€9.50 ($12.30) for an Oktoberfest beer? And that in September?
Damn that must be good brew.
Before long, even the most hard-bitten cynics can’t help but climb up on a bench (dancing on tables is frowned upon) and belt out the lyrics of newly learned folk song.
It’s called “Digitale Demenz” (Digital Dementia) or something.
“Avoid digital media,” one smart German is warning his countrymen. “As shown here many times over, they truly do make us fat, dumb, aggressive, lonely, sick and unhappy.”
Nice try, buddy. But what you’ve failed to consider here (being a German yourelf), is that Germans don’t need any help from anybody or anything at any time when it comes to being aggressive, lonely, sick and unhappy. They’re naturals at it. As for the Internet making them fat and dumb, well, OK. If you say so.
The strange thing though is that everywhere else on Planet Earth it appears as if the Internet is actually making us smarter. Whatever. I guess maybe that’s how it is with Deutsche Sonderwege (German separate paths), it’s the exception that always proves the rule.
Such findings refute the claims of those who warn that humanity is getting dumber. We’re “amusing ourselves to death,” American media theorist and critic Neil Postman argued in a 1985 book of the same name. Postman blamed television for a decline in cognitive skills. Since then, however, the average IQ in the US has risen by nearly 10 points.
Germany has decided to take precautionary measures and will now be closing its embassies in Muslim countries after word got out that Bettina Wulff is currently planning to produce a Muhammad film.
“We have intensified security precautions everywhere in the region, and in some cases increased security personnel too.”
The new German national stereotypes are in! From the furious citizen to power Ossis, they’re everywhere these days. My personal favorite here is the Bio-Bourgeois (Organic Bourgeois).
“The German Organic Bourgeois still recycle their garbage, but donate about half the amount to charitable organizations that their British counterparts do. The Organic Bourgeois select their own green power providers, carry handmade linen shopping bags and drink their own favorite organic limonade brands, but that’s about it.”
Bio-Bourgeois recyclen ihren Müll, geben jedoch nur halb so viel Spenden für Wohlfahrtsverbände aus wie ihre britischen Pendants. Der Bio-Bourgeois sucht sich einen Ökostromanbieter, trägt eine handgemachte Leinentasche oder trinkt eine Bio-Marken-Limonade, aber mehr auch nicht.
Or wasn’t that the impression you always got? It’s certainly the one you’re supposed to get.
Take wealth distribution, for instance: The gap between the rich and poor continues to grow in Germany. A report commissioned by the German government on poverty and wealth indicates that private net assets have risen sharply and are up to €1.4 trillion ($1.83 trillion), with the upper 10 percent of German households possesing more than half of the country’s wealth.
Crisis? What crisis? Boy I tell you, it’s a damned good thing that Germans are always there ready to pass on their valuable wealth distribution advice to us (as U.S.). I mean, it’s not like they’re ever going to need it or anything.
So asozial ist Deutschland.
If they are being offered for the sake of Germany’s beloved Energiewende (energy turnaround), I mean (and if you’re not one of the 20,000, of course)?
There is a certain logic here. I think. First you phase out German nuclear power plants because of the Fukushima disaster in Japan (I still haven’t figured out this part yet), then you phase out thousands of Japanese jobs due to the loses incurred by the energy companies due to this hasty (as in immediate) phase-out.
Oops, sorry. I just took a closer look at the article. Those are German jobs that are about to be phased-out, of course. Duh. Look folks, I’m not a German energy turnaround expert here you know. Forgive me for the confusion. Technically, it’s not even mine. I’m just trying to pass it on as best I can.
Branche verliert durch Atomausstieg Geld – Eine Reihe von Studien hatte in früheren Jahren bereist festgestellt, dass der Netto-Effekt der Ökostrom-Subventionen auf dem Arbeitsmarkt bestenfalls Null ist.
One thing that all Germans have in common is their absolute disgust for all things kleinbürgerlich (petty bourgeois). You know; being small-minded, scrupulously orderly, old fashioned, reactionary, banal, provencial, dilettante and, well, “square?”
Another thing that all Germans have in common is that they are small-minded, scrupulously orderly, old fashioned, reactionary, banal, provencial, dilettante and, well, “square.” You know, kleinbürgerlich?
Take this latest tourist-bashing craze going on by the Enlightened Left in Berlin (the way coolest, least kleinbürglich city in Germany), please:
“Noisy tourists go home!” reads one hostile sign in the eastern district of Friedrichshain. “Berlin doesn’t love you,” say stickers plastering traffic lights in nearby Kreuzberg.
A gallery in an area known for its trendy bars featured for months a scrawled sign in the window: “Sorry, no entry for hipsters from the U.S.”
Being petty bourgeois here isn’t pretty, folks. It never has been. But it sure is petty. And somebody’s got to do it. I just wish they’re weren’t so many volounteers here all the time.
And German men want to keep it that way. You know, so they can help them and stuff? Again and again and again?
The latest Bitkom survey has found out that only half of all German women have halfway sort of somewhat decent computer skill knowledge. And the other half are real turkeys (especially the younger ones). So let’s keep it that way.
Selbst beim Anschließen von Druckern und beim Versenden von Emails scheitern sie.
At least according to this year’s Glücksatlas (Happiness Atlas) they are. Oh boy and good for them or something.
But why they don’t just come out and call the damned thing the Misery Atlas, I’ll never know.
Am zufriedensten sind die Deutschen in den Regionen Hamburg (7,23 Punkte), Niedersachsen/Nordsee (7,16), Süd-Bayern (7,11) und Franken (7,10). Auf den letzten Plätzen rangieren Brandenburg (6,63), Mecklenburg-Vorpommern (6,58) und Sachsen-Anhalt (6,56).
In a move meant to liven up the world’s oldest and perhaps stodgiest air and space trade fair, organizers of Germany’s ILA have decided to hold this year’s show on the grounds of Berlin’s infamous haunted Berlin-Brandenburg Ghost Airport.
Local legend has it that the abandoned ghost airport, originally planned to actually be completed one day and used as a real airport with real airplanes and passangers and the whole bit, fell under the curse of a group of disgruntled Brandenburg witches protesting potential Fluglärm (fly-over noise) and can never be completed until Berlin’s city government presents its first balanced budget or hell freezes over, whichever comes first.
A spotless new runway, so far unused for commercial flights, will finally feel the burn of rubber.
Observing Hermann 