Methane gas from 90 flatulent cows exploded in a German farm shed on Monday, damaging the roof and injuring one of the animals, police said.
This gives German wind energy a whole new meaning.
Tag Archives: Satire
US Government Officials Want To Kill Me
A whining Edward Snowden has told German television in an exclusive interview.
US citizen just wants him to finally shut up and to PLEASE go away already for crying out loud, says a thoroughly disgusted me.
“These people, and they are government officials, have said they would love to put a bullet in my head or poison me when I come out of the supermarket, and then watch as I die in the shower.”
German Women Lousy Combat Soldiers But Still Hot
A survey conducted among German men soldiers in the Bundeswehr has revealed that 34 percent of them do not believe that German women soldiers are up to life in the field. 52 percent say that women cannot physically carry out the demanding duties required of them. A third of the men asked believe that women in these positions have led to a reduction of something they refer to as “combat strength.”
So maybe that’s why fifty-five percent of women in the Bundeswehr have reported some kind of sexual mistreatment on the job, with 47 percent citing verbal abuse, 25 percent saying they had been confronted with pornographic images and 24 percent telling researchers they had experienced “unwanted sexually motivated physical contact.”
But wait a minute here. That line up there about German combat strength just doesn’t fly. The real question here, if you ask me, is what does the Bundeswehr even need combat soldiers for in the first place? The Bundeswehr doesn’t “do” combat as all the world knows that Germans are pacifists and combat is strictly verboten.
Das Leben im Feld? Dem seien die Frauen nicht gewachsen, sagten 34 Prozent (2005: 28 Prozent). Körperlich anspruchsvolle Aufgaben? Die könnten Frauen nicht ausfüllen, sagen inzwischen 52 Prozent (2005: 44 Prozent). Über ein Drittel der Männer beklagt inzwischen durch Frauen den Verlust der Kampfkraft.
First Hitler-Platz, Now Hitlerberg, Google’s Parallel Universe Really Starting To Piss Germans Off
The mountain of Heiglkopf near the German town of Wackersberg has not been referred to as Hitlerberg for more than 69 years. But an entry of Hitlerberg in Google Maps/Earth today will land you in Wackersberg nevertheless.
The fine people of Wackersberg are mad as hell about this and aren’t going to take it anymore (just like Berlin residents living near Theodore-Heuss-Platz maybe ought to be but could hardly care less). I don’t blame them, either. I think. Would you really want the one nutcase out there actually looking for a place called Hitlerberg to find out where you live?
Seit fast 69 Jahren heißt der Heiglkopf im Landkreis Bad Tölz schon nicht mehr Hitlerberg. Trotzdem reicht heute immer noch der Eintrag Hitlerberg in die Suchmaske bei Google-Maps und -Earth – und der Betrachter landet in Wackersberg.
Germany May Double Number Of Soldiers In Africa To 14
OMG! Is Germany now headed for WAR ITSELF?!? Where is Guido Westerwelle when you need him? “The deployment of German combat troops is not an option. And I have to mention just one more point. We Germans are highly involved in Afghanistan, where the French are hardly involved at all.”
According to a report in the “Süddeutsche Zeitung” on Saturday the German government is planning to help reinforce the ongoing military operation in Mali through a larger and more robust French-German contingent. The newspaper also reported that government would support a possible EU military operation in the Central Africa Republic (CAR) with transport aircraft and aerial refueling.
“Europe cannot leave France on its own down there.”
PS: In a related story (not), Barack Obama Tells Germans In TV Interview That It’s OK For Them To Stop Worrying About US Spying Now So Everything Is OK Again.
Just Get Me To The Church On Time
Yeah, me too. I’ve always felt that wedding veils add a certain mystique to a bride’s look.
Berlin Fashion Week. It’s not just for fashion designers anymore.
I Think It Should Have Been Superpenner
Sozialtourismus has just been selected by the Brain Police as Germany’s Unwort des Jahres (non-word of the year). It means “social tourism” and is terribly cynical and politically incorrect as it refers to “unwanted immigrants from eastern Europe” who come to Germany to presumably milk all the wonderful social benefits here, something of course social tourists from eastern Europe or elsewhere would never, ever do.
Non-word of the year? The year has just begun, hasn’t it? And there are way more cool non-words out there that are much more deserving, if you ask me (I know you didn’t, but I’m telling you anyway). How about Superpenner (Super Bum), for instance? Bum is totally politically incorrect, too (that is what they used to call the homeless) and super is, well, super. So there.
Anyway, in case you didn’t know, Superpenner is a new comic action hero who has now arrived to save Berlin. And it’s about freakin’ time, too. To save it from all of those Straßenfeger (street sweeper) newspaper salesmen who accost us with their sales pitches in the U-Bahn all day long. I can hear it already: “Now with the Supperpenner comic book!”
Berlins Straßen haben einen neuen Helden: Den Superpenner – wenn auch nur auf dem Papier. Der Comic-Actionhero soll den Absatz der Berliner Obdachlosenzeitung Straßenfeger steigern.
No Spy Deal Now No No Spy Deal
As Washington said it would announce reforms to its National Security Agency (NSA) later in the week, German media were already focused on a likely disappointing outcome for Berlin in talks on a “no spy” arrangement.
Oh, I dunno. Other than Washington not promising to stop listening in on politicians’ calls or say when they are listening in on Chancellor Angela Merkel’s mobile phone (or whoever else) or not allowing the Germans access to an alleged listening post on top of US embassy in Berlin, I’d say those “no spy” arrangement talks are moving along pretty well.
Doch der Fehler liegt woanders: in einer naiven Erwartungshaltung. Dass die Drahtzieher des 11. September aus Hamburg kamen, ist den Amerikanern immer noch präsent. Dass es zahlreiche Deutsche gibt, die sich nach Syrien aufgemacht haben, um dort an der Seite von Islamisten zu kämpfen, ebenfalls.
German Soldiers Just Can’t Take It Anymore
That’s why 6000 of them (half the German army?) have now put in for early retirement.
No war is hell, too.
Flexibles System der Kinderbetreuung, mehr Tagesmütter für Randzeiten, Teilzeitmöglichkeiten mit einer Drei-oder Viertagewoche in der Familienphase, ein Lebensarbeitszeitkonto für Überstunden. Auch will sie sich das System der nahezu automatischen Versetzungen alle zwei bis drei Jahre „genau ansehen“ und Schluss mit dauernden Ortswechseln machen.
PS: And thank goodness this just came in. Here are the top 10 places for Frührentner (early-retirees) and other retiree types to, well, retire around at (International Living Annual Global Retirement Index 2014).
One Million Dollars!
Unlike in Germany, where at least fifty percent of all German politicians stem from working-class families, where none are susceptible to bribery or lobbying influence and most can just barely make ends meet on the meager remuneration they receive (or so I must assume, to judge by the outrage here), word is out that more than half of Amerika’s lawmakers are now “worth at least $1 million” (although I personally have always held them all to be priceless).
This is a scandal or something. This has never ever been the case before because American politicians, gosh darn it, up until now anyways, never ever used to enter politics just to obtain money and/or power. In the past, I mean. Something bad has now apparently happened. Or something. That is why we must look to Germany for the answer, as usual.
Everything here in Germany works better, you see. This is because Germany is a so-called “classless” society. But with class. Just go and ask the folks here who run the country. They’ll tell you.
In Deutschland ist die “Millionärswahl” eine TV-Show, in den USA Realität.
Observing Hermann 