Deutsche Baaaank

It looks like it’s going to be a long fall.

Deutsche Bank

Sorry, I mean it already has been a long fall. But at least this fall is free.

It would be an understatement to say Deutsche Bank AG is going through a difficult period. It chalked up its third straight annual loss in 2017. The new chief executive officer, Christian Sewing, has unveiled the bank’s fourth turnaround plan in as many years, yet its shares have fallen to a record low…

How much time does the bank have? Not a lot.

Der Aktienkurs der Deutschen Bank ist auf ein neues Allzeittief gefallen. Am Mittwochmorgen notierte das Papier bei 8,76 Euro – ein Trauerspiel mit Vorgeschichte.

German Of The Day: Aktionskunst

That means performance art. And in one of the stupidist performances seen to date in Berlin, Greenpeace activists painted the streets around the Siegessäule (Victory Column) yellow. Greenpeace went yellow, in other words.

Greenpeace

They stole this idea from the ancient Egyptions, I believe, as they also worshipped the sun (it kind of looks like the sun, see?). The yellow paint, I think, representing, uh, sunlight or something and thus symbolizing, well, how the hell am I supposed to know what this symbolizes? Wait, I’ve got it now. It symbolizes just how awful coal-firng power plants can be for sun-worshiping Greenpeace Germans (yellow or not) and the rest of humanity for that matter and that they need to be shut down immediately or something. Big medicine, folks. Why didn’t somebody think of doing this before?

Die Berliner Polizei ermittelt gegen Aktivisten der Umweltorganisation Greenpeace – zum einen wegen gefährlichen Eingriffs in den Straßenverkehr, zum anderen wegen eines Verstoßes gegen das Versammlungsgesetz. Greenpeace hatte am Dienstagmorgen um 7.30 Uhr auf dem Großen Stern in Tiergarten gelbe Farbe ausgekippt, insgesamt 3500 Liter.

A Little Burkini Never Hurt Anybody

In Germany, I mean. It certainly doesn’t bother Germany’s Family Minister Franziska Giffey of the SPD.

Untergang

Letting Muslim girls wear them during swim instruction is better than not having them take part in swim instruction at all, right? It’s not like school authorities have an alternative. They couldn’t force them to take part or, Allah forbid, fail them for not doing so. And wearing them wouldn’t be the downfall of the Western World, Frau Giffey assures us.

And she’s right on the money with that one. The downfall of the Western World has already taken place (the dinosaurs didn’t know they were already extinct, either). At least in Europe. Again: Great catastrophes are often the accumulation of smaller mishaps, mistakes and omissions, etc. And they’re all around us now, folks. Wherever you look.

“Wichtig sei nur, dass der Bildungsauftrag im Vordergrund stehe und die Sache „nicht hochstilisiert wird zum Untergang des Abendlandes.”

German Of The Day Same German Of The Day As Friday German Of The Day: Totgesagte Leben Länger

That means “those declared dead live longer” or there’s life in the old dog yet.

Kroos

Stayin’ alive is stayin’ alive. And it was quite a thing to see live.

Germany’s World Cup hopes were hanging by a thread as they stood level at 1-1 with Sweden, knowing a draw would make it very hard for them to advance out of Group F. Then Toni Kroos stepped up in the game’s dying minutes…

Make Deutschland Kroos again!

German Of The Day: Totgesagte Leben Länger

That means “those declared dead live longer” or there’s life in the old dog yet.

Merkel

Sure, Angela Merkel’s approval rating has long become a disapproval rating and nearly half of Germans polled would like to see her step down now but what does that have to do with anything? There is no direct balloting for the office of Chancellor or they would have voted her out of office years ago. The parliamentary majority decides. And harmless little old Angela Merkel has spent years bumping off anyone in her party who could even remotely pose a threat to her position as boss lady. Nope, things will just keep plugging along, one painful step in the wrong direction after the other. Same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie? Same procedure as every year, James.

By the way, did you know that most great catastrophes don’t just happen suddenly, out of nowhere and overnight? They usually result after a long accumulation of smaller mishaps, mistakes and poor decisions has taken place.

Berlin. Angesichts der aktuellen Regierungskrise um die Asylpolitik ist fast jeder zweite Deutsche für eine Ablösung von Bundeskanzlerin Angela Merkel. In einer Umfrage des Meinungsforschungsinstituts YouGov sprachen sich 43 Prozent dafür aus, dass Merkel zurücktritt und ihr Amt an einen Nachfolger oder eine Nachfolgerin übergibt.

German Of The Day: Klassenbester

That means top of the class.

Nitrates

And that’s what Germany is when it comes to all things green and environmental and renewable and organic and… You get the picture, right? Well, that’s what I thought up until recently, too. Turns out they’re not very good at restricting the use of nitrates, though.

Germany ‘to be fined BILLIONS‘ for breaking EU environmental laws after ECJ ruling – The ECJ ruled that Germany breached a Brussels directive by failing to take enough action to tackle water pollution. The verdict by the EU’s highest court, based in Luxembourg, came after growing concerns about the levels of nitrates in German water. Nitrates are widely used as fertilisers, but the chemical can harm the environment and cause health risks through water pollution.

Der Europäische Gerichtshof in Luxemburg hat Deutschland wegen Verletzung von EU-Recht verurteilt, weil die Bundesregierung zu wenig gegen Nitrate im Grundwasser unternommen hat. Geklagt hatte die EU-Kommission.

War Is Over! (f You Want It)

What? That was it? No more trade war hysteria? Just when it was starting to get interesting? What Luschen (duds).

EU

The Wall Street Journal reported that Richard Grenell, the U.S. ambassador to Germany, has been in talks recently with the chief executives of German car makers BMW, Volkswagen and Daimler, where they pitched the idea of ending car tariffs between the U.S. and the EU.

During these talks, the executives said they would be in favor of scrapping these levies as part of a broader deal encompassing industrial goods, the Journal said.

“Germany has the right approach to resolving this trade disagreement among friends.”

Trump Responsible For Germany’s Weakening Economy

What a jerk.

Trump

Worse still, he tweets awful things about German officials and the increased crime rate they have brought to their country due to the influx of migrants.

Migrants

Worserer still, he’s also the reason why Germany will be missing its CO2 emissions target for 2020.

Emissions

And worstest of all, he is personally responsible for Germany’s loss to Mexico in the World Cup.

Mexico

And all of this on a Tuesday? They should rename it Trumpday.

Die deutsche Wirtschaft schwächelt, das stellen führende Wirtschaftsforschungsinstitute fest. Schuld ist demnach auch die Politik von US-Präsident Donald Trump.