Category Archives: Home Cooking

Deutsche Post Introduces New Robotic Technology To Deliver Packages Late More Efficiently

October 4, 2017 By in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Intent on keeping up with the times, the German Post is now in the process of introducing a so-called Postbot that will help human postmen deliver their packages later than ever before, or not at all.

Postbot

Based on their human counterparts, the Postbot will regularly call in sick, inexplicably lose letters and packages assigned to it once it leaves the post office and regularly pretend to have ringed at apartments located two floors or higher before leaving a notice in the mailbox claiming that nobody was home when they were there. The Postbot will do this noticably faster and more efficiently, however, failing to deliver up to seven times the number of undelivered packages normal German postmen fail to deliver.

Union officials have expressed concern that the Postbot could threaten Deutsche Post jobs and insists that the robot must be granted obligatory union memborship to help slow down this frantic pace of technological advance.

In zwei Zustellbezirken wird das vierrädrige, 1,50 Meter hohe Gefährt den Boten hinterher fahren. Es könne bis zu 150 Kilo Briefe und Pakete transportieren, stoppe vor Hindernissen und überwinde Bordsteine. Mittels Sensoren erkennt er die Beine der menschlichen Postboten und folgt ihnen in Schrittgeschwindigkeit.

 

German Of The Day: Netzwerkdurchsetzungsgesetz

October 3, 2017 By in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

That means… Beats the hell out of me. I think it means something like Internet Enforcement Law.

Mass

At any rate, it’s this really clever new law pushed through by German Justice Minister Heiko Mass (SPD) – a particularly lame duck because his party is now history after last week’s election – that forces Internet companies like Facebook to remove “obviously illegal” posts (whatever that means) within 24 hour or pay big fines. This takes care of “hate speech” forever, see? Brilliant.

Of course it will also take care of a lot of posts that will have nothing at all to do with hate speech but will be blocked anyway by these companies. Just in case, you know?

Free speech ist not quite as free as it used to be in Germany. But it’s worth it, right?

Kritiker bemängeln, dass die Rechtsdurchsetzung in private Hände gelegt wird, und sie fürchten ein “Overblocking“: Die Betreiber könnten im Zweifel lieber zu viele Inhalte entfernen, um nicht mit dem NetzDG in Konflikt zu geraten. Dadurch gerate die Meinungsfreiheit in Gefahr.

 

German Of The Day: Ideologische Leerformeln

October 2, 2017 By in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

That means empty ideological formulas. And that is what author Thilo Sarrazin accuses Angela Merkel of hiding behind.

Sarrazin

“Merkel claims that she cannot see that she has done anything wrong. She acts as though she does not understand what belongs to the core responsibilities of a national government. That is, to decide who is allowed to enter the country and who is allowed to remain. Merkel does not have the Germans or the German people in view, she follows an internationalist and universalistic political approach.”

This guy regularly pisses everybody off with these “incorrect” views of his. And he’s SPD, for crying out loud. More power to him, I say. When he’s right on the money like he is here, at least.

Merkel tut so, als ob sie nicht verstanden hätte, was zu den Kernzuständigkeiten einer Zentralregierung gehört. Nämlich darüber zu entscheiden, wer ins Land kommen darf und wer sich hier aufhalten kann. Merkel hat nicht die Deutschen oder das deutsche Volk im Blick, sie verfolgt einen internationalistischen und universalistischen Politikansatz. Das kann man gut oder schlecht finden. Aber viele finden das nicht gut.

German Of The Day: Gesichtsverhüllung

October 1, 2017 By in Habeas Corpus, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

That means face shrouding or face disguising.

Gesicht

And as of today it is against the law to do so in Austria. It’s a burqa ban, so-to-speak. Too bad about all those other clown masks out there that people like to wear, though. And Halloween is coming up soon too, you know.

The restrictions are aimed at ‘ensuring the cohesion of society in an open society’, it says, and violations will be punished with a fine of up to €150.

Ähnliche Burkaverbote gibt es auch in Frankreich und Belgien. Der Europäische Gerichtshof für Menschenrechte hat in zwei Urteilen festgestellt, dass das Verbot rechtens ist.

Kiss Me You Big Dummy

September 29, 2017 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

But no more tongues.

Gerhard

Already head of the shareholders’ committee for Nord Stream (majority-owned by Russian state gas company Gazprom), Vlad Putin’s point man/gas man Gazprom Gerd Schroeder (he’s a former German chancellor (SPD) or something) has now been named head of the board of directors of Russian state oil giant Rosneft.

Rosneft is on the European Union’s list of companies facing sanctions following Russia’s annexation of Crimea, for starters, but who’s going to make a stink about that?

The chair of the Bundestag’s Foreign Affairs Committee, Norbert Röttgen, told German public broadcaster ZDF on Friday that it was “completely unbelievable” that Schröder would “cash in” on his earlier role as chancellor at a Russian company.

Rosneft was a “central building block” in Russian President Vladimir Putin’s system of power, Röttgen said. He went on to accuse Schröder of working to heighten Germany’s energy dependence on Russia.

Completely unbelievable? This has been going on for years, folks. What’s there not to believe about it now? We live in a world where there are no consequences for behavior like this. Get used to it already.

German Of The Day: Geld Stinkt Nicht

September 28, 2017 By in Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

That means money doesn’t stink.

