Renewable Energy Actually Works In Germany

May 12, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Renewable energy, Solar energy, Wind Energy Leave a comment

But only if it stays REALLY sunny and REALLY windy ALL the time. Like even at night.

For those of us who live here, well… Let’s just say that they’re still working on that part.

Germany hit an incredible new high in renewable energy generation at the weekend – pushing power prices into the negative and allowing consumers to get paid to consume electricity.

At one point, the sunny and windy day weather propelling its solar plants and wind turbines supplied 87 percent of the power being consumed.

Meanwhile… Solarworld verdoppelt Verluste.

“I can sing the Ode to Joy in German!”

May 9, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Boris Johnson, Brexit, EU, German, Language, Singing 2 Comments

Boris Johnson then added that “the French and German failure to get our jokes was a reason to vote Leave” the European Union (Brexit).

“There is simply no common political culture in Europe; no common media, no common sense of humour or satire and – this is important – no awareness of each other’s politics,” he said.

Dammit, that makes sense! Or at least I think it does.

“No, I don’t believe that leaving the EU would cause World War Three to break out on the European continent.”

German Of The Day: Bollerwagen

May 5, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Ascension Day, Beer, Booze, Father's Day, German, Germans, Germany, Holidays, Humor, Language, Tradition 2 Comments

That means handcarts. Handcarts filled with beer.

And if a handcart isn’t available on German Father’s Day (Ascension Day) then you can always use a baby buggy or a shopping cart to put your booze in.

Es ist kompliziert. Warum aus Christi Himmelfahrt auch der Vater- und Herrentag geworden ist, lässt sich nicht mehr so recht nachvollziehen. Es wird spekuliert, dass die Prozession der Jünger Jesu zu einem Berg als Vorbild für die Männer mit Bollerwagen dienten.

Many Germans Feeling Ill Already

May 4, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Health, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Dope, German, Germans, Germany, Grass, Law, Legalization, Legislation, Marijuana, Medicine, Pot, Puns 1 Comment

Germany will legalise medical cannabis in early 2017.

Now the government just has to figure out how to grow the stuff – The ultimate goal of German health authorities is to grow medical marijuana on German soil at specially approved sites.

It is a high art, after all. And knowing how our half-baked buds in government regularly blow things sky high, the whole thing might just end up going to pot. I bet you it’s going to toke them forever to sucseed, in other words.

Um die Versorgung mit Cannabis in kontrollierter Qualität sicherzustellen, will die Regierung den Anbau der Droge zu medizinischen Zwecken unter staatlicher Kontrolle ermöglichen. Über den Anbau wacht das Bundesinstitut für Arzneimittel und Medizinprodukte.

Secret European Army Being Planned By The Same Folks Who Brought Us The Euro And Refugee Crises

May 3, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Armies, Berlin, Brexit, EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Refugees 4 Comments

So like what force in the universe could possibly stand in its way? Or even want to. Honey, where’s our white flag?

British Brexit campaigners have been boosted with news from Berlin that Germany is once more pushing for an EU army encompassing all 28 member states with a joint HQ and shared military planning.

Along with judicial, tax and immigration issues, a Euro army has for long been one of the main irritants of anti-EU campaigners.

“German security policy has relevance — also for beyond our country. Germany is willing to join early, decisively and substantially as a driving force in international debates … to take responsibility and assume leadership.”

German Rents Keep Rising

April 28, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Animals, Bees, Chickens, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Rabbits Leave a comment

You have to shell out $85 a week at Rent-a-Huhn just for five lousy chickens, for instance.

Bee-Rent will set you back nearly $200 a month for your bee box. And I wouldn’t even want to tell you what renting out a rabbit companion for your rabbit costs. Not even if I knew, I mean.

Farm living is the life for me (not).

“The hens are very relaxed when I pick them up again – and so are the customers, who are often sad to see their feathery friends leave.”

Germany To Receive Electroshock Therapy

April 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Automobiles, Electric Cars, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Subsidies Leave a comment

In another electrifying example of tax dollar waste (or in this case tax euro waste), Angela Merkel’s government has just made a deal with automakers to spend some 1.2 billion euros on incentives to boost sluggish electric car sales in Germany.

“The goal is to move forward as quickly as possible on electric vehicles,” one high-ranking government official said while attaching the electrodes to the German nation’s sweaty forehead. “With this, we are giving an impetus.”

And if that first shock doesn’t work, who cares? This is renewable energy they’re using here, folks.

Just over 30,000 electric vehicles, which are more expensive than conventional models, have been sold in Germany. That’s a tiny fraction of the more than 3 million cars bought each year in a country which has historically leaned on diesel technology to reduce carbon-dioxide emissions.

Bye American

April 25, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bermany, German, Germans, Hanover, Merkel, Obama, Trade, TTIP Leave a comment

And take those dopey google-goggle thingies with you when you go.

And don’t let the virtually real door hit you on your way out.

And no tongues.

Buy American, buy German – auf der Hannover Messe frotzeln Merkel und Obama miteinander. Die Regierungschefs wissen, dass sich die Unternehmen ihrer Länder einen harten Kampf um Absatzmärkte liefern.

UFO Crash Site Secured In Germany

April 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Army, German, Germans, Germany, Hohenfels, Humvees, Military, Parachutes, UFOs 2 Comments

I mean UFO as in Unimpeded Falling Object, by the way.

And first reports indicate that these eerie, extraterrestrial vehicles appear to be American made. I got your Area 51 for you right here, pal.

Wenn Autos vom Himmel regnen, dann hat man entweder Drogen genommen, oder man befindet sich offenbar auf dem Truppenübungsplatz in Hohenfels.

German Of The Day: Majestätsbeleidigung

April 20, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Böhmermann, Censorship, Erdogan, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Insults, Justice, Language, Law, Legislation, Satire, Slander Leave a comment

That means a slight or an insult against a sovereign majesty-type person (lèse majesté).

You know, the crime German comedian Jan Böhmermann recently committed against the Top Sultan What’s in Charge in Turkey? In the year 2016, I mean?

Anyways, this law, paragraph 103, is still on the books here in Germany and Hamburg’s justice minister has decided to go way out on the limb here and give it a shot and see if he could maybe sort of like get rid of this ridiculous piece of legislation already. It would be a big step forward into the unknown and all that, of course, but I, for one, am convinced that German civilization will be able to handle it.

Die Justizbehörde geht davon aus, dass das Gesetz noch vor der Sommerpause gestrichen werden könnte und das Verfahren gegen Böhmermann dann eingestellt werden müsste. Davon unberührt blieben jedoch Ermittlungen gegen Böhmermann wegen Beleidigung nach Paragraf 185 Strafgesetzbuch.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Humor