WaWe 10, Where Are You?

May 1, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Anarchists, Berlin, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Left-Wing Violence, May Day, May Day Riots, Police Brutality, Protests, Riots, Satire, The Police, Water Canon, WaWe 10 2 Comments

Car 54 couldn’t make it. Man oh man. I want to see this puppy in action sooo bad.

It’s the Berlin Police Department’s brand-new water canon monster WaWe (as in Wasserwerfer) 10, specifically designed to stop those pesky May Day riots in a jiffy, without undue harm to the protesters (and hopefully washing them thoroughly in the process, as well).

But as fate would have it, this year’s anniversary festivities look like they’re going to be pretty lame after all. Kids these days. Who knows, though. Maybe something will ignite that smoldering fuse of indignation in an hour or two once the sun starts setting and WaWe 10 will get its chance to roll out into action after all, all magestic and Robocop-like. And wet. Sexy, isn’t she?

Does anybody out there know if there’s a riot-cam thingy I could link to just in case this party ever does get started?

Die für den Nahbereich gedachte “Wasserwand” soll Protestler nur nass machen und zum Gehen bewegen, ohne zu verletzen.

PS: Thanks, andBerlin! Maybe this link will do the trick.

Germany Drains Spain’s Brains

April 29, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Berlin, Capitalism, Economy, Emigration, Employment, Engineers, EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Industry, Jobs, Satire, Spain Leave a comment

In a ghoulish plan to intensify their already ironclad grip of an anemic Europe, depraved German industrialists have now begun luring unsuspecting southern European engineers to Germany by offering them well-paid jobs which will allow them (the depraved Germans) to drain their brains at leasure.

To make matters worse, if that were possible, another grisly gimmick has also been introduced in which so-called “blue cards” (green had already been taken) are being offered to skilled non-EU workers, as well. Although ostinsibly intended to “make the immigration process” easier, this “blue card” babble is clearly just another cynical euphemism for more German brain draining activity.

The gruesome brain-sucking capitalist bastards.

In December, a planeload of 100 Spanish engineers flew to nearby Stuttgart for a weekend of job interviews. Within a month, about a third of them had been hired. And some German companies have been making connections over the Internet, simply plucking Spanish, Portuguese, Greek and Italian professionals from sites like LinkedIn.

Vorratsdatenspeicherung

April 27, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Data, Data Protection, Data Retention, Data Security, EU, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Paranoia, Satire Leave a comment

Is that a German word, or what?

And it looks like it’s a word that’s going to cost Germany millions in fines for not being willing to go along with the guidelines concerning it as determined by the EU.

I mean, we all know that Vorratsdatenspeicherung is a touchy subject and all. Some countries do their Vorratsdatenspeicherung this way, other countries do their Vorratsdatenspeicherung that way. But any way you cut the Vorratsdatenspeicherung cake, Vorratsdatenspeicherung is Vorratsdatenspeicherung and I, for one, find it irresponsible of Germany to just ignore the EU’s Vorratsdatenspeicherung guidelines like that, just because they’re Germany, I mean. All Europeans are in the same Vorratsdatenspeicherung boat, after all.

Who do they think they are, anyway?

You should be ashamed of yourself, Germany. Put that in your Vorratsdatenspeicherung pipe and smoke it.

“Was wir auf den ersten Blick sagen können ist, dass Deutschland anscheinend keinen Fortschritt bei der Umsetzung der EU-Richtlinie zur Vorratsdatenspeicherung gemacht hat und weiterhin EU-Recht verletzt.”

PS: Vorratsdatenspeicherung means data retention (the EU wants to retain data for six months, Germany doesn’t).

Bye Bye Birdie

April 26, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Birds, Conservation, German, Germans, Germany, Green energy, Nature, Renewable energy, Technology, The Green Shirts, Wind Power, Wind Turbines 2 Comments

Those damned Americans again. The shocking news just came out over here that some 6.8 migrating birds die each and every year over there due to all those awful and yucky radio towers they feel compelled to put up all over the place all the time (for conservative talk radio shows, we must assume).

When will they ever learn?

And when will anybody over here ever learn to start publishing the numbers for all those birds that get killed each and every year due to German wind turbines? Hey, you know the deal. One standard for North American radio towers, another for green energy sources.

Wenn die ständig leuchtenden Lampen an den 4500 Türmen, die höher als 150 Meter sind, durch blinkende ersetzt würden, könne die Zahl der daran sterbenden Vögel um 45 Prozent sinken.

The Scum Also Rises

April 23, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nazis, Political Parties, Satire, The Nazi Party, The Pirate Party, The Pirates Leave a comment

I’m really starting to like these Pirate guys, honest.

I mean, everybody knows that it’s all a big elaborate practical joke anyway, so why not just calm down, folks, and kick back and enjoy their fifteen minute ride of fame in vollen Zügen (to the fullest)?

One of the latest Pirate humdinger zingers (there have been so many these days that I’ve lost count) is the Berlin state parliament floor leader’s comparison of his party to another German party that turned out to be a bit less of a joke: “The rise of the Pirate Party is as fast as that of the NSDAP between 1928 and 1933.” Just in case you didn’t know, the NSDAP was the Nazi party.

No politician in Germany, not even the geekiest of geeks, can say something like that by accident. So again: It was a joke. It had to have been. It really was a joke. A Pirate joke. Wasn’t it?

The remark was an outrageous transgression that can’t be excused by the party’s lack of experience.

German Offshore Wind Farms More Deadly Than Fukushima

April 22, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Health, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Green energy, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Technology, The Green Shirts, Wind Farms, Winde Energy Leave a comment

Nobody promised the Germans a rose garden when the so-called “energy turnaround” turned around the corner here last year.