Geld

Unless, maybe, you’re at the Oktoberfest and you’re a drunken tourist. A really, really, really drunken tourist. And then you have to use the toilet and can’t find any toilet paper there so you decide to use the money in your wallet instead (no, not the coins). And then you put that money back in your wallet again. And then those nice men from the Oktoberfest come to take you away so you can call your wife to have her come pick you up from their Oktoberfest detox cell.

It’s shared memories like those that are the best, don’t you think?

Too bad this guy didn’t know anything about money laundering. Prost (cheers)!

Aufgrund seines desolaten Zustandes wurde er in Gewahrsam genommen und zur Wiesn-Wache gebracht Die Beamten verständigten seine Ehefrau, die den 39-Jährigen abholte. Ich glaube nicht, dass die sehr erfreut war.

What Does NSA Stand For?

September 27, 2017 By in Hi-tech, High Art, History, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

For Narcissistic Street Art, of course.

Teufelsberg

Teufelsberg, meaning “devil’s mountain,” is actually the name of the man-made hill on which the Field Station sits. The site was chosen for its height rather than its obscure location, but the fact that it’s situated slap-bang in the middle of the Grunewald forest, requiring at least 30 minutes of uphill hiking to reach it from an S-Bahn train, does enhance the sense that it’s shrouded in mystery…

When the NSA left in the early ’90s, it took all its equipment with it. Reports about the activities that took place at Teufelsberg are classified until 2022. But even then, we may not find out much.

Angela Merkel Won The Election?

September 26, 2017 By in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Sure, she won. But just what did she win?

Jamaica

She won a much more streamlined CDU, for instance. That’s her party. Although still the biggest fraction in the Bundestag, they are a whole lot smaller now and will therefore be much easier for her to manage.

She won a junior partner that now has foam all over its mouth, the CSU in Bavaria. They lost even more votes than her party did. The CSU folks are so furious about this that they are preparing to fire their boss, Horst Seehofer, someone who she never got along with so that’s cool, but they have had it SO up to here with her Kuschelpolitik (cuddle policies) that they are also about to make some big demands she could still dodge in the past but will now have to agree to if she wants to stay in power (a ceiling for the number of refugees allowed to enter the country, for example).

She won a once in a lifetime opportunity to form a three-way government with two parties having completely different world views – the Greens (green counter-culture romanticism) and the FDP (free market liberalism). She has to make it work with them because that’s the only realistic option she’s got so they have her more over the barrel than the CSU does.

She also won a brand new political party in Germany, the AfD, her very own creation, which now sits fat and sassy as the third biggest fraction in the Bundestag, still completely radioactive but thoroughly able to slow everything down and make things ugly as the second biggest opposition party after the SPD – a former partner of hers she just helped murder on Sunday.

Wow. No wonder she looks so happy.

I’m telling you, either that woman has entered a completely different realm of human consciousness or they keep her pumped up with some REALLY good stuff the rest of us will never, ever be able to get our hands on.

Angela Merkel started her election campaign hoping for a wealth of options for forming a coalition government — from a repeat of the grand coalition with the Social Democrats to alliances with either the centrist Free Democrats (FDP) or the Green party. After Sunday night, the chancellor’s dance card contains just one name: Jamaica.

 

Can We Keep Schönefeld Open, Too?

September 25, 2017 By in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Tegel was only voted 8th worst airport in the world recently, after all. Schönefeld was numero uno. But now another vote is in.

Tegel

Berliners voted to keep the historic Tegel airport open even after a new international hub is completed, creating a headache for the German capital’s government, which wanted it closed.

Tegel sprang up in just 90 days in 1948 to support the Berlin Airlift, a huge operation to ship supplies and thwart a Cold War Soviet blockade. It is much-loved by many Berliners and business travellers for its proximity to the city center.

Berlin’s government will now have to rethink its plans to close Tegel after some 56 percent of voters supported the non-binding referendum on Sunday, the same day as Germany’s federal election, to reconsider the proposal.

“The result has created a very, difficult situation that could be legally and financially challenging.” Another chance for the Berlin Senat to excel, I say.

Rocket Science This Ain’t

September 24, 2017 By in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Wow, I’m so thankful that somebody finally cleared this up for all of us.

AfD

German far-right leader says Merkel’s refugee policy enabled his party’s rise.

Well I guess we’ll know more about this development later on today.

Washington Post: You were for decades a member of [Angela Merkel’s Christian Democratic Union]. As far as you’re concerned, did you leave the CDU or did the CDU leave you?

Alexander Gauland: Angela Merkel changed the CDU from a party that had convictions to a party that’s an empty balloon. There’s nothing in it any longer. A lot of decisions of Angela Merkel — transitioning to renewable energy, refugees, changing of the military from conscription to volunteer — ran opposite to what we called in former times “the soul of the CDU.”

Washington Post: Do you find that Germany is more divided now than it has been in previous years?

Alexander Gauland: Yes. It is more divided now. Because in the beginning of the refugee crisis, all media and all politicians were for refugees. The people who didn’t like this very much didn’t find their opinion in the media. And they couldn’t discuss their fear about what was going on in Germany. And that did divide the German society into the people who want to help [refugees] and the other ones who said we have enough problems in this country.

Das Ende der Bundesrepublik