“I can sing the Ode to Joy in German!”

May 9, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Boris Johnson, Brexit, EU, German, Language, Singing 2 Comments

Boris Johnson then added that “the French and German failure to get our jokes was a reason to vote Leave” the European Union (Brexit).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8XBw7I7EW4

“There is simply no common political culture in Europe; no common media, no common sense of humour or satire and – this is important – no awareness of each other’s politics,” he said.

Dammit, that makes sense! Or at least I think it does.

“No, I don’t believe that leaving the EU would cause World War Three to break out on the European continent.”

German Of The Day: Bollerwagen

May 5, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Ascension Day, Beer, Booze, Father's Day, German, Germans, Germany, Holidays, Humor, Language, Tradition 2 Comments

That means handcarts. Handcarts filled with beer.

And if a handcart isn’t available on German Father’s Day (Ascension Day) then you can always use a baby buggy or a shopping cart to put your booze in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aokhLhZqXBc

Es ist kompliziert. Warum aus Christi Himmelfahrt auch der Vater- und Herrentag geworden ist, lässt sich nicht mehr so recht nachvollziehen. Es wird spekuliert, dass die Prozession der Jünger Jesu zu einem Berg als Vorbild für die Männer mit Bollerwagen dienten.

German Rents Keep Rising

April 28, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Animals, Bees, Chickens, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Rabbits Leave a comment

You have to shell out $85 a week at Rent-a-Huhn just for five lousy chickens, for instance.

Bee-Rent will set you back nearly $200 a month for your bee box. And I wouldn’t even want to tell you what renting out a rabbit companion for your rabbit costs. Not even if I knew, I mean.

Farm living is the life for me (not).

“The hens are very relaxed when I pick them up again – and so are the customers, who are often sad to see their feathery friends leave.”

UFO Crash Site Secured In Germany

April 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Army, German, Germans, Germany, Hohenfels, Humvees, Military, Parachutes, UFOs 2 Comments

I mean UFO as in Unimpeded Falling Object, by the way.

And first reports indicate that these eerie, extraterrestrial vehicles appear to be American made. I got your Area 51 for you right here, pal.

Wenn Autos vom Himmel regnen, dann hat man entweder Drogen genommen, oder man befindet sich offenbar auf dem Truppenübungsplatz in Hohenfels.

A Secret German Laboratory?

April 18, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Apple, Apple Car, Automobiles, Berlin, Cars, German, Germans, Germany, iCar, Think Tanks 1 Comment

An “underground” research facility run by an elite staff of sinister scientist specialist types? Right here in the heart of Berlin?

Damn. Sounds pretty creepy to me. And I think I even saw that one once, too. Didn’t you? Wasn’t that the one with Michael Caine in it?

Apple could be developing the Apple Car in a secret Berlin lab, according to a report from Frankfurter Allgemeine. The German publication said on Monday that it had “learned from informed sources that Apple is running a secret laboratory for the development of an automobile — and this in the middle of Berlin.”

Wie deutsch wird das Apple-Auto? Eine Denkfabrik aus 20 Branchenexperten soll in Berlin an einem Geschäftsmodell für das iCar arbeiten. Die Pläne sind angeblich schon sehr konkret.

Germans Don’t Need Foreign Leaders Telling Them How Far Free Speech Can Go

April 12, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Boehmermann, Comedy, Erdogan, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Journalism, Satire, Turkey 3 Comments

They have there own leaders to do that.

It is illegal under Section 103 of Germany’s criminal code to insult foreign leaders, you see.

So that is why German officials are now “carefully reviewing” the Turkish government’s request to have criminal proceedings be brought against German comedian Jan Boehmermann over his satirical poem suggesting that Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan engages in sexual acts with goats.

Wait a minute. Shouldn’t the goats be the insulted ones here? Hardy, har, har. Just joking. Honest, man.

Dass beleidigende Äußerungen hingegen überhaupt strafbar sind, versteht sich keinesfalls von selbst – in Ländern mit angloamerikanischer Rechtsordnung sind sie es ganz überwiegend nicht.

Bomb Actually Sex Toy

April 7, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Bombs, Gambling, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Police, Sex Toys, Terror 3 Comments

So like, it doesn’t even qualify as a sex bomb?

German police called to the scene of a suspected bomb could breathe a sigh of relief when the feared explosive device turned out to be a sex toy…

Three explosives experts of the Office of Criminal Investigation in the state of Saxony-Anhalt were called in to defuse the ‘bomb’

However, when the bomb squad examined the bin, they found that the explosive device was in fact a battery-powered vibrating penis ring.

Two men in the squad, Dick und Doof, answered the ring, saying “Hallo? Hallo?” but were unfortunately unable to determine just who had placed the call.

Aus Sorge vor einem Sprengsatz evakuierte die Polizei die Spielothek sowie umliegende Geschäfte, brachte etwa 90 Menschen in Sicherheit und sperrte eine Straße.

I Didn’t Believe This For One Second

April 1, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: April Fools' Day, Berlin, F1, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jokes, Language, Pranks, Prison Leave a comment

It took me about half the article before I finally figured out what was going on.

But I’m a real sucker for this kind of stuff: Formula 1 racing is coming to Berlin in 2017?

Anyone who knows anything about Germans knows they love cars. So it wasn’t immediately obvious that the Berliner Zeitung’s joke about plans for a new Formula One race on the streets of the capital wasn’t true – all the more so since Berlin already hosts a Formula E (electric) race each year.

A mocked-up image showed German Red Bull driver Sebastian Vettel doing donuts on the Pariser Platz, site of the Brandenburg Gate. The supposed 5.85-kilometre course through Berlin is similar to the lengths of the actual races in Monaco and Melbourne. And they even considered the impact on residents: the F1 cars were allegedly to be equipped with silencers designed to limit the noise for complaint-prone Berliners.

April, April (April Fools’ Day) or something.

Zu Promozwecken war Sebastian Vettel schon mal mit seinem Boliden in Berlin. Im kommenden Jahr darf er hier auch ein Rennen fahren.

PS: I think anybody who thinks up pranks like these ought to be sent to German prison. As a reward, I mean.

This Has Gone Beyond A Joke

March 29, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: England, Football, Germany, Marbles, Sports 1 Comment

Still fuming over their football loss to England over the weekend, the Empire struck back at Germany yet again. This time the British team defeated Germany to win the World Marbles Championship. For crying out loud already.

It’s one thing to lose your marbles. It’s quite another to lose at marbles.

I guess I’ve had enough of sports for now. I’m sure you have, too.

“It’s like snooker without a cue.”

Secret Swagger Or Bausünde?

March 20, 2016 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking Tags: Apartments, Architecture, Berlin, Buildings, Cold War, Design, German, Germans, Germany, High-Rise Buildings, Malte Brandenburg, Photography, Stacked, Structures 1 Comment

I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that but I think I’ll still go with Bausünde here.

Berlin’s post-war high rises were built with practicality, not beauty, in mind. The hulking buildings were designed to house as many families as possible, and though they were once desirable, today they aren’t generally considered great places to live. But photographer Malte Brandenburg casts them in a new light with his series Stacked…

The photographer started the project late last year, and shot over a dozen high rises throughout Berlin. He lives in Copenhagen and scouts locations whenever he visits Berlin, seeking out buildings set against an uncluttered skyline. Brandenburg shoots from nearby buildings, parking garages, and other elevated spots so he can capture the towers as directly as possible, using a telephoto lens to help correct the perspective. “I would ring the doorbells of the tower buildings across the street and ask the people to let me in so I could shoot from the stairways,” he says.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: High Art