And me no negotiate with cookie terrorists, either, if I were you.
Das Unternehmen stellte in Aussicht, 52 000 Packungen Leibniz Kekse an 52 soziale Einrichtungen zu spenden, sollte das von der Fassade des Stammhauses gestohlene Wahrzeichen wieder auftauchen.
Heino (himself), the avenging angel of German Volksmusik, retaliates.
Tired of being verarscht (spoofed) by everybody else in the German music industry (and just about everywhere else, for that matter), he has now begun a winter offensive by offending bands like Rammstein and Die Ärzte. By covering their songs, I mean.
They clearly never saw it coming. And word is they don’t like it. The Spießer (bourgeois squares).
Der Schlagerbarde singt die Lieder derer, die ihn bisher so gern verhöhnten. Aber wehren können sie sich dagegen nicht.
Right in the middle of winter, too.
Die fast flächendeckend über Deutschland liegende Schneedecke wird wegen der erwarteten weiteren Schneefälle bis Mittwoch auf ein Gewicht von sechs Milliarden Tonnen ansteigen.
As in I’ll sue you! Geez. Berlin’s mayor Klaus Wowereit is all touchy these days for some reason. The guy clearly can’t lighten up and take a joke. Not like in the good old Party Klaus days, I mean.
Now he’s even unleashed his lawyer after German transvestite Olivia Jones made a suggestive comment about him (Klaus) and her, I mean him (Olivia) on trash TV’s finest: Jungle Camp.
Wait a minute. Shouldn’t she ought to sue herself for suggesting that she had anything to do with Klaus Wowereit? I sure the hell would. Talk about defamation of character.
„Wowereit? Ist das nicht dein … dein … dein …“ „Ja – aber das war doch nur einmal!“
If you like edgy, untraditional, eclectic, weird-ass, stupid as shit fashion, this is definitely the place for you!
“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
Or maybe Berlin Brandenburg Infamy International?
For now, Berlin’s new airport is officially called Willy Brandt Airport after the former Germ chancellor and Nobel Peace Prize winner widely acknowledged to have been one of post-war Germany’s greatest leaders.
But the image of the airport has been tarnished so heavily by the construction fiasco surrounding it that the Willy Brandt Foundation appears to regret the choice of name.
“Willy Brandt would probably turn in his grave if he knew that he’s supposed to give his name to this catastrophic airport.”
Dr. Evil: [about his new “laser“] You see, I’ve turned the moon into what I like to call a “Death Star”. [Scott snickers]
German defense firm Rheinmetall Defense used a new high-energy laser weapons system to shoot fast-moving drones at a distance. The system, which uses two laser weapons, was also used to cut through a steel girder a kilometer away.
All I can say is thank goodness this technology is in German hands. That way it will only be used for peaceful purposes. You know, like making money, and stuff like that.
ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Helmut Berger starts out as Dorian Gray,
only to end up as Dorian Gray (the painting),
throwing in the sweat-drenched towel on day two of RTL’s Dschungelcamp (The Jungle Camp) in Australia.
“Das klingt jetzt blöd, aber ich bin auch nur’n Mensch.”
Why in Berlin, of course. Or in old West Berlin, anyway.
Sie heißt “Where Are We Now” und beschwört in klagendem Ton ein vergangenheitsverwehtes Berlin.
You won’t regret it, Pyongyang! Germans have always been the one-stop experts when it comes to laying the groundwork for foreign investment in crumbling shithole communist states!
And here are just a few of the bennies your North Korean “companies” will soon be getting out of the coming deal:
We have absolutely no problem validating communism – we’ve been doing it for decades!
Our proven track record of indifference to the suffering populations under oppressive totalitarian regimes is virtually unmatched in the Western World!
Our economists and lawyers are all “can do will do” when it comes to selling expensive stuff to bullies of all varieties, no matter how bizarre, deranged or absolutely wacko they may be!
That is why you know that we support your latest master plan wholeheartedly – and we Germans KNOW a thing or two about master plans, too.
So remember Kim Jong: We are the pros when it comes to helping you help ourselves to help you help ourselves while helping you help us in the process.
“There is a master plan. They want to open up this year.”
Observing Hermann 