German Offshore Wind Farms More Deadly Than Fukushima

April 22, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Health, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Green energy, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Technology, The Green Shirts, Wind Farms, Winde Energy Leave a comment

Nobody promised the Germans a rose garden when the so-called “energy turnaround” turned around the corner here last year.

So that’s why the three deaths and 80 serious accidents that have taken place so far while building Germany’s so badly needed offshore wind farms are being registered here with such stoic equanimity (or are being ignored altogether). Progress must march on or something. Keine Widerrede (no talking back)!

Do me a favor and wake me once this energy turnaround nonsense has finally turned around (as in over) and died itself.

Der Leiter des Havariekommandos in Cuxhaven, Hans-Werner Monsees, forderte gegenüber FOCUS ein „besseres und dichteres Rettungssystem“. Sonst drohe die Zahl der Toten und Schwerverletzten weiter zu steigen – in den nächsten Jahren werden bis zu 7000 Windräder vor der deutschen Küste installiert.

1 Percent?

April 20, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Books, E-Books, German, Germans, Germany, Hi-Tech, Humor, Price Fixing, Reading, Satire, Technology 3 Comments

That’s right. E-books only account for 1 percent of all book sales in Germany.

Why is this? Let us count the ways…

Germans believe they cannot read as well on digital reading devices. This is because they have never held a digital reading device in their hands, much less tried to read from one, but still.

Germans are convinced that they are “better” at reading from paper (I don’t make this stuff up, people).

Like savages who believe that a camera captures your soul, Germans believe that an e-book reader captures the souls of the books it, uh, holds captive (OK, that part I did make up).

But the biggest reason of all Germans don’t like e-books and e-book readers is that Germans don’t like technology. Technology that isn’t German, I mean.

“In Germany we’re still at 1 percent, but that’s already an increase of 77 percent from the previous year.”

PS: Of course low e-book sales in Germany might also have to do with the fact that German book prices are set by the German culture mafia (by the publishers!? = you pay the same artificially high price everywhere) so they get to set the e-book prices, too (you can pay up to $25 for one). And although printed books are exempt from Germany’s 19 percent value added tax, e-books aren’t. Not that the system is rigged or anything. I’m just saying.

We Hate Those Evil American Rating Agencies

April 16, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Europe, Financial crisis, Fitch, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Moody's, Rating Agencies, Satire, Standard & Poor's 2 Comments

But we don’t have the confidence (investor or otherwise) to create one ourselves.

The project to set up a European rating agency to challenge the dominance of American firms is at risk of collapsing, the German business daily Financial Times Deutschland reported on Monday. International consulting firm Roland Berger can’t find enough investors for its plan.

Hey, you-know-what happens. But don’t worry about it, Europe. It’s not like anybody is going to be rating you on this or anything. When in doubt (and you always are), just keep on bitching and moaning instead.

Ihnen wird nicht nur wegen Fehlbewertungen eine Mitschuld an der Finanzkrise gegeben. Auch ihre Rolle bei der Beurteilung der dramatischen Rettungsbemühungen und -konzepte für hochverschuldete Euro-Länder wie Griechenland, Portugal und Irland ist umstritten. Das Urteil der Ratingagenturen prägt letztlich vielfach die Marktreaktionen auf solche Bemühungen.

At Least He Made It To 65

April 13, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Beamte, Berlin, Civil Servant, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government Jobs, Government Waste, Government Work, Humor, Satire, Waste 3 Comments

Here’s more government in action for you, folks. German Beamte (civil servants). You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them (it’s verboten).

A retiring German public servant has signed off from work by emailing his 500 fellow staff to tell them that he had not done anything for 14 years.

The 65-year-old’s final words in the job were to crow over colleagues and say he had earned more than £600,000 without lifting a finger.

“I do not wish to say anything else.”

Die Lötzsche geht von Bord

April 12, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Bismarck, Communism, Die Linke, German, Germans, Germany, Gesine Lötsch, Humor, Leadership, Politics, Power, Satire, Socialism, The Left Party 1 Comment

Germany‘s Left Party was shocked or something yesterday by the surprise resignation of one of its top two fearless leaders, Gesine Loetszch.

