeling lonely, frustrated or angry.”