Here’s Another One Of Those “You Must Have Confused Me With Somebody Who Gives A S#?$&”T!”

February 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Airports, André Schmitz, Berlin, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Mismanagement, Politicians, Satire, SPD, Tax evasion Leave a comment

So. Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit knew for quite some time now that his SPD Culture Minister buddy André Schmitz had some funny money hiding in Switzerland (everybody‘s doing it these days) and just pretended that this problem would eventually go away all by itself. Well it didn’t, of course, and Schmitz has now had to resign and the mayor is in deep Scheiße about this right now or something, right?

Well any other politician would be but you clearly don’t understand with whom we’re dealing with here (unless you do understand). This is Klaus Wowereit HIMSELF (some call him Wowi – with that “v” sound, of course). This is the same guy who “did” the Berlin Airport that still hasn’t been done yet and will end up costing eighty-five quadrillion bazillion euros before it ever does get done, if at all.

Do you think there have been any consequences for that? Hardly. If anything, Wowereit got rewarded for his Engagement (commitment) by being put right back on as the “new” chairman of the board of the Berlin Brandenburg Airport Company after the “old” one had proven just how clueless he had been and had been forced to leave (that had been Klaus Wowereit too, of course).

Why is this guy always free from sin? Beats the hell out of me. There’s teflon, dann kommt eine ganze Weile gar nichts (then you can go on for a long, long while – way past normal teflon), and then there’s Klaus Wowereit teflon. He’s on his ski vacation right now and simply couldn’t be bothered by any of this. And he’s laughing his ass off all the way down the slopes I bet. Damn. Nice job if you can get it.

Kann ein Kinderschänder ein guter Bildungsminister sein?

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

February 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Early Retirement, Employment, Free Lunch, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Retirement, Satire, Scams, SPD 2 Comments

Ein Frührentner (an early retiree). Please laugh, but please also be assured that I personally know a German teenager who actually answered this question this way and was NOT joking.

And this really shouldn’t come as a surprise in a country where, according to the latest poll, 53 percent of the employed don’t plan to work past the age of 63 and barely one third of them expect to work until the “official” reitrement age of 65. Or is it 67 now? Wait, or is it 63 doch (after all)?

At any rate, whatever the official German retirement age may be, rest assured that it will not be the age at which the majority of Germans will be retiring.

Ein knappes Drittel will dagegen bis zum regulären Renteneintrittsalter weiterarbeiten.

SPD Not Sozial Enough

January 31, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Coalition Governments, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Political Parties, Satire, Socialism, SPD, The Left Party Leave a comment

Boy, that didn’t take long. Did you read that part about “social” yesterday?

Hardly in the new coalition government with the CDU/CSU, leading SPD politicians are now already preparing the way for their move to form a new “100% social” one with the Left Party.

These things take time, though. And it’s all about psychology. And timing. OK, the SPD has never been all that good with the timing part but they’re numero uno when it comes to subtle psychological manipulation. OK, not so subtle psychological manipulation. And publishing a paper calling for a “progressive left-leaning reform alliance with an aim to take over in 2017” with the Left Party is just the right ticket. For the start, I mean. Did I mention the timing part?

Für ein “progressiv-linkes Reformbündnis mit einer Machtperspektive 2017” müsse man “die bestehenden inhaltlichen und strategischen Differenzen zwischen allen Parteien links der Union” beseitigen.

GroKo Is Just What It Sounds Like

December 15, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Grand Coalition, Language, Neologisms, Social Democracy, SPD, Words 2 Comments

Whoopee or something. Germany’s grand coalition is finally here – a government the Germans didn’t vote for.

GERMANY’S language boffins were first: they coined “GroKo” (short for grand coalition) the German language’s word of the year 2013 (an accolade that is not automatically flattering). To some Germans, this neologism might evoke a “great crocodile” or something otherwise sinister.

What does this really mean? It means that the tail (SPD) has succeeded in wagging the dog (CDU/CSU) and will now force enough of its social democratic agenda (“social” = free lunch) upon the German ship of way-too-big-state to veer it off the proper course, once again. It had been heading, however timidly, toward more private initiative = responsibility and away from your typical German been-there-done-that world of ever more government waste, meddling and control. The CDU/CSU has now become thoroughly social democratized, in other words.

Just like with the “energy turnaround,” everybody will wake up again once they figure out that this is actually going to cost them personally way too much money. Hey, life is a zigzag course. They’ll get back on track again eventually.

PS: Something actually happened on German TV last night that was apparently worth watching.

German Word Of The Day: Zwangsumlage

December 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Electricity, Energiewende, Energy, Energy Turnaround, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Government Planning, Green energy, Humor, Language, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Satire, Smart Meters, Socialists, SPD, Taxation, The Green Shirts, The Wayback Machine Leave a comment

Zwangs- = compulsory. Umlage = levy, share in the costs. Put those two together and what do you get? Forced to share. But we’re talking about money here folks so let’s just call it another tax and get it over with already.