I thought she’d never leave – but I’m going to miss her anyway. Really. She clearly said and did everything wrong you could possibly say and do (it must be hard being a communist who has to pretend not to be), but she still couldn’t get her leaky little Linke ship to sink. Sure, it’s run aground and all that and won’t be sailing anywhere ever again (not that it was ever going anywhere in the first place), but the damned thing just won’t go under.

I guess it’s time to bring in the demolition crew and scuttle this puppy for good.

Der Napoleon von der Saar, die schöne Kommunistin aus Berlin.

German Historian Unclear As To What Happened Between 1939 and 1945

April 11, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hate, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Books, Family, Family History, German, Germans, Germany, History, Humor, Satire, The Holocaust, World War II 5 Comments

Completely clueless as to what happened in Germany and environs during what appears to have been a rather turbulant period roughly between 1939 and 1945, a young German historian has written a book in which he asks his readers to ask their grandparents if they might possibly know.

“Whatever it was, it must have been a pretty big deal,” the historian said. “And as my studies now indicate, immediately after this whatever it was event, conversations about it between parents and children appear to have been nearly impossible as it was, well, hell if I know. That’s part of the mystery. And that’s why I’ve written this book.”

Time is running out. The answer to how a cultured, civilized nation did something “I dunno” (text slightly altered here) lies in the minds of the dying generation that took part, many of whom are ready and willing to talk at the end of their lives.

SPD Doesn’t Need Günter’s Help Anymore

April 10, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Günter Grass, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Israel, Left-Wing Intellectuals, Politics, Satire, SPD 3 Comments

“We can continue to screw up our image just fine all on our own, thank you,” A party spokesman said.

With comrades like these who needs enemies?

“Seine Zeit ist einfach vorbei.”

Poor But Sexy But Drunk

April 9, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Alcohol, Bars, Beer, Berlin, Business, Clubs, Drinks, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Kneipen, Pubs, Satire Leave a comment

Traditional Kneipen (neighborhood pubs) are dropping like Fliegen (flies) these days in Germany.

The latest statistics indicate that their number has dropped nationwide from 48,000 to 36,000 since 2001.

But thank goodness Berlin and Berliners are standing up to buck the trend. While the number of Kneipen in other cities like Hamburg has dropped 48.1 percent during this period, the number of new Kneipen in Berlin rose 95.8 percent. Damn. You can’t set the bar much higher than that.

“Mit dem Wirtshaus verschwindet eine Einrichtung mit hohem sozialen und kulturellen Stellenwert aus den Gemeinden.”

German Peace Movement Thanks Grass

April 8, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Günter Grass, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Israel, Pacifism, Peace Marches, Poetry, Satire, The Death Penalty, The Peace Movement 1 Comment

When not smoking it, I mean.

Literally dozens of German peaceniks hit the streets for Easter peace marches over the weekend calling for all things peace-like and supporting everything from peace visionary/poet Günter Grass to anti-death penalty protestation in front of the war mongering US-Amerikan Embassy in Berlin (Amerikans (they are Amerikans) not to mention Israelis (they are Jewish) no like peace, speak with forked toungue, kill Indians and Palestinians and conspire to do many, many other bad things all the time even right now as we speak).

Epiphany time: If only the rest of us could finally open up our hearts and learn from their shining example and give peace a chance and start living together in harmony together the world over, hand in hand, so-to-speak, with goodness and niceness for all. The world would be a better place, you know. You f*#!%ers.

“Du bist geblieben, was Du freiwillig geworden bist: der SS-Mann, der das 60 Jahre verschwiegen hat, aber den Bundeskanzler Kohl anpöbelte, weil der Hand in Hand mit einem amerikanischen Präsidenten einen Soldatenfriedhof besuchte, auf dem auch 40 SS-Gefallene liegen.”

Artistic Productions Like This Cost Money You Know

March 30, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Art, Artists, Berlin, Culture, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Kunst, Scams, Subsidies Leave a comment

We’re artists. So give us your, I mean our money.

This is what Germans get for a billion euros of arts subsidies each and every year. Jiminy Crickets. I don’t even want to think about what they’d be getting for less.

Please, Berlin. For the love of all that is holy freakin’ cow. Keep those subsidies coming.

“Der Kulturinfarkt: Von allem zu viel und überall das Gleiche.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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