We Hate Those Evil American Rating Agencies

But we don’t have the confidence (investor or otherwise) to create one ourselves.

The project to set up a European rating agency to challenge the dominance of American firms is at risk of collapsing, the German business daily Financial Times Deutschland reported on Monday. International consulting firm Roland Berger can’t find enough investors for its plan.

Hey, you-know-what happens. But don’t worry about it, Europe. It’s not like anybody is going to be rating you on this or anything. When in doubt (and you always are), just keep on bitching and moaning instead.

Ihnen wird nicht nur wegen Fehlbewertungen eine Mitschuld an der Finanzkrise gegeben. Auch ihre Rolle bei der Beurteilung der dramatischen Rettungsbemühungen und -konzepte für hochverschuldete Euro-Länder wie Griechenland, Portugal und Irland ist umstritten. Das Urteil der Ratingagenturen prägt letztlich vielfach die Marktreaktionen auf solche Bemühungen.

SPD Doesn’t Need Günter’s Help Anymore

“We can continue to screw up our image just fine all on our own, thank you,” A party spokesman said.

With comrades like these who needs enemies?

“Seine Zeit ist einfach vorbei.”

German Peace Movement Thanks Grass

When not smoking it, I mean.

Literally dozens of German peaceniks hit the streets for Easter peace marches over the weekend calling for all things peace-like and supporting everything from peace visionary/poet Günter Grass to anti-death penalty protestation in front of the war mongering US-Amerikan Embassy in Berlin (Amerikans (they are Amerikans) not to mention Israelis (they are Jewish) no like peace, speak with forked toungue, kill Indians and Palestinians and conspire to do many, many other bad things all the time even right now as we speak).

Epiphany time: If only the rest of us could finally open up our hearts and learn from their shining example and give peace a chance and start living together in harmony together the world over, hand in hand, so-to-speak, with goodness and niceness for all. The world would be a better place, you know. You f*#!%ers.

“Du bist geblieben, was Du freiwillig geworden bist: der SS-Mann, der das 60 Jahre verschwiegen hat, aber den Bundeskanzler Kohl anpöbelte, weil der Hand in Hand mit einem amerikanischen Präsidenten einen Soldatenfriedhof besuchte, auf dem auch 40 SS-Gefallene liegen.”

State Subsidies In Action

This would be funny if wasn’t so funny. Where do we want to go broke today? Q-Cells is now the fourth major bankruptcy in the German solar industry sector of late and although they are sure to have made a lot of dumb mistakes themselves, they certainly couldn’t have gone bankrupt “this well” without the German government’s relentless and merciless help.

It’s all about drugs, subsidy drugs. And once these subsidy drugs had been administered – in this case promoting wonderful and environmentally friendly solar technology for the good of all German-kind (in a country where sunshine is still a news item) – most of these companies failed to wean themselves from their reliance upon them and made some bad business decisions as a result (decisions they wouldn’t have made if they had been clean).

In the meantime, Asian competitors in the real world learned to produce the solar technology cheaper (as usual) and, just to add a little insult to injury here, it turns out that the German government helped the Chinese solar industry with financial aid , too. Only they did this better than they did in Germany.

Then Berlin finally got tired of shelling out all this money back home and started reducing the dosage faster than the addicts could adapt to and, well,  the rest is history, or Geschichte, if you prefer.

So what’s the moral of the story? Remember those nine most terrifying words in the English language: “We’re from the government and we’re here to help.”

Somehow the German government must have lost sight of the fact that its policy in fact encourages the demise of Germany’s own solar industry. The development bank of the government-owned KfW group of banks supports China’s green industry with low-interest loans. Ironically, the German Investment and Development Company (DEG), also a subsidiary of KfW, is one of the financial backers of Chinese industry giant Yingli Solar.

Lights Turned Out Last Night To Save Planet Earth Again

Damn. I always knew that I was ahead of my time when it came to saving our world as we know it, but up until last night’s “Earth Hour,” I honestly had no idea just how ahead of my time I was, I mean am.

I’ve been turning the lights out at night (when I go to bed) for as long as I can remember, and I’m as old as the hills.

So come on, people. Stop living in the dark and start turning off your lights now, too!

“Indem wir das Licht ausschalten, setzen wir ein Symbol für erneuerbare Energien weltweit.”

