Pleasant Christmas Smells Make Germans Sick

December 11, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Christmas, German, Germans, Germany, Health, Holidays, Humor, Psychology, Satire, Smells 2 Comments

And here you always figured that your lousy Chirstmas spirit had to do with the dreaded Verwandtenbesuch (visiting relatives). Well, it does. But recent research indicates that Christmas smells in abundance (and they always are this time of year) can also make Germans irritable and depressed.

That’s right. Aromatic candles, incense, advent wreaths with cinnamon and cloves, vanilla, anise, coriander, you name it. All these wonderfully smelly yule tide substances now pose a health threat to us (I mean you) and should be enjoyed in moderation only. I mean not be enjoyed in moderation only, of course.

Bah! Humbug already!

“Zuerst empfindet man den Duft noch als angenehm, aber bald schon kippt die Stimmung, man fühlt sich unwohl, leer oder gereizt.”

Duff Beer Exists Here

December 6, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Beer, Bier, Courts, Duff Beer, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Law, Satire, The Simpsons Leave a comment

Homer Simpson is a cartoon character, right? And Duff beer is imaginary.

But in Germany you can enjoy Duff beer for real, brewed by two separate companies even, if you want to, because Germany’s Federal Court of Justice (the nation’s highest court of law) said you could.

I don’t make this stuff up, people. This country’s a freakin’ fantasia land amusement park or something. For cryin’ out loud.

“In dieser Zeichentrickserie tritt ein Herr Homer Simpson auf, und dieser Herr trinkt”, erläuterte der Vorsitzende Richter Joachim Bornkamm in der mündlichen Verhandlung. Wobei Bornkamm betonte, es sei wohl “ein eher billiges Bier”.

We Ain’t No Fools

November 25, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Banking, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Politics, Satire, SPD, Switzerland, Tax evasion Leave a comment

It’s either all or nothing when you’re the SPD and it comes to German tax evaders with Swiss bank accounts. So, uh, we’ll take nothing.

It has to do with principle or something. Rejecting the deal that would have allowed Germans with “undeclared assets in Switzerland to avoid punishment by making a one-off payment” was absolutely essential for Germany’s opposition Social Democrats. Because, well, because why was that again? Oh yeah, now I remember. Because by passing the Swiss tax deal, the Genossen (comrades) explain, this would have made “honest taxpayers feel like fools.”

So now the honest taxpayers the SPD is so concerned about lose out on roughly 180-200bn euros that they will have come up with themselves (because the SPD would never in their wildest dreams ever even consider cutting spending – reducing taxes – on the other side of the equation). But at least they won’t have to feel like they’re fools while doing so.

“The German upper house has missed a major opportunity to reach a fair, optimum and sustainable solution for all parties to definitively settle the bilateral tax issues.”

“We’re going to prove that three public-sector owners can build a project like this,”

November 23, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Airports, BBI, BER International Airport, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Meglomania, Projects, Public Sector, Satire, Social Democrats, SPD 2 Comments

Wowereit said.

The investigation into the massive delays in opening Berlin’s new BER international airport have begun. Managers have been fired and architects have been sued — but what about the capital’s mayor, who has led the prestige project since 2001?

…Hochtief executives quickly learned that the project had changed since Wowereit had been put in charge. Now the walls were to be covered with expensive walnut veneer paneling. The roof was to be built in a futuristic, free-floating design. And the granite used for the floors at other major airports, like Hamburg and Düsseldorf, was no longer good enough. Berlin’s new terminal had to have expensive Jura limestone floors instead.

…Wowereit, a member of the center-left Social Democratic Party (SPD), also recognized early on that the one person who doesn’t hold any share of the blame is Wowereit himself.

“I don’t see what concrete accusations should be leveled against the supervisory board,” says Wowereit.

German Blue Cards Going Like Hotcakes

November 18, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Blue Cards, Bureaucracy, German, Germans, Germany, Green Cards, Humor, Immigration, Labor, Satire, Skilled Workers, Xenophobia Leave a comment

A mass influx of skilled foreign laborers with “blue cards” to Germany is causing unexpected bureaucratic headaches and unsettling the already unsettled German xenophobic population at large.

