Uber And Out

Always remember: What is not expressly allowed in Germany is strictly forbidden.

Uber

A court in Frankfurt has ruled that the UberPop ride-hailing service may not operate anywhere in Germany for the simple reason that, uh, well, you ought to have an official permit to do so. To be the driver, I mean.

This is a big relief for everybody here because if people didn’t have to have official permits to use the service then anybody could just simply offer or choose to use the service on his or her own, without being regulated. One can’t have that here because this would make the people who would otherwise make the regulations and hand out the permits superfluous and also make taxi driving more competitive and even bring down prices for the consumer, without these prices being properly regulated first, I mean. There are a lot of bad implications here, people. So, like I said, strictly forbidden. Or verboten, if you prefer.

And besides, they spell Uber wrong.

„Ubers Geschäftsmodell basiert auf Rechtsbruch.“

Germans Outraged About Greek Finance Minister Giving Them The Finger

Varoufakis

Sort of. Politicians just don’t do that kind of thing, you know.

Steinbrück

It undermines their credibility or something.

Obama

Appearing on German TV on Sunday, Yanis Varoufakis denied that footage showing him raise his middle finger at Berlin was genuine.

German Of The Day: Neinsager

That means people who always say no first and ask question later. You know, like when it comes to maybe having the Olympics in Berlin in 2024? NOlympia here, folks.

Hamburg

The northern port city of Hamburg was picked on Monday as the country’s preferred choice for a 2024 summer Olympics bid ahead of Berlin, with the German Olympic Sports Confederation’s (DOSB) members to ratify the proposal later this week.

“I coulda been a contender.”

This Takes Putin-Understanding To A Whole New Level

Despite recent drawbacks regarding German esteem levels for Russia, Putin-Understanding still seems to be alive and well in Germany. It’s even become more, I dunno, active-like. More than 100 German citizens have joined the ranks of pro-Russian rebel fighters in eastern Ukraine.

Putin-Understanders

Unlike German jihadis who went to fight with the “Islamic State” in Syria, German citizens participating in the conflict in eastern Ukraine did not have to worry about facing prosecution back home…

There are currently many German youths who post pictures of themselves with weapons and uniforms in the Internet, boasting of their participation in the Ukraine struggle. One German has lost his life fighting for the separatists on February 12, research by the German weekly (Die Welt am Sonntag) revealed.

What About The Male Muslim Teachers In Germany?

Are they now allowed to wear headscarves in class as long as it does not cause disruption in school, too? Fair is fair, you know.

Pegida

Female Muslim teachers in Germany may wear headscarves in class as long as it does not cause disruption in the school, Germany’s top court has said in a ruling that may fuel debate about what some nationalist groups see as creeping “Islamisation”.

The constitutional court reversed its initial 2003 ban on headscarves for teachers, which had led some German states to forbid Muslim headscarves in schools while permitting the wearing of Christian symbols such as crucifixes and nuns’ habits.

“Ich empfinde das Urteil als Katastrophe. Ich halte das für ein Zurückweichen, für die Preisgabe eines elementaren Bausteins unserer Gesellschaft.”

How Repellent

To use “ultra-Ever Dry super-hydrophobic” water-repellent paint like that, I mean.

People living in Hamburg’s St. Pauli’s nightclub district are used to hordes of drunken tourists, crime and prostitution but many are fed up with late-night revelers who urinate on public and private buildings.

A local interest group has now applied a special water-repellent paint, also used in shipbuilding, on two especially frequented buildings in the renowned nightclub district near the port to deter ‘Wildpinkler’, as Germans call them.

Ultra-Ever Dry super-hydrophobic was developed by auto-makers Nissan. Its oleophobic nano-coating is water repellant, meaning that those revelers who urinate against it will end up soaking themselves.

And here you thought everybody over here was Sitzpinkler.

Zwölf Uhr Mittags

The plot is a little different here in Germany, though.

High Noon

Senior German politicians warned on Tuesday that basic freedoms were threatened after a mayor in an eastern town resigned saying local authorities had failed to stop a far-right protest outside his house.

The elected and unpaid mayor of Troeglitz said on Monday he feared for his family’s safety after the National Democratic Party (NPD) announced the rally against his plans to house asylum seekers.

Germany’s Eurovision Preselection Winner Forced Out To Meet New Gender Quota

No sooner did the German women already running the country pass a law requiring that at least 30% of non-executive members at large companies be women than was Andreas Kümmert, the fair and square winner of the chance to represent Germany at this year’s all-important Eurovision song contest, forced at what might as well have been gunpoint to hand over his spot to runner-up Ann Sophie, a woman.

Kümmert

Kümmert, A man, I think, his arm being held tightly behind his back, shocked the German Eurovision preselection audience by announcing “I’m really not in the right shape to accept this. Honest I’m not! I swear I swear I swear. You take it, Ann Sophie. And you run with it, girl!”

Sheesh. These broads never would have gotten away with this last year.

Spare The Cane And Spoil The Child

I mean the German tourist. Huh? What do you mean punishment, officer? All we did was break into a train depot and spray graffiti on some trains. In freakin’ Singapore!

Graffiti

A Singapore court has sentenced two German men to three strokes of the cane for spray-painting a metro train in the city-state notorious for its hardline rules on vandalism.

Nach deutschen Maßstäben ist das Urteil sicherlich hart, insbesondere die Prügelstrafe, die in unserem Kulturkreis ja schon lange nicht mehr angewendet wird.“

A New Axis Of Evil Or Something

It’s not just Germany hurting Greek feelings anymore (although the Germans are still evil, too).

Tsipras

The Greek government is now accusing Spain and Portugal of conspiring against it, as well. It’s a conspiracy, you see, because these two countries are willing to carry out the stringent reforms needed to get their economies going again. Greece clearly is not.

Greece’s leftist Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras accused Spain and Portugal on Saturday of leading a conservative conspiracy to topple his anti-austerity government, saying they feared their own radical forces before elections this year.

How much longer is this show going to go on?

“Nach europäischen Maßstäben war das ein sehr ungewöhnliches Foulspiel. Das tun wir nicht in der Euro-Gruppe, das gehört sich nicht.”