Just Say No

As usual, I mean. Berliners in Kreuzberg (or at least that active, left-wing kind) aren’t interested in finding new solutions for urban living, thank you. And they’ll even threaten you with violence if you try to establish “temporary cultural space” to attempt to do so (go ask BMW Guggenheim Lab). Kreuzbergers don’t do culture. Temporary or otherwise.

And speaking of resistence… The rest of the country is pretty much Kreuzberg all over again (only on a much larger scale) when it comes to saying no to the Internet (some call it the Internetz).

This isn’t really a news item or anything, but now certain German businessmen types are actually starting to get worried about their country “sleeping through the Internet” age like it does.

They have come to discover that their fellow Germans provide “too few qualified professionals, suffer way too much from risk aversion and are caught up in a tightly structured regulation frenzy.” Like I said, this isn’t anything new. But the real question is: What are you going to be able to do about that? Not a damned thing, of course.

Das Internet ist ein globaler Treiber für die Wirtschaft. Doch in Deutschland bremsen Fachkräftemangel und hohe Anforderungen an den Datenschutz die Firmen aus.

Germany In Grave Danger Again

It’s all over but the crying now. Or whining, if you prefer. German Wetter (weather) just keeps getting wetter!

A new study tells us that the number of “devastating” storms, heavy rains and other weather-related “natural catastrophes” has tripled in Germany since the 70s! Wow. Have there actually been three already?

Scarier still is that the climate model for the next thirty years (this in a country that can’t get the weather forecast for tomorrow right, mind you) calls for even more “heavy precipitation” that will most likely lead to – oh my God we’re all going to die – flooding! That’s right, the f-word. Oh the horror or something. And you thought it couldn’t happen here.

„Für die nächsten 30 Jahre rechnen Klimamodelle in Deutschland vor allem mit einer Zunahme der Sturmintensität und mit mehr Starkniederschlägen, die zu Überschwemmungen führen.“

Germany’s Energy Turnaround Rocks

They never promised you a rose garden (actually, they did). It looks like Germany’s Energiewende (the energy turnaround = shutting down nuclear power and waiting for solar and wind energy to pick up slack) is going to have its price, too.

And it looks likes the first installment will by about a seven percent increase in energy costs for private housholds. But Germans pay these increases gladly, I think. At least for now (seven percent is just the start, of course). It’s back to the future. It’s for the common good. Or it’s for saving the planet or something.

Uh, like why don’t they just have “the state” pay for it. Oh, that’s right. They already are (the taxpayers are, that is).

Stromtrassen, Umschlagwerke oder intelligente Stromzähler kosten den Staat Milliarden. Draufzahlen muss am Ende oft der Verbraucher – offenbar bis zu sieben Prozent in den kommenden Jahren.

Remember The Ozone Hole?

We were just kidding.

No, seriously. Something called the Montreal Protocol just saved the world as we know it from most certain destruction, bringing about a “healing of the ozone layer” and thus reducing our exposure to harmful UV rays from the sun which was being caused by, well, refrigerators and aerosol spray cans. Just like that. Almost as if by magic or something.

A German research institute has even confirmed this wonderful news, so you can bet that it’s for real (Germans are very thorough, you know). And said German research institute, like all those other research institutes out there, is being completely objective here and has in no way profited from the research funds given it to research said ozone hole phenomena and only böse Zungen (malicious tongues) would suggest otherwise.

The underlying message here: To rid the world of all manner of unpleasantness and harmful gas, both hot and cold, all we need are more protocols (like Montreal or Kyoto, say), and not less. Or fewer, I mean. And more funding, of course.

“The results are encouraging. The fact that the ozone layer in the regions researched has become thicker is a result of the successful Montreal Protocol.”

Our Holy Hymnal Election Video, Amen

Wow. If anyone appreciates good propaganda, it’s these guys. The Der Spiegel clearly, if not accidently, got this one right: Obama, Amerikas Supermann.

“Oscar winner Davis Guggenheim directed it, Oscar winner Tom Hanks narrated it: Barack Obama’s election strategists have released a 17 minute promotional film. It stylizes the US President as a lonely hero who has single-handedly led his country out of crisis.”

Coming soon to a living room near you.

“Dieses Video ist für die Fans, und ihr wisst, wer sich angesprochen fühlen sollte.”