Ex-Miss Germany Confirms Ex-Mister Germany Shot By Currently Reigning German Cops

August 26, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Eviction, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Miss Germany, Mister Germany, Police, Reichsbürger 2 Comments

An ex-Miss Germany friend of an el wacko former Mister Germany (who denies the existence of the Federal Republic of Germany) has confirmed that he was shot while being evicted from his home (a little place he calls “Primeval Nation”) during a police action in a town that goes by the name of Zeitz.

Adrian Ursache apparently had started a group of so-called “Reichsbürger”, or citizens of the Reich, who do not recognize the current government of the Federal Republic of Germany and therefore do not believe they should pay taxes or fines.

Up until the cops came to evict him Ursache apparently also refused to recognize the existence of German police weapons, too.

“Adrian war ehrlicherweise immer schon ein bisschen durchgeknallt*, aber dass es so eskaliert, macht uns sprachlos.”

* German of the day: Durchgeknallt. That means cuckoo.

Bomb Actually Sex Toy

April 7, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Bombs, Gambling, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Police, Sex Toys, Terror 3 Comments

So like, it doesn’t even qualify as a sex bomb?

German police called to the scene of a suspected bomb could breathe a sigh of relief when the feared explosive device turned out to be a sex toy…

Three explosives experts of the Office of Criminal Investigation in the state of Saxony-Anhalt were called in to defuse the ‘bomb’

However, when the bomb squad examined the bin, they found that the explosive device was in fact a battery-powered vibrating penis ring.

Two men in the squad, Dick und Doof, answered the ring, saying “Hallo? Hallo?” but were unfortunately unable to determine just who had placed the call.

Aus Sorge vor einem Sprengsatz evakuierte die Polizei die Spielothek sowie umliegende Geschäfte, brachte etwa 90 Menschen in Sicherheit und sperrte eine Straße.

We’ve Come A Long Way, Baby

March 17, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Daughters, Families, German, Germans, Germany, Mothers, Parenting, Police, Upbringing, Women Leave a comment

Landshut – A desperate mother called the police in Landshut because her seven-year-old daughter refused to go to bed. It had come to a heated argument between the two, the police reported, during which the girl insulted her mother and threw various objects at her. Once the 28-year-old got to the end of her rope she alerted the police. The officers calmed down the flared tempers. After a “tooth brushing under official supervision,” a policewoman brought the girl to bed.

Landshut – Eine verzweifelte Mutter hat in Landshut die Polizei gerufen, weil ihre siebenjährige Tochter nicht ins Bett gehen wollte. Es kam zu einem heftigen Streit zwischen den beiden, wie die Polizei mitteilte. Dabei beleidigte das Mädchen die Mutter und bewarf sie mit verschiedenen Gegenständen. Als sich die 28-Jährige nicht mehr zu helfen wusste, alarmierte sie am Abend die Polizei. Die Beamten beruhigten die erhitzten Gemüter. Eine Polizistin brachte das Mädchen nach «einer Zahnreinigung unter amtlicher Aufsicht» ins Bett.

Police Brutality Is Real

February 11, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Buses, BVG, Döner Kebab, Fast Food, Food, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Police, Public Transportation 1 Comment

Police in Berlin had to drag a man from a bus on Wednesday evening after he refused to stop eating a Döner which he’d brought on board.

It’s a far cry from the relaxed attitude promoted in BVG advertising.

https://youtu.be/xvcpy4WjZMs

Döner im Bus ist verboten – was ist denn erlaubt?

German Of The Day: Kultureller Austausch

January 7, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Cologne, Crime, Gangs, New Year's Eve, Police, Refugees, Reports, Sexual Assault 2 Comments

That means cultural exchange. You know, like the one that took place in Cologne on New Year’s Eve (not to mention in Hamburg, Stuttgart, Bielefeld, etc.)?

Here are a few examples of the mindset of some of the young men who participated in the festivities that night (in a report filed by the Cologne police):

After being confronted by the cops, one guy said “I’m a Syrian. You have to be friendly to me! Frau Merkel invited me.”

Another guy, after ripping up his residence permit in front of another cop, said “You can’t do anything about it. I’ll just get a new one tomorrow.”

