Here’s more government in action for you, folks. German Beamte (civil servants). You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them (it’s verboten).
A retiring German public servant has signed off from work by emailing his 500 fellow staff to tell them that he had not done anything for 14 years.
The 65-year-old’s final words in the job were to crow over colleagues and say he had earned more than £600,000 without lifting a finger.
“I do not wish to say anything else.”
Completely clueless as to what happened in Germany and environs during what appears to have been a rather turbulant period roughly between 1939 and 1945, a young German historian has written a book in which he asks his readers to ask their grandparents if they might possibly know.
“Whatever it was, it must have been a pretty big deal,” the historian said. “And as my studies now indicate, immediately after this whatever it was event, conversations about it between parents and children appear to have been nearly impossible as it was, well, hell if I know. That’s part of the mystery. And that’s why I’ve written this book.”
Time is running out. The answer to how a cultured, civilized nation did something “I dunno” (text slightly altered here) lies in the minds of the dying generation that took part, many of whom are ready and willing to talk at the end of their lives.
Traditional Kneipen (neighborhood pubs) are dropping like Fliegen (flies) these days in Germany.
The latest statistics indicate that their number has dropped nationwide from 48,000 to 36,000 since 2001.
But thank goodness Berlin and Berliners are standing up to buck the trend. While the number of Kneipen in other cities like Hamburg has dropped 48.1 percent during this period, the number of new Kneipen in Berlin rose 95.8 percent. Damn. You can’t set the bar much higher than that.
“Mit dem Wirtshaus verschwindet eine Einrichtung mit hohem sozialen und kulturellen Stellenwert aus den Gemeinden.”
We’re artists. So give us your, I mean our money.
This is what Germans get for a billion euros of arts subsidies each and every year. Jiminy Crickets. I don’t even want to think about what they’d be getting for less.
Please, Berlin. For the love of all that is holy freakin’ cow. Keep those subsidies coming.
“Der Kulturinfarkt: Von allem zu viel und überall das Gleiche.”
Der Spiegel rushes to tell us.
Because other politicians have been caught on mic saying bad things, too.
Only they were bad. So there.
“Nach meiner Wahl habe ich mehr Flexibilität.”
It’s all over but the crying now. Or whining, if you prefer. German Wetter (weather) just keeps getting wetter!
A new study tells us that the number of “devastating” storms, heavy rains and other weather-related “natural catastrophes” has tripled in Germany since the 70s! Wow. Have there actually been three already?
Scarier still is that the climate model for the next thirty years (this in a country that can’t get the weather forecast for tomorrow right, mind you) calls for even more “heavy precipitation” that will most likely lead to – oh my God we’re all going to die – flooding! That’s right, the f-word. Oh the horror or something. And you thought it couldn’t happen here.
„Für die nächsten 30 Jahre rechnen Klimamodelle in Deutschland vor allem mit einer Zunahme der Sturmintensität und mit mehr Starkniederschlägen, die zu Überschwemmungen führen.“
They never promised you a rose garden (actually, they did). It looks like Germany’s Energiewende (the energy turnaround = shutting down nuclear power and waiting for solar and wind energy to pick up slack) is going to have its price, too.
And it looks likes the first installment will by about a seven percent increase in energy costs for private housholds. But Germans pay these increases gladly, I think. At least for now (seven percent is just the start, of course). It’s back to the future. It’s for the common good. Or it’s for saving the planet or something.
Uh, like why don’t they just have “the state” pay for it. Oh, that’s right. They already are (the taxpayers are, that is).
Stromtrassen, Umschlagwerke oder intelligente Stromzähler kosten den Staat Milliarden. Draufzahlen muss am Ende oft der Verbraucher – offenbar bis zu sieben Prozent in den kommenden Jahren.
We were just kidding.
No, seriously. Something called the Montreal Protocol just saved the world as we know it from most certain destruction, bringing about a “healing of the ozone layer” and thus reducing our exposure to harmful UV rays from the sun which was being caused by, well, refrigerators and aerosol spray cans. Just like that. Almost as if by magic or something.
A German research institute has even confirmed this wonderful news, so you can bet that it’s for real (Germans are very thorough, you know). And said German research institute, like all those other research institutes out there, is being completely objective here and has in no way profited from the research funds given it to research said ozone hole phenomena and only böse Zungen (malicious tongues) would suggest otherwise.
The underlying message here: To rid the world of all manner of unpleasantness and harmful gas, both hot and cold, all we need are more protocols (like Montreal or Kyoto, say), and not less. Or fewer, I mean. And more funding, of course.
“The results are encouraging. The fact that the ozone layer in the regions researched has become thicker is a result of the successful Montreal Protocol.”
How about a little more sensitivity here, Greece? Germans are only trying to help.
And it doesn’t look like they’re going to stop trying to help you anytime soon, either. That’s why if they can’t get that “budget commissioner” they proposed to help monitor the Greek government’s (lack of) management of its finances, some 160 German tax collectors have now selflessly volunteered for assignments in Greece to help gather Greek taxes more efficiently. And as you can imagine, when it comes to taxation and tax collection, German efficiency can really hurt.
A recent flurry of acrimonious exchanges between Athens and Berlin reflect deepening doubts among mainly northern members of the 17-nation euro zone about Greece’s ability and willingness to overhaul its economy to satisfy lenders’ demands.
And it’s the worse that it’s ever been. And it’s only getting worse, right?
And if you ask this Heidelberg research group who just put out their “Conflict Barometer,” they will tell you that more wars took place worldwide in 2011 than at any time since 1945 (and 2012 doesn’t look all too promising, either).
But what does that mean?
If you really want to put our dreadful, horrible and unspeakably violent age into true historical perspective, do yourself a favor and take a look at what this guy has to say about it.
Thanks for the letting me stumble on to/over this, ¡No Pasarán!
In ihrem “Konflikt-Barometer” zählen Heidelberger Forscher so viele Kriege wie seit 1945 nicht mehr.
Observing Hermann 