This Just In: Germany Suddenly Owes Greece $305 Billion For World War II

April 7, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Debt, EU, Euro Zone, Germany, Greece, Humor, Reparations, Satire, WWII 1 Comment

Or at least that’s what the Greek parliament just figured out.

However, Italy also suddenly owes Greece $216 billion for its invasion in 1940, too, they said.

After that you’ve got the Ottoman Empire owing the Greeks $197 billion for, well, for being Turks.

Then the Roman Empire will also still need to shell out an additional $116 billion for those nasty Macedonian wars.

And then, of course, Iran will have to step up and pay Greece $97 billion for the ugly Persian Invasion back in 484 BC.

This will still leave Greece with a humungous debt, of course, the parliamentarians noted, but nothing that another little loan from their friends in the European Union won’t fix.

Gun Never To Be Used In Combat Doesn’t Meet The Bundeswehr’s Tough Never To Be Used In Combat Standards

March 31, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Assault Rifles, Bundeswehr, G36, German, Germans, Germany, Heckler & Koch, Ursula von der Leyen 1 Comment

After several years of investigation, the German Bundeswehr has confirmed that the light profile of its Heckler & Koch G36 barrels are leading to accuracy problems in the field, Reuters reported. The rifle’s accuracy opens up after sustained fully-automatic fire, which heats up the barrel, causing the point of impact to shift.

So like now the German defense ministry under defense minister Ursula von der Leyen is considering issuing a different rifle that will never be used in combat, either but will at least meet the Bundeswehr’s stringent never to be used in combat standards.

Noch soll das Gewehr, von dem die Bundeswehr knapp 180.000 Stück angeschafft hat, im Einsatz bleiben. Ministerin von der Leyen kündigte aber bereits an, man müsse nach den neuen Tests prüfen, ob die Truppe “auf mittlere Sicht mit einem anderen Sturmgewehr ausgerüstet werden muss”.

German-Greek Tensions Ease After First WWII Reparations Payment Rolls In

March 22, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: EU, Germany, Government Waste, Greece, Grexit, Guilt, Humor, Reparations, Satire, WWII Leave a comment

European politicians everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief as a mentally challenged German couple holidaying in Greece made the first ever private WWII reparations payment of $935 to Greece to make up for their government’s bad and nasty attitude.

Spokesmen for Brussels and Berlin were quick to point out that this shows how private people with good intentions can also “burn up money like nobody’s business” and how “like you shouldn’t always point your finger just at us when we squander away our dough. Your dough, that is. You’re pretty good at this, too.”

“They made their calculations and said each German owed 875 euros for what Greece had to pay during World War II.”

Eclipse Faked By Jan Böhmermann

March 20, 2015 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Fakes, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Jan Böhmermann, Satire, SoFi, Solar Eclipse, TV, Varoufakis, Videos Leave a comment

That was the sunniest damned eclipse I ever saw, people. What a dud. I think it was faked by Jan Böhmermann.

The row (about the Varoufakis flip off video) took a fresh twist on Wednesday evening when satirical programme Neo Magazin Royale, on a rival channel, claimed that it had doctored the video and uploaded it to the internet.

Host Jan Böhmermann claimed his team had used digital editing software to insert the indecent gesture. Then it showed another clip it said was the original, in which Mr Varoufakis made the same remarks but without the gesture. A regretful Mr Böhmermann told his audience they were behind the “fake” Stinkefinger footage.

It didn’t take long, however, until the fake was itself revealed as a fake.

„Dieser Witz hat nie stattgefunden.”

German Solar Energy To Be Turned Off Tomorrow

March 19, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Solar Eclipse, Solar energy Leave a comment

It’s hard to say how long the grid will be down, though.