So far, a grand total of 139 (that’s 1-3-9) foreign professionals have received the coveted card, camparable to the US-Amerikan “green card,” since its introduction in August.

“Wow. We had no idea just how bad people wanted to come here,” said one suprised immigration official. “This was way too easy. But how are we going to find jobs for all these folks now?”

Skilled employees from outside the European Union have apparantly been lining up everywhere and eating their achy breaky yearning little hearts out in earnest for this envied piece of blue plastic for quite some time now, partly due, it seems, to Germany’s celebrated image of being an overly bureaucratic and unwelcoming place for foreigners of all non-German kinds.

“German immigration law is still complicated and not very transparent for foreign skilled employees.”

Electricity Prices Rising Dramatically For Some Reason

November 16, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: Energiewende, Energy Turnaround, Germans, Germany, Nuclear power, Satire, Solar Power 1 Comment

In a puzzling move that absolutely no one can explain, more than 200 German power suppliers have announced that they will be making big price hikes in the coming year. Consumers will then pay about 11 percent more on average.

Some experts speculate that the unexpected price increases could have to do with the costs associated with the increased efficiency and service currently being witnessed throughout the industry (see yesterday’s post). Others have surmised that these increased costs will be needed by the industry in the winter months to help fight global warming, or cooling in this case. Another group of experts believes that this dramatic move was prompted because Germans, already long used to paying some of the highest energy bills in Europe, just won’t notice and/or care.

Die Preissteigerungen begründen die Konzerne mit den gestiegenen Kosten für die erneuerbaren Energien.

Germans Have Psychological Issues With Regards To Amerika?

November 9, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Infatuation, Inferiority Complex, Psychoanalysis, Psychology, Psychotherapy, Satire, Schadenfreude, Superiority Complex, Trauma 12 Comments

Like, dude. I honestly had no idea.

German schadenfreude knows no bounds, particularly when it comes to the United States. The country loves to feel superior to a superpower like America. Yet Germany also harbors a childish infatuation with Obama — one which has little political grounding. The reasons are psychological.

…The criticism of America has always been a bit infantile. One is familiar with the theory from psychoanalysis, when people talk about transference, or when suppressed feelings or emotions are overcome by projecting them onto others. It may work for a while, improving one’s feeling of self-worth by devaluing an imagined adversary. But it always falls short. Which is why the ritual must be constantly carried out anew.

“Dramatically Poor”

November 8, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Economy, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Industry, The Euro, The Euro Crisis, The Eurozone Crisis Leave a comment

German exports fell in September at the fastest pace since late last year, official figures show, adding to evidence that the eurozone crisis has infected the continent’s economic powerhouse.

September imports fell 1.6% and exports declined 2.5% month-on-month, seasonally adjusted data from the Federal Statistics Office showed. Overall exports were down 3.4% from a year earlier but orders from eurozone countries plunged 9.1%.

“The trade figures are a normal consequence of the dramatically poor industrial orders, which have fallen at their sharpest rate in a year.”

Expats Pouting?

October 28, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Democrats, Elections, Europe, Expats, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obama, Polls, Presidential Election, Republicans, Romney, Satire, Voting 1 Comment

He may be the World President, but is he still ours?

“There’s a high interest (in voting) among expats in Germany, but I sense those on the Democrat side aren’t as fervent today as they were in 2008. There’s intense disappointment in President Obama’s leadership.”

Meanwhile… An opinion poll by the Emnid polling institute found 87 percent of German nationals would vote for Obama and only 5 percent for Romney if they had the chance to cast ballots.

Enthusiasm for Obama wanes among U.S. voters in Europe

Now It’s Getting Surreal

October 26, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bullshitter, Elections, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Journalism, Obama, Opinion, Romney, Satire, The President, The Presidential Election Leave a comment

You know, as in having that disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream and being all like, well, unreal or fantastic?

I just stumbled across a German commentary in German published by a German in Germany entitled: Vielleicht ist Mitt Romney die bessere Wahl für die USA (Maybe Mitt Romney is the better choice for the USA).

Toto, you bullshitter, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

Der republikanische Präsidentschaftsbewerber hat als Gouverneur bewiesen, dass er pragmatisch regieren kann. Obama blieb unter den Erwartungen.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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