DiscrimiNation

Get it? Nation?

Discrimination

And you thought you had it bad where you live (and of course you do) but here in Germany one out of every three Germans gets discriminated against regularly.

That’s right. Germans just don’t like Germans and they refuse to treat them fairly. They treat them like second-class citizens, which, in a way, well, they are. But so are the other two-thirds so why just pick them out to be treated like Dreck (dirt) like that? It just ain’t fair.

And the latest numbers (see the graph in the article) show that Germans get treated like Dreck whether it is at work or at play or while shopping or over at the courthouse or in the hospital or at school or in the media or even on the Internet. Like right here, for example. They just don’t get no respect.

But don’t worry because these Germans have had it up to here and are now going to start taking each and every one of each other to court about this, without discrimination. I mean indiscriminately.

“Es muss endlich möglich sein, Betroffene vor Gericht effektiv zu unterstützen – wie es in vielen anderen europäischen Ländern längst möglich ist.”

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

German prosecutors have said a 15-year-old girl who stabbed a police officer was conducting a “martyrdom operation” for the militant “Islamic State” (IS) group. The teen had previously met with IS members in Turkey.

Terror

I’m sure she’ll be punished harshly for her actions. By German standards, I mean.

Meanwhile, when it comes to more serious crimes like free speech… I mean serious things like thought crimes…

German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced Friday that her government will grant a Turkish request for the prosecution of Jan Boehmermann after he recited a crude poem about Turkey’s president, despite “diverging opinions” within the German ruling coalition.  

“We are Germans, renowned for our world-famous sense of humor.”

German Of The Day: Fiasko

That means fiasco. You know, like the state-ordained Energiewende?

Wind

Berlin likes to think of itself as a green-energy example to the rest of the world. It sure is.

It makes you wonder if there’s any form of energy-price signal that governments won’t ignore. Germany’s 16-year-old Energiewende, or energy transformation, already has wrecked the country’s energy market in its quest to wean the economy off fossil fuels and nuclear power. Traditional power plants, including those that burn cleaner gas, have been closing left and right while soaring electricity prices push industries overseas and bankrupt households. Job losses run to the tens of thousands.

But now Berlin is going to fix all of this – again.

Derzeit gehe der Ausbau zu schnell und werde zu erheblichen Mehrkosten bei der Umlage zur Ökostrom-Förderung führen.

Speaking Of State Control…

There may not be any punishment here for producing awful television shows but if YOU get sassy and don’t pay your GEZ TV tax (or “mandatory fee,” as the tax collectors prefer to call it) you can go to jail.

GEZ

I’m not making this up. All German households must shell out 17.50 euros ($20) a month to watch great entertainment like Traumshiff, Lindenstrasse and Tatort, Tatort, Tatort as well as be submitted to propagandistic-indoctrination-like nightly news programs à la the Tagesschau by those good old fashioned unelected and nameless state TV official folks over there at the ARD and the ZDF (exhale now). Or else.

A woman was freed from prison after a court in Chemnitz had admitted that they had kept her in custody for 61 days because of her refusal to pay the GEZ fees.

Regional state broadcaster MDR applied for an arrest warrant against Sieglinde Baumert in September 2015 in an attempt to force her to sign a statement about her assets, which she refused because, as she told “Die Welt” newspaper, “With my signature I would confirm the legality of the mandatory fees.”

“I feel patronized, I get the decision taken away from me about what I’m paying my money for.”

Censorship Is For Everyone

Just like Liebe.

Rammstein

Hey, you know the deal here in Germany: Anything that is not expressly allowed is strictly forbidden. Or at least very, very, very suspicious. You know, like free speech?

Rammstein has filed a lawsuit against Germany for having temporarily indexed the album “Liebe ist für alle da,” said a spokesperson of the Bonn Regional Court on Monday (04.04.2016). The rock band is seeking 66,000 euros (nearly $75,000) in damages.

In 2009, the Federal Department for Media Harmful to Young Persons, a German governmental agency responsible for listing works that could potentially harm youths, had decided that one of the songs of the album, “Ich tu dir weh,” as well as the pictures in the booklet accompanying the CD, were “brutalizing” and “immoral.” The entire album was indexed.

Once a work gets listed by the organization, it may not be advertised and can only be sold under strict conditions – limiting its potential success.