So that’s why the three deaths and 80 serious accidents that have taken place so far while building Germany’s so badly needed offshore wind farms are being registered here with such stoic equanimity (or are being ignored altogether). Progress must march on or something. Keine Widerrede (no talking back)!

Do me a favor and wake me once this energy turnaround nonsense has finally turned around (as in over) and died itself.

Der Leiter des Havariekommandos in Cuxhaven, Hans-Werner Monsees, forderte gegenüber FOCUS ein „besseres und dichteres Rettungssystem“. Sonst drohe die Zahl der Toten und Schwerverletzten weiter zu steigen – in den nächsten Jahren werden bis zu 7000 Windräder vor der deutschen Küste installiert.

1 Percent?

April 20, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Books, E-Books, German, Germans, Germany, Hi-Tech, Humor, Price Fixing, Reading, Satire, Technology 3 Comments

That’s right. E-books only account for 1 percent of all book sales in Germany.

Why is this? Let us count the ways…

Germans believe they cannot read as well on digital reading devices. This is because they have never held a digital reading device in their hands, much less tried to read from one, but still.

Germans are convinced that they are “better” at reading from paper (I don’t make this stuff up, people).

Like savages who believe that a camera captures your soul, Germans believe that an e-book reader captures the souls of the books it, uh, holds captive (OK, that part I did make up).

But the biggest reason of all Germans don’t like e-books and e-book readers is that Germans don’t like technology. Technology that isn’t German, I mean.

“In Germany we’re still at 1 percent, but that’s already an increase of 77 percent from the previous year.”

PS: Of course low e-book sales in Germany might also have to do with the fact that German book prices are set by the German culture mafia (by the publishers!? = you pay the same artificially high price everywhere) so they get to set the e-book prices, too (you can pay up to $25 for one). And although printed books are exempt from Germany’s 19 percent value added tax, e-books aren’t. Not that the system is rigged or anything. I’m just saying.

Hallo, ist da jemand?

April 18, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hi-tech, High Art, History Tags: Aging, Berlin, Cell Phones, German, Germans, Germany, Hamburg, Helmut Schmidt, Old People, SPD, Technology, The Elderly, The Internet 2 Comments

Is there anybody out there?

I like old Helmut Schmidt, and we’re talking old (93). I like that he goes out of his way to smoke in front of everybody, especially there where you’re not supposed to. I also think it’s cool that he doesn’t have a cell phone and prefers writing something called “letters” with something called “paper and ink.” And I don’t even mind that he thinks the Internet is “menacing.” I mean, why should he be the only one in Germany who doesn’t think that way?

I do wish, however, that he would take that big leap and finally leave the SPD while he still has the time to do so. I don’t think he ever belonged there in the first place. But maybe that’s just me.

„Ich telefoniere überhaupt nur noch selten. Wahrscheinlich habe ich das auch früher nie wirklich gern getan. Ich habe immer die Schriftform bevorzugt, und zwar die briefliche Schriftform.“

State Subsidies In Action

April 3, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Drug Abuse, German, Germans, Germany, Government Control, Government Interference, Government Intervention, Humor, Renewable energy, Satire, Solar energy, Subsidies 1 Comment

This would be funny if wasn’t so funny. Where do we want to go broke today? Q-Cells is now the fourth major bankruptcy in the German solar industry sector of late and although they are sure to have made a lot of dumb mistakes themselves, they certainly couldn’t have gone bankrupt “this well” without the German government’s relentless and merciless help.

It’s all about drugs, subsidy drugs. And once these subsidy drugs had been administered – in this case promoting wonderful and environmentally friendly solar technology for the good of all German-kind (in a country where sunshine is still a news item) – most of these companies failed to wean themselves from their reliance upon them and made some bad business decisions as a result (decisions they wouldn’t have made if they had been clean).

In the meantime, Asian competitors in the real world learned to produce the solar technology cheaper (as usual) and, just to add a little insult to injury here, it turns out that the German government helped the Chinese solar industry with financial aid , too. Only they did this better than they did in Germany.

Then Berlin finally got tired of shelling out all this money back home and started reducing the dosage faster than the addicts could adapt to and, well, the rest is history, or Geschichte, if you prefer.

So what’s the moral of the story? Remember those nine most terrifying words in the English language: “We’re from the government and we’re here to help.”

Somehow the German government must have lost sight of the fact that its policy in fact encourages the demise of Germany’s own solar industry. The development bank of the government-owned KfW group of banks supports China’s green industry with low-interest loans. Ironically, the German Investment and Development Company (DEG), also a subsidiary of KfW, is one of the financial backers of Chinese industry giant Yingli Solar.

Bust Them, Switzerland

April 2, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Swiss bank accounts, Swiss Banks, Switzerland, Tax Evaders, Tax evasion, Taxation, Taxes Leave a comment

And throw away the key. Those no good criminals. Those German tax collectors who have been trading in stolen Swiss goods.

Switzerland has issued arrest warrants for industrial espionage for three German tax collectors who bought (with German government approval) the bank details of German tax evaders in Switzerland.

“For Germany, the issue is one of tax fraud, leading the country to authorize three tax inspectors to buy leaked stolen data on tax evaders in 2010. This legally dubious approach wasn’t an issue domestically because of the common belief that the state was collecting its alleged due and it effects only ‘the rich.’ But in reality, because Switzerland has different laws, the officials acquired stolen property to use as evidence, and paid the thieves €2.5 million for it. Anyone who dismisses this as a trifle needs legal tutoring.”

“Just imagine how Germany would react were the Chinese government to buy automobile designs from German car company employees to speed up industrial development — with the argument that patent laws are too strong in the West.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hi-tech