Berlin Convicts Unionize For Minimum Security

I mean for minimum wage. I kid you not. Here’s another one of those “I don’t make this stuff up, people” stories.

Union

Only in Berlin can prison inmates set up the the world’s first union for prisoners so they can campaign to get a minimum wage and a pension plan for convicts.

Hey guys, you forgot about the early retirement part. Hardy, har, har.

And what are they going to call your pension plan, anyways? Social High Security? Yuckity yuck.

Häftlinge der Justizvollzugsanstalt fordern einen Mindestlohn für Inhaftierte und eine Rentenversicherung

Half Of All Germans Too Fat?

And here you thought that Americans were too fat. And they are.

Fat

Ah… screw it. Let’s go out today (Happy Vatertag, Männer) and refocus our thoughts on something more positive and drink a swimming pool of beer! Yee-haw!

Fast ein Drittel der Weltbevölkerung ist übergewichtig oder fettleibig.

Same procedure as every year, men.

All The Butts. All The Time.

Enraged by the German Bild‘s publication of Kate Middleton’s bare butt…

Butt

several British newspapers have retaliated by publishing butt shots of just about anybody’s butt you can imagine who’s a girl. Butt really, isn’t it time for us to leave all of this behind behind us?

The revealing snaps were taken when Kate’s blue dress blew up in an unfortunate ‘Marilyn moment’ during her official tour of Australia last month.

No British magazine or newspaper would print the photo so they were sold overseas in a move which will no doubt deeply dismay Prince William and Kate.

Why Are These Eurosceptic Parties Winning?

The professional Europeans in Brussels made clear that they don’t want this to happen.

Alternative

So what do they do then? They do what they always do: Ignore what just happened and carry on with EU business as usual, whatever that is. Well, one thing we do know about EU business as usual in the meantime is that it is carried out by a Brussels political elite that Jane and Joe European simply does not understand nor feel represented by.

Not that anyone out there cares or anything, but the voter turnout for this latest round of European elections was absolutely pathetic and those who did vote voted in one-fifth of the new European Parliament’s seats to political parties critical of the EU’s previous policy, whatever that was. You would think that the elite would finally get the message here, right? Nope. It ain’t happening. And that’s why it ain’t happening with Europe.

I know. Why doesn’t Brussels consider acknowledging this overwhelming European apathy and start respecting how those Europeans who did vote have voted and slowly start the process of giving back competencies to the countries in question? You know, decentralize and let Europeans start deciding more for themselves at the local level again? Na. Wozu (what for)? If it wasn’t decided in Brussels, it didn’t happen.

Für den schlichten Normaleuropäer sei der schwierige Konsensfindungsprozess in der EU zu komplex. Der leider etwas beschränkte Bürger wisse gar nicht, wie gut die EU für ihn sei. So redet sich die „europäische Elite“ das Wahlergebnis schön und blendet die Tatsache der drastisch schwindenden Zustimmung aus.

PS: Speaking of winning, Tempelhof loses. I mean wins?

Alarms Red, White And Blue! Germans Have Successfully Infiltrated US World Cup Team!

Or should this be alarms black, red and gold maybe? Damn. It’s all over but the cryin’ now. For thoze guyz who gots to go up against us. As in US, I mean (USA! USA!).

Germans

Five German-Americans, 21% of the entire team, made the U.S. 23-man roster for the World Cup in Brazil…

When he took over as coach in 2011, Jurgen Klinsmann (suspected of being a so-called German himself) said, “Soccer in a way reflects the culture of a country.”

Clearly Klinsmann’s celebrity status in Germany — as well as his boundless enthusiasm — are an asset when recruiting German-Americans. But these charms are helpful no matter where a player is from, and it just so happens that the largest concentration of U.S.-eligible players in Europe is in Germany.

What Conchita Wurst Tells Us About EU Identity?

Why everything, doesn’t she?