Ist alles, was nicht ausdrücklich verboten ist, erlaubt?

The Best Of Both Worlds

It’s a win-win situation for Germany again.

Austria

Austria solves the Germans’ refugee problem but they can still bitch and moan about how awful Austria is for having put up the mean and nasty border fence that did the solving. Once you’ve climbed the moral high ground you never come down, I guess.

Austria, Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia and Macedonia have all brought in no-nonsense measures over the last few months which have sealed up the Balkans route and dissuaded tens of thousands of migrants from making the journey north from Greece.

Astonishingly, beleaguered Mrs Merkel has persistently railed against the reintroduction of border controls, even though they may end up saving her career as Germany’s leader.

Die Alleingänge müssen enden.

I Didn’t Believe This For One Second

It took me about half the article before I finally figured out what was going on.

April

But I’m a real sucker for this kind of stuff: Formula 1 racing is coming to Berlin in 2017?

Anyone who knows anything about Germans knows they love cars. So it wasn’t immediately obvious that the Berliner Zeitung’s joke about plans for a new Formula One race on the streets of the capital wasn’t true – all the more so since Berlin already hosts a Formula E (electric) race each year.

A mocked-up image showed German Red Bull driver Sebastian Vettel doing donuts on the Pariser Platz, site of the Brandenburg Gate. The supposed 5.85-kilometre course through Berlin is similar to the lengths of the actual races in Monaco and Melbourne. And they even considered the impact on residents: the F1 cars were allegedly to be equipped with silencers designed to limit the noise for complaint-prone Berliners.

April, April (April Fools’ Day) or something.

Zu Promozwecken war Sebastian Vettel schon mal mit seinem Boliden in Berlin. Im kommenden Jahr darf er hier auch ein Rennen fahren.

PS: I think anybody who thinks up pranks like these ought to be sent to German prison. As a reward, I mean.

Spontaneous German Response To Brussels Attacks Hits ISIS Terrorists Where It Hurts Them Most

In their hurts-to-laugh muscle or the so-called “intercostals” located right here, between the ribs, that’s where.

Love

Pictures of smiling people raising a glass to the camera bloomed across social media in Germany on Tuesday, in a spontaneous response to the Brussels attacks…

The “here’s to love” hashtag was launched by a social media editor at Spiegel Online, who posted a picture of herself on Facebook holding a glass with the caption “Here’s to love, listening to one another, respecting oneself and others, being honest, shouting, screaming, talking about everything and drinking, to kissing and confetti, to life and freedom.”

Netz-Reaktionen auf Brüssel: „Gestern und heute wollte es #AufDieLiebe trinken.“

Don’t forget, jihadis: Because the rib cage contracts rapidly during laughing (as with coughing and sneezing), sharp pain can result if there are trigger points in your intercostals. Luckily, relieving these trigger points is often straight forward and fairly simple. Read here to find out more!

Kenya, Jamaica, It’s All Rhineland-Palatinate To Me

Or, if you prefer, German of the day: Koalition.

Palette

That means coalition, as in coalition government. And a working one is going to be hard to conjure up after the mixed results of Sunday’s state government elections in Germany (no one is willing to work together with the AfD).

SEVERAL German states, and perhaps the whole country one day, may have a political future as Kenya or Jamaica. Or as a traffic light. Germany could also become Germany, and other things besides. Unfortunately such talk—which is all the rage among German wonks since three regional elections on March 13th—makes little sense to people outside of Germany. That is because it refers to the colours of political parties and the coalitions they could form to produce governing majorities. Thus a “Kenyan” government would be some combination of black, red and green, as on Kenya’s flag. Jamaica would mean black, yellow and green. A traffic light would be red, yellow and green. Germany would be black, red and yellow. Motley as these descriptions may be, they point to a bigger change in Germany’s political landscape since March 13th. What is going on?

Der FDP-Bundesvorsitzende Christian Lindner steht einer von der SPD geführten rot-grün-gelben Koalition mit FDP und Grünen in Rheinland-Pfalz wohlwollend gegenüber.

Oman

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Oman

Because somebody has to admire them.

In January, Economy Minister Gabriel (SPD) said Germany may look harder at its arms exports to Saudi Arabia after the Gulf kingdom carried out its biggest mass execution for decades. In addition, Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD) has repeatedly said that Berlin wants to deescalate tensions in the Middle East.