So Much For That Shootout

I still don’t know who Gary Cooper was here, but Mario Draghi just went from “I will do whatever it takes to preserve the euro” (and buy up Spanish and Italian bonds) to “the ECB may consider” doing so at a later date.

Needless to say, the markets were not amused. Cherchez la femme, I’d say (and it ain’t Grace Kelly).

What’s the hold up? Germany, perhaps. During a press conference afterwards, ECB vice-president Vítor Constâncio noted that only one member of the ECB was adamantly opposed to bond purchases. This seems to be a reference to Germany’s Bundesbank, which had vigorously opposed a central-bank bailout of Spain and Italy. And even though the Bundesbank doesn’t have a direct veto over ECB actions, it seems Germany, as the richest country in the euro zone, still has plenty of sway.

“For all the criticism of Merkel, she distinguishes herself from politicians on both sides of the Atlantic in that she has a plan.”

40 Percent Feel Discriminated Against?

A new study showing that 40 percent of foreigners living in Germany feel discriminated against in everyday life has left numerous German social scientists completely puzzled.

“This was quite a surprise for most of us,” one expert noted, wishing to remain anonymous. “As everybody out there knows, this percentage should really be a whole lot higher. It’s like 60 or 70 percent easy, I’d say. Those dumb foreigners clearly don’t know what the hell is going on, as usual.”

“Meine Erfahrung ist, dass hochqualifizierte Menschen mit ausländischen Wurzeln teilweise befürchten, in normalen Bewerbungsverfahren ausgegrenzt zu werden.”

It’s High Noon

But which one is Gary Cooper?

Big spending Mario Draghi, the European Central Bank boss who is shooting for the outright central-bank purchase of European sovereign debt, or lonely Bundesbank chief Jens Weidmann (and pretty much the rest of conservative Germany) who is gunning to resist such a move as it would “dilute debt-laden governments’ incentive to reform, and lumber the central bank with too many risks and responsibilities, endangering its independence and credibility.”

And more importantly, who is Grace Kelly here and where is she when we need her?

“I will do whatever it takes to preserve the euro.”

“Arming the World for Peace”

Only German military industrial complex peaceniks can pull this kind of stuff off without laughing out loud. Not only do they sell their expensive weapons systems for gutes Geld (serious money), they arm the world for peace in the process.

Drawing lessons from Afghanistan and Libya, German Chancellor Merkel has been making quiet changes to Berlin’s arms exports policy. Instead of intervening in conflicts, she wants to help arm certain countries to provide stability in crisis regions.

“The idea of supporting partners in turbulent regions with weapons so that they can provide for stability is not implausible.” As long as Germans are doing it, I guess.

It’s Better To Have Come In Ninth Than Never To Have Come In At All

The agony of defeat, or something (when people who are supposed to win lose – just ask Michael Phelps).

Wanting to keep a little reserve on the first day of Olympic competition, Germany’s swimmin’ women missed out on a spot in the women’s 4x100m freestyle final with the ninth fastest/slowest time.

Germans just aren’t good at being reserved, I guess.

“Es ist ja nicht so, dass wir mit solch einem Ergebnis gerechnet haben und machen jetzt alle einfach weiter.”

Biomass Movement Is Over (If You Want It)

Remember the days when crops were something people would eat?

Well the German National Academy of Sciences Leopoldina has just found out that that maybe wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

The German mania for “bioenergy” seems to have already had its day in the solar-powered sun. The academy’s report “Bioenergy – Chances and Limits” concludes that bioenergy is just a lot of bio gas (or hot bio air, if you prefer).

It plays “a minor role in the transition to renewable, sustainable energy sources in Germany at the present time and probably in the future,” requiring more surface area, creating higher greenhouse gas emissions and being more harmful to the environment than other renewable sources.

So what are we going to do with all those imported soybeans now? Eat them? Hey, the plan looked good on green paper, though.

“Die Produktion von Biokraftstoffen stellte eine extrem ineffiziente Nutzung der verfügbaren landwirtschaftlichen Fläche dar.”

This Is A German Swearing

Boy, talk about the line being busy.

Two German entrepreneurs have devised a way for passive-aggressive citizens to blow off some steam – dial a telephone number and give the person on the other end a verbal lashing.

The swearing hotline, known as “Schimpf-los” (“swear away”) in German, has operators standing by seven days a week for frustrated individuals to jeer at and taunt using the most unsavory language they can muster.

“That’s the third time I’ve heard that today – is that all you’ve got?”