Wurst

Damn. This guy here sure hit the nail right on the head: “Europe has struggled for decades to forge a common identity — and now the Continent’s response to Putin, its battle against Google and the victory of drag queen Conchita Wurst at the Eurovision Song Contest all suggest that shared values are finally emerging.”

Well that certainly sums it up nicely for me.

PS: This doesn’t necessarily make Europeans all that happy, you must understand (Conchita doesn’t look all that happy up there, either). At least not the Germans. Germany came in 46th of the 138 countries examened for the “International Happiness Map.”

Germans Now Not Sure If Whistleblowing Is A Scientific Achievement After All

Germans are very precise and proper and legalistic when it comes to, well, when it comes to just about anything you can possibly imagine so it shouldn’t surprise any of us out here all that much that the rector of the German university in Rostock, where academics have voted to award NSA leakmeister Edward Snowden himself an honorary doctorate, is now trying to have the decision reversed, his argument being that Snowden’s actions did not fulfill the the university’s required criteria. Dude, like what a party pooper.

Snowden

It appears that there is some sticky little detail somewhere in their regulations about honorary doctorates only being allowed for “special academic achievement” and the rector, nitpicky like German rectors are, has now pointed out to everyone that Snowden’s leaking to the media of NSA documents doesn’t wirklich (really) constitute that.

This won’t be the last word on this, of course. But still. And there’s still the Nobel Peace Prize on its way, too. So take a chill pill, people. Your hero will get his honors yet.

Datenübergabe keine wissenschaftliche Leistung

Poll: Four In Five Germans Have No Problem With Germany Being World’s Third Largest Arms Exporter

No, wait. That was four in five Germans would like to see their armed forces take part in fewer military missions abroad. But still.

Arms

Damn. And almost two-thirds think Germany should show caution on foreign affairs. Even more caution than they are already being so overly cautious about already, I mean. Well the Germans certainly have been reckless these past few years, haven’t they?

Calls from abroad for greater German participation showed the respect Germany had won, but could also put Germany under too much pressure.

PS: Speaking of pressure, according to former German Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer himself, “Russia is striving a major power role. That must not and will not be accepted by Europe.”

Die russische Strategie, verloren gegangenes Territorium zurück zu holen, könne man nur mit Entschlossenheit und Härte begegnen, nicht mit Verständnis. „Ein starkes Europa ist Voraussetzung für Sicherheit“, sagte der Ex-Außenminister.

What Kind Of SPD Do You Want?

They’re switch-hitters, you know. You can have the Squeaky-Clean Party of Doves SPD that has been making a whole lot of noise these days about curbing German arms exports but hasn’t wirklich (really) taken all that much action up until now and of course never, ever, ever will.

Tanks

Or you can have the Sweet and Plentiful Dough SPD that boasts of having two former lawmakers who are said to have raked in over five million euros in commissions from the German defense contractor Krauss-Maffei Wegmann for two big honking tank deals.

This little tidbit, that nobody here is particularly interested in, was uncovered during an investigation being made by Pricewaterhouse Coopers looking into charges of payoffs made to Greece.

Wurde Einfluss auf die Auftragsvergabe genommen?

Let It Rot

It’s voting time  in Berlin again. This time it’s about whether or not good old abandoned Tempelhof Field should be developed or not (for housing, a library, etc.). You know, to actually maybe use it for something other than flying kites?

But as usual we have learned that this would be a terrible thing and that the field needs to be “saved” from such an awful fate, or at least that’s what opponents on the left insist. Urban Romantics need more room to move, especially if they are German ones (“the richest kind”) and being that saying no is so popular and comes so naturally to Germans in general and Berliners in particular, I am quite sure these opponents will win yet again.

Der stillgelegte Berliner Flughafen liegt brach. Nicht weil der Ort belasteter wäre als andere, sondern weil es leichter ist, mit dem “Luxus der Leere” zu kokettieren, als die Geschichte anzunehmen.

Das Tempelhofer-Feld ist eine Oase mitten in Berlin.