So what’s the big deal, exactly? The sun goes down every night, of course, and Germany is quite accustomed to cloudy days. (It gets about as much sunshine as Alaska.) The difference with a solar eclipse is the speed at which sunlight will disappear from, and then return to, the power system. All electric grids operate on the fundamental principle that supply and demand must always be in perfect equilibrium, second by second. That dynamic becomes complicated when so much of your power comes from a source like solar, over which grid operators have zero control. And it’s especially tricky when the fluctuation is so rapid and extreme.

“Eine Sonnenfinsternis gibt es doch jeden Abend.”

Is This That There Nina Who Sang That 99 Red Balloons Song?

March 11, 2015 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Aging, Berlin, Birthdays, German, Germans, Germany, Music, Nena, Nina Hagen, Punks, The Tubes, White Punks On Dope Leave a comment

I didn’t think so.

Another real thing. I mean person. So happy 60th birthday to you, Nina.

Laut, schrill und immer ein wenig zu aufgedreht und ausgeflippt, so kennt man Nina Hagen.

PS: Did Nina Hagen need a quota?

Germany’s Eurovision Preselection Winner Forced Out To Meet New Gender Quota

March 6, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Andreas Kümmert, Conchita Wurst, Eurovision, Gender Quotas, Germans, Germany, Humor, Interventionism, Quota, Quota Women, Satire, Women 3 Comments

No sooner did the German women already running the country pass a law requiring that at least 30% of non-executive members at large companies be women than was Andreas Kümmert, the fair and square winner of the chance to represent Germany at this year’s all-important Eurovision song contest, forced at what might as well have been gunpoint to hand over his spot to runner-up Ann Sophie, a woman.

Kümmert, A man, I think, his arm being held tightly behind his back, shocked the German Eurovision preselection audience by announcing “I’m really not in the right shape to accept this. Honest I’m not! I swear I swear I swear. You take it, Ann Sophie. And you run with it, girl!”

Sheesh. These broads never would have gotten away with this last year.

Spare The Cane And Spoil The Child

March 5, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Caning, Crime, Germans, Germany, Graffiti, Punishment, Singapore, Tourists, Vandalism Leave a comment

I mean the German tourist. Huh? What do you mean punishment, officer? All we did was break into a train depot and spray graffiti on some trains. In freakin’ Singapore!

A Singapore court has sentenced two German men to three strokes of the cane for spray-painting a metro train in the city-state notorious for its hardline rules on vandalism.

„Nach deutschen Maßstäben ist das Urteil sicherlich hart, insbesondere die Prügelstrafe, die in unserem Kulturkreis ja schon lange nicht mehr angewendet wird.“

Mass Numbers Of Germans Flee Country

March 4, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Holidays, Humor, Spending, Tourism, Travel, Vacation 1 Comment

And then return again. Several times a year even. They call it Tourismus (tourism).

That’s right, when not moaning about capitalism and democracy itself, Germans like to spend their ample free time breaking new records in the World Travel Champions category. In 2014 they spent more than 67 billion euros traveling, for instance, five percent more than the year before. The next record for 2015 seems to be vorprogrammiert (preprogrammed), too.

Die Deutschen lassen sich ihren Urlaub so viel kosten wie nie. Mehr als 67 Milliarden Euro gaben sie im vergangenen Jahr für Urlaubsreisen von mindestens fünf Tagen aus, plus fünf Prozent zum Vorjahr.

The Original

February 27, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, High Art, Hurt Feelings Tags: Folk Heroes, Leonard Nimoy, Pop Culture, Spock, Star Trek 3 Comments

Hinweis (please note): This post will not be addressing anything German today. Although…

I don’t know, man. Maybe it’s my age or something but this character here is just too real for me.

With all due respect, I’ll even venture to ask: Did Leonard Nimoy really exist?

His artistic pursuits — poetry, photography and music in addition to acting — ranged far beyond the United Federation of Planets, but it was as Mr. Spock that Mr. Nimoy became a folk hero, bringing to life one of the most indelible characters of the last half century: a cerebral, unflappable, pointy-eared Vulcan with a signature salute and blessing: “Live long and prosper.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: High Art