Bio Business Big Bad Business

June 4, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Arte, Big Business, Documentaries, Food, German, Germans, Germany, Mafia, Money, Organic Food, TV Leave a comment

Everybody buys Bio (organic) here. You know, like with real, non-organic money? It’s not just for the bio bourgeoisie anymore.

So don’t watch that there “Bio-Illusion” documentary on Arte if you can help it, folks. Not even if you can go back in time to yesterday to see it when it was on, I mean. Which you can’t, I bet.

Those who believe that organic farming is the work of some sinister food mafia will only be reinforced after watching the documentary “Bio-Illusion.” The others will be angry, with good reason.

Wo Bio draufsteht, muss noch längst nicht Bio drin sein.

PS: Speaking of the organic illusion, here’s another one for you here made in the US of A.

That’s No German Sunbather

June 3, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education Tags: Airplanes, German, Germans, Germany, Helgoland, Near Misses, Videos 1 Comment

This here “Video captures terrifying moment low-flying plane misses German sunbather by just inches” video is like such a fake.

That dude can’t be a German sunbather. He’s still wearing clothes.

A German sunbather is seen just seconds before a plane nearly collided into him while attempting to land on a nearby airstrip at the island of Helgoland, in northern Germany.

German Of The Day: Lebenslänglich

June 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Media, Murder, Prisons, Punishment 1 Comment

That means life-long, like in a life-long prison sentence?

That’s what this guy here got for killing that young woman there (and someone else not pictured), pretty much televised live. Actually, he got two life-long prison sentences. And that’s why he’s getting out of prison now because life-long in Germany, as in life-long prison sentence life-long, means 15 years and since he was sentenced in 1991 that means that, well, I dunno, he’s been in there a whole lot of years and it’s only fair that he be allowed to come out now, right?

Das Landgericht in Essen hatte die beiden Männer 1991 zu lebenslanger Haft verurteilt.

Cheepnis

June 1, 2014 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Amazon, Dumb Deutsch, eBooks, Frank Zappa, German, Humor, Language, Sales, Satire 2 Comments

It doesn’t get any cheaper than this, folks. Not for this ebook here, it doesn’t.

Kindle Countdown Deals let authors provide readers with limited-time discount promotions on their books available on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk

German Intelligence Service Devises Diabolically New And Original Espionage Technique

June 1, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: BND, Eavesdropping, Edward Snowden, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Intelligence Agencies, NSA, Satire Leave a comment

But don’t tell anybody you heard it from me.

It goes like this: The BND is soon going to start monitoring users of social networks like Facebook and Twitter in something they are referring to here as “Echtzeit.” “Echtzeit” can roughly be translated as “real-time” and means that said users will be monitored – now get this – live. That’s right. Like while it’s actually happening?

Let me repeat this so you will understand the implications of what it is I’m saying here: They will actually be seeing what these people are typing while they are actually typing it. Just like you and I and everybody else on Facebook and Twitter the world over are doing already, I mean. Like how creepy is that?

Befreundete Nachrichtendienste seien methodisch viel weiter

Katharina S.

May 31, 2014 By Hermann Observer in History, Hotness Tags: Clara Immerwahr, Katharina Schüttler Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Berlin Convicts Unionize For Minimum Security

May 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Convicts, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Inmates, Minimum Wage, Pension Plans, Prison, Prisoners, Satire, Tegel, Unions Leave a comment

I mean for minimum wage. I kid you not. Here’s another one of those “I don’t make this stuff up, people” stories.

Only in Berlin can prison inmates set up the the world’s first union for prisoners so they can campaign to get a minimum wage and a pension plan for convicts.

Hey guys, you forgot about the early retirement part. Hardy, har, har.

And what are they going to call your pension plan, anyways? Social High Security? Yuckity yuck.

Häftlinge der Justizvollzugsanstalt fordern einen Mindestlohn für Inhaftierte und eine Rentenversicherung

Half Of All Germans Too Fat?

May 29, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Beer, Being Overweight, Diet, Fat, Food, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obesity, Satire, Studies, Vatertag Leave a comment

And here you thought that Americans were too fat. And they are.

Ah… screw it. Let’s go out today (Happy Vatertag, Männer) and refocus our thoughts on something more positive and drink a swimming pool of beer! Yee-haw!

Fast ein Drittel der Weltbevölkerung ist übergewichtig oder fettleibig.

Same procedure as every year, men.

What Do You Mean BEFORE World War II?

May 28, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Books, Exhibits, German, Germans, Germany, Guilt, Responsibility, WWI, WWII Leave a comment

“Given the horror of the Second World War where the guilt of course strongly lies with Germany and we take responsibility for the terror of National Socialism, we haven’t in Germany had the First World War so much in mind.”

One indication of Germans’ interest has been the success of the best-seller “The Sleepwalkers” by Australian Christopher Clark…

Experts and critics put the German success of the nearly 900-page title down to the book’s premise that Germany and the Austro-Hungarian Empire didn’t play any greater role than other countries in starting the war.

“People are delighted,” Historian Gerd Krumeich of Duesseldorf University said, sarcastically. “Among German intellectuals there was the conviction that everything led us to Hitler. Clark liberates us from all that by saying to us ‘you’re not more aggressive than the others’,” he said.

All The Butts. All The Time.

May 27, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Butts, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Journalism, Kate Middleton, Nudity, Satire, Tabloids 4 Comments

Enraged by the German Bild‘s publication of Kate Middleton’s bare butt…

several British newspapers have retaliated by publishing butt shots of just about anybody’s butt you can imagine who’s a girl. Butt really, isn’t it time for us to leave all of this behind behind us?

The revealing snaps were taken when Kate’s blue dress blew up in an unfortunate ‘Marilyn moment’ during her official tour of Australia last month.

No British magazine or newspaper would print the photo so they were sold overseas in a move which will no doubt deeply dismay Prince William and Kate.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”