Police trying to help some of the victims were held back by some of these men, others refused to leave the area after the police ordered them to do so, witnesses were threatened if they dared to identify any of them doing the harassment… You know, stuff like that. Nothing for anybody to get all hot and bothered about.

Der Verfasser des Berichts zieht ein düsteres Fazit: Den Maßnahmen der Beamten sei mit einer Respektlosigkeit gegegnet worden, “wie ich sie in 29 Dienstjahren noch nicht erlebt habe.”

German Police Academy II?

October 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Afghanistan, Arms exports, Germans, Germany, Iraq, ISIS, Kurds, Military, Police, Terror, Weapons Leave a comment

Word is out that Germans will “most likely” provide military training to Kurdish groups in northern Iraq.

That’s cool, I guess. But we can only hope that these trainers won’t be as ineffective as those who just spent ten years training Afghan police forces and failed miserably at it.

German officials have been training police in Afghanistan for a decade, but a visit to their training center in Mazar-e-Sharif creates major doubts about the effectiveness of the mission. Afghan police remain poorly prepared to tackle the mighty challenges they will face as Western forces withdraw.

Ineffective and Unsustainable: Failure Threatens Afghan Police Training Mission

Where Have All The Nazis Gone?

February 13, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Action Groups, Bombings, Demonstrations, Dresden, German, Germans, Germany, Nazis, Neo-Nazis, Police Leave a comment

What has become of Germany? You can’t even count on mindless herds of Neo-Nazis anymore.

In Dresden, I mean. For their annual “Bombenholocaust” (bombing of Dresden) get-together. Up to 6500 showed up in recent years but that doesn’t appear to be the case anymore. It might have something to do with the two zillion police out on the streets but I’m just guessing here. OK, OK. And the Bürgerinitiativen (citizen’s action groups), too.

Am Donnerstag ist es wieder mal so weit – aber nach Lage der Dinge wird alles anders sein als in den Jahren zuvor.

Criminal Failed To Register Stolen Revolver Before Killing Girlfriend And Self

January 3, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crime, Criminals, German, Germans, Germany, Gun control, Guns, Law, Legislation, Police, Violence 2 Comments

Gun law-abiding Germans everywhere where shocked to discover today that a criminal in Münster had failed to register the revolver he had stolen before turning the weapon on his girlfriend and himself.

“I’ve seen it all now,” one enraged passerby at the scene of the crime commented. “What good are stringent gun control laws if the criminals out there these days don’t have the decency to abide by them?”

“Don’t these idiots know that if you don’t register your stolen weapon it could be immediately confiscated and you’d probably be hit with a big honking fine?” Another irrate citizen chimed in. “And how the hell are the police going to be able to track down and arrest crooks like this if they don’t even know where to find them? And they haven’t killed themselves first, I mean. Ever think about that? The cops aren’t magicians you know.”

Der Revolver, mit dem der Mann schoss, stammte aus einem Einbruch in einem anderen Bundesland.

10 Years Of College Down The Drain

December 28, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Afghanistan, Berlin, Bundeswehr, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Police, Police Academy, Satire, Training Leave a comment

I mean 10 years of hilarious German-Afghan Police Academy high jinks!

“What we want to achieve with the recruits is a change in mentality,” says a German instructor. “More team spirit, a better sense of community, more loyalty. More soccer, less buzkashi*.”

*Buzkashi is the Afghan national sport and is a game in which horsemen battle over a goat carcass.

This Just In: Germans Drive Too Fast

October 25, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: Autobahn, Cars, Driving, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Police, Radar Control, Satire, Speed Limits, Speed Traps, Speeding, Tickets Leave a comment

During something they’re now calling a Blitz-Marathon (speed trap marathon), some 4000 German police caught some 30,000 German speeders during a large-scale 24-hour, well, speed trap marathon.

338 of these speed freaks were driving so fast that they are now facing a driving ban.

Germans everywhere are nevertheless empört (indignant) about this sneaky police campaign, however, because… Because, uh… Well, because Germans everywhere drive too fast. That’s just what they do.

Der schnellste Raser sei auf der Autobahn bei Düsseldorf mit 176 statt der erlaubten 60 Stundenkilometer erwischt worden.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Police