Bond, Sovereign Bond

So, is it time for the sweet poison or the silver bullet? Germany (or one German) is the last man standing and it’s time to pay up or shut up.

Can Germany (and Germany’s “independent” Bundesbank President Jens Weidmann) jump over its/his shadow and allow the European Central Bank to become the lender of last resort in Europe’s never-ending efforts to prop up the euro?

Pump up the volume already. Half a dozen bailout packages and half a trillion euros later, Greece is closer to leaving the euro zone than ever before and Italy now seems bound for bankruptcy, too. Who’s next? And where’s the money? It looks like Europe’s arsenal is down to one last taboo here: Let the ECB vouch for all of the outstanding debt of the debtor nations, “permanently, to an unlimited extent and in violation of all applicable laws.” Germany, for some strange (and wonderful) reason, is still against doing this.

You know the deal, my fellow Americans. It’s the easy way out: “Print money and drown the debt crisis in a sea of liquidity.” Look what its done for us – so far.

Hey look, I don’t know much about economics (nor do at least half of the world’s economists, for that matter), but I do know that if President Barack Obama, President Nicolas Sarkozy and European Commission President José Manuel Barroso are all urging the Germans to abandon their resistance to the ECB plan, it’s probably best for the rest of us out there if this Weidmann guy sticks to his guns. I wouldn’t bet money on him doing so, though. And I certainly wouldn’t bet using the euro.

He mechanically recited the traditional mantras of the Bundesbank: “independence,” “a culture of stability” and “credibility.”

Speaking Of Government In Action

Or was it government inaction?

Here’s my personal favorite when it comes to the best (as in worst) cases of German tax revenue negligence for 2011 (so far):

The Bundeswehr stores 227 million rifle cartridges having a combined worth of 116 million euros. At least 40 percent of these cartridges have been stored improperly, however, they are now corroded and can no longer be used and will cost the German taxpayer approximately 46 million euros.

Actually, though, if you think about it, it’s surprising that the Bundeswehr doesn’t have to throw away more corroded ammunition than they already do.

Der Schaden beläuft sich auf 1,5 Milliarden Euro.

The Brown Army Faction

Get it?

It’s paranoia time. All you need are three or four slobs with weapons (supposedly so well controlled by the state), lots of truly criminal energy and a huge government network of giant law enforcement and security agencies clearly incapable of even knowing that this group exists or what it has been doing for the past 13 years (more effective government control in action) and you’ve got all that you need to turn these killings into a massive, shadowy consipiracy of neo-Nazi sympathizers active throughout said law enforcement and security agencies bent on helping this group and those like them in overthrowing civilized democratic society as we know it.

And all of this has to take place in Germany too, of course. Oh, and I forgot. You also need a big honkin’ fear industry media machine that makes money by selling pre-packaged products like this.

No, “the government” isn’t conspiring with anybody here. It’s just being inefficient, as usual. And the more the government, the more the inefficiency, as usual. So what’s the answer? Why, more government, of course.

“Ging denn bei niemandem die rote Lampe an?”

Dumbass Computer Gamers

As everybody out there knows… All this computer game nonsense (not to mention the violence) is dumbing down our kids and ravaging our European cultural identity (or at least yours).

“Scientists at the Berliner Berliner Charité medical school have made a surprising discovery: Moderate computer game players have a great deal more brain volume.”

Von wegen, Computerspiele machen dumm – Untersuchungen mit Magnetresonanztomografen ergaben, dass die Hirnstruktur von moderaten Computer-Spielern ausgeprägert ist.

What Do Bushido, Bambi And Heino Have In Common?

I’m not sure, but whatever it is has got to be bizarre.

Bambi is not Bambi here, it’s an award. Heino, however, is Heino. And so is Bushido (as in being Bushido). They are both singers, kind of. Heino is now like way totally beleidigt (offended) because Bushido got a Bambi (the award) and has now sent his (Heino’s) back in protest. Heino thinks that Bushido is not volkstümlich (folksy) enough, I think, and Heino of all people should know what volkstümlich enough is or not. Bushido, being a criminal German Hip-Hop kinda guy with the bad lyrics and all that, was born offended. So now everybody is happy, I think. Hey, this is Schau business or something.

“Ich bin zutiefst empört, dass man einem gewalttätigen Kriminellen wie Bushido den Bambi verleiht. Mit diesem Mann möchte ich nicht auf eine Stufe gestellt werden.”