This latest planned tax consists of forcing German households to purchase so-called “smart meters” or modern electricity meters that are supposed to regulate energy consumption by drawing electricity from that so wonderfully green German energy grid whenever this energy is cheaper. You know, like when hell freezes over?

This will only set back German consumers another 70 or 80 euros after already having been hit with a seven percent energy bill increase planned for next year, too (the seven can and will change, of course, and we all now in which direction it will be going).

Turn it around as much as you want. Anyway you turn this German energy turnaround around, you’ll always get the same result. Once you’ve turned it around, I mean. She is like way too expensive, señor.

But what can you expect from a government that is about to go retro and way back in the Wayback Machine to the good old days of SPD Never-Never Land again?

“Verbraucher sollten mit attraktiven Angeboten überzeugt, statt mit immer mehr ordnungsrechtlichen Einbaupflichten gezwungen werden.”

PS: The next German word of the day will be Abzocke. Here’s a tip: It means rip-off.

Germany Soon To Get The Government It Voted For

November 26, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: CDU/CSU, Elections, Gabriel, Humor, Merkel, Parliamentary Systems, Proportional Representation, Satire, SPD Leave a comment

Not. In other countries you usually get the government you vote for. But not here in Germany. At least not this time.

Close only counts in horseshoes and dancing (and hand grenades). And Angela Merkel getting close to having an absolute majority in the German election two months ago just wasn’t close enough. So let’s hear it for proportional representation! The FDP is gone. The Greens are still licking their wounds. What’s left? The SPD and the Left party are left, that’s who’s left.

So now the losers are dictating the agenda. In more ways than one.

No, it’s not good news. And it gets worse. As part of his pivot to the left, Gabriel has promised that the Social Democrats will be open to coalitions with the Left party, the heirs of the East German Communists. Since the SPD, the Left and the Greens already hold a majority in parliament, the temptation for Gabriel to break with Merkel in, say, two years to form a “red-red-green” coalition with himself as chancellor could become irresistible.

Uppity In Your Face

November 24, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, CDU/CSU, Coalition Governments, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Political Parties, Politics, SPD, Voting Leave a comment

My, how time flies. It’s been two months now. Talk about the tail wagging the dog.

Time for new elections, I’d say.

The SPD got 25.7% of votes compared with Mrs Merkel’s 41.5%. Mrs Merkel’s supporters are growing frustrated…

The bizarre situation has arisen because Mrs Merkel, her strong showing notwithstanding, fell just short of a majority of seats…

Mr Gabriel made another concession to the SPD’s left wing: a formal resolution on November 14th to be open in future to coalition talks with Die Linke. The two “red” parties used to detest each other, Die Linke considering the SPD sell-outs to capitalism and the SPD viewing Die Linke as a chaotic troupe of Marxists nostalgic for East Germany and dangerously hostile to NATO and America. Now, however, there is speculation that the SPD could break a coalition with Mrs Merkel in mid-term and go on to form an all-left government, unprecedented at the national level, dubbed “R2G” for red-red-green.

Just get it over with already, already, and call for a new election. They’ll never stop wasting your time otherwise.

The most important country in the European Union is thus being run by a caretaker cabinet, unable to take important decisions.

SPD In Coalition Government = Gender Quota Legislation

November 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, CDU/CSU, Coalition Governments, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Political Parties, Quotas, Satire, SPD, Women 1 Comment

Thank goodness this gender quota nonsense is finally about to be settled so a new coalition government can be formed in Germany.

Word has it that the CDU has agreed to let the SPD in if the proposed legislation stipulates only that each gender will be represented by at least one gender each.

German companies listed on the stock exchange will need at least 30% of supervisory board members to be female from 2016, according to proposed legislation.

With A Little Help From My Friends

October 13, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Bribery, Cold War, Communism, Espionage, GDR, German, Germans, Germany, Political Parties, Socialism, SPD, Stasi, Willy Brandt Leave a comment

To keep Willy Brandt as Chancellor, the GDR was prepared to bribe members of German Parliament. Brandt’s intimate friend Egon Bahr (both SPD) negotiated with a GDR mediator in 1972 about payoffs for CDU and CSU parliamentarians. This has emerged in Stasi documents available to Der Spiegel. Brandt should thereby be kept in office. Bahr was State Secretary of the Chancellery at that time.

And this is completely unrelated, of course, but for you history buffs out there: There was a very controversial Misstrauensvotum (vote of no confidence) in German Parliament back in 1972 which Willy Brandt won – with two decisive votes mysteriously missing for the conservative opposition that had proposed it.

“Das muss absolut verschwiegen bleiben.”

Creepy Northhampton Clown Identified

September 19, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaigns, Clowns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Northhampton Clown, Peer Steinbrück, Satire, SPD Leave a comment

In Berlin of all places.

The Northampton Clown, who spooked residents with a series of freaky night time appearances, has said that he never wanted to scare anyone with his antics.

The figure, who made global headlines when he was spotted in full clown attire on Friday 13, has said that he “just wanted to amuse people.”

“Wie bei einem Horrorfilm.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: SPD