Staunch Communist Seeking Deluded Socialist For Meaningful Progressive Relationship, Common Starry-Eyed Idealist Undertakings And Hot Passionate Sex

And just when you thought the Left Party freak show couldn’t get any freakier.

Now when former Left Party boss Oskar Lafontaine and Sahra “The Stalinist” Wagenknecht aren’t working on plans to redistribute other people’s wealth and ensure that the means of other people’s production are at the service of the whole of society, they’re – you might want to look away here – gettin’ it on.

Like how revolting can revolution get?

“Es ist alles gesagt.”

Like Get Out Of My Gesicht Already

Are we having another Street View yet? German faces on Facebook? Niemals (never)!

When it comes to Facebook’s biometric facial recognition technology “Tag Suggestions”, or just about any other kind of dad-gern-new-fangled sinister and EVIL US-Amerikanische Internet technology out there for that matter, Germans verstehen kein spaß (just can’t take a joke). And when you mix up a little “out of principle” in the fixins’, this latest tasty data protection Skandal is ready-to-serve.

To opt-in or opt-out, that is the question (German paranoiacs prefer the opt-in opt) and Hamburg’s data protection commissioner is now preparing legal action against Facebook and will soon fine the company over its use of said technology because, well, he can.

“Facebook has repeatedly come under fire in Germany, where privacy is a particularly sensitive issue for historical reasons.” Historical reasons? Nonsense. This is clearly a mental health issue.

“We believe that any legal action is completely unnecessary as the tag suggest feature on Facebook is fully compliant with EU data protection laws.”

Pro-Iranian Business Conference Great Success In Berlin

Although having been in a bit of a slump recently for some inexplicable reason, business opportunities appear to be picking up once again with Iran for mid-sized German firms.

Something called the “Iranian Business Women Power Economic Congress,” specifically designed to violate the sanctions put in place against the Iranian regime (established by Germany, the European Union, the United States and the United Nations), is successfully promoting trade with the Islamic Republic while simultaneously honoring Iranian women’s rights or something, although some of the women attending haven’t dressed according to forced Islamic dress codes (well they’re forced in Iran) “but we will address that later,” one miffed bearded organizer noted.

“And no, we are not allowing Iranian women to be used as a pretext here in Germany to defy the so-called sanctions you speak of,” another organizer added. “How could we? We like women. The humiliation, silencing, repression and stoning of them that takes place back home is grossly exaggerated in the West. And for the record, once again: We’re not developing any nuclear detonators, warheads or weapons of any kind either, just in case you were wondering.”

“Wir sind wie Wasser – wir finden immer einen Weg”

German Solar Energy Firms Still Waiting For Sun

And it’s November now, too. Ever spent a November in Germany?

The once “model company” Roth & Rau is the latest victim of… Was eigentlich (of what)?

“Solar companies have relied on tax credits or other forms of subsidy for their customers to buy and install the product.” These subsidies are now drying up in Germany. Hmm. Might there be a connection here?

“The logic was that as the price of oil goes up it generally benefits the oil companies but also creates more perceived need for solar products. When oil prices went down it generally hurt oil companies but created less urgency for solar products.” Well, that dynamic doesn’t seem to apply anymore.

Maybe this will all change again once the sun comes out. And once most of the solar energy companies out there have gone the way of the dinosaur.

Die Solarbranche steckt in einer schweren Krise: Die Nachfrage ist nach Förderkürzungen in mehreren wichtigen Märkten wie Deutschland und Italien eingebrochen. Gleichzeitig steigt das Angebot, weil vor allem in Asien etliche neue Fabriken eröffnet wurden.

Colonization From Outer Space Denied

Although the Obama administration has taken the time and effort to officially announce that the US government currently has no credible evidence backing up the claim that aliens have secretly colonized our planet, other sources point to a secret economic colonization of Europe now taking place by Germans, like currently already, as we speak so to speak.

These sources say: What we are witnessing is the economic colonisation of Europe by stealth by the Germans.

Once, it would have taken an invading military force to topple the leadership of a European nation. Today, it can be done through sheer economic pressure: it might be that within a few days the Germans — along with their French allies — will have secured regime change in the two most tiresome countries in the eurozone (Greece and Italy).

Perhaps the Germans, as the new masters of Europe, have been lulled into a false sense of security by Ireland’s response to the savage austerity measures imposed upon it in return for its bailout.

But there’s more: “Opinion polls now indicate more than 50% of the American people believe there is an alien-like German presence secretly taking over Europe and more than 80% believe the government is not telling the truth about this phenomenon. The people have a right to know. The people can handle the truth.”

So stay tuned or something.