Just In Case You Didn’t Know Who To Vote For

Der Spiegel http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,800850,00.html (sorry, having trouble with the posting today) has put together a highly nuanced and in depth political analysis about US Republican presidential candidates. It is called “A Club of Liars, Demagogues and Ignoramuses.”

 Here are just a few of the more insightful insights:

The current crop of candidates have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein (so like they don’t like Einstein, or what?).

They lie. They cheat. They exaggerate. They bluster. They say one idiotic, ignorant, outrageous thing after another (good thing we have the Democrats as an alternative).

The US elections are a reality show after all, a pseudo-political counterpart to the Paris Hiltons, Kim Kardashians and all the “American Idol” and “X Factor” contestants littering today’s TV (I don’t get this but it sounds like it must be astute or something).

The Grand Old Party is ruining the entire country’s reputation (uh, what reputation are we talking about here anyway?).

…Which goes to show that this “movement” (the Tea Party), sponsored by Fox News, has never been interested in the actual business of governing or in the intelligence and intellect that it requires. They are only interested in marketing themselves, for ratings and dollars (if given the choice I’d take the ratings at the moment).

Americans have a short memory (this one sure does, I’ve forgotten your article already).

Is It Really Over?

Finished? Endlich vorbei? Finito and all that? For real?

 Das Votum der Bürger in Baden-Württemberg ist eindeutig: Stuttgart 21 soll gebaut werden. Das führt zu Erleichterung einerseits, Ärger andererseits. Und Politikern, die sich die Sache schönreden.

I don´t have to hear about Stuttgart 21 demonstrators anymore? I don´t have to wonder anymore about why I´ve never understood how people can go ballistic about rebuilding a city´s freakin´train station underground as if it were some unspeakably important social issue? Honest? You´re not shitting me here? The war is finally over and Johnny can come marching home?

Well then let us all stand and sing together!

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the Lord;
he is trampling out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are stored;
he hath loosed the fateful lightning
of his terrible swift sword;
his truth is marching on.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

British Selfish, Germans Bossy

British Prime Minister David Cameron just can’t wait to visit German Chancellor Angela Merkel in Berlin today. Honest.

They really like each other. Really. Despite the clashing views on the euro and the suspicion and the reproaches and the German bashing and the Schadenfreude and those behind the scenes upbraids and the secret plans and those numerous ugly encounters on the football field (some call it soccer) we have all had to watch because we just can’t look away.

Geez. Why can’t everybody be more down-to-earth and even-keeled and well-liked like us Americans?

“We are sick of you criticizing us.”

Our Wind Farms Would Work Just Great

It’s just that we don’t have the cables to bring the energy to shore (nor the money to lay them).

The network operator building those giant offshore wind farms planned to be a “supporting column” in Germany’s coming-one-day-but-not-in-any-way-near-there-yet energy turnaround, is no longer able to continue “work as usual.”

Like the Dutch government before them, having learned that offshore wind power is too expensive and that it cannot afford to subsidize the entire cost, the good folks at TenneT TSO GmbH are now about to throw in the towel, seemingly unable to find financing in the private sector that would allow them to continue their over cost and behind schedule project (it’s probably them damned durn banks doing this again, or that 1%).

The connection from Water World (Wind World?) back to Planet Earth has turned out to be more complicated and expensive than politically correct planners had originally thought, in other words, provided they had even thought about it at all.

But don’t worry, Green Shirt ideologues have already assured us that “If Tennent can’t swing the offshore development, somebody else can.” Money seems to be no object here, you see. When it’s not yours, I mean.

“Wenn Tennet den Offshore-Ausbau nicht schultern kann, müssen andere ran.”

Speaking Of Government In Action

Or was it government inaction?

Here’s my personal favorite when it comes to the best (as in worst) cases of German tax revenue negligence for 2011 (so far):

The Bundeswehr stores 227 million rifle cartridges having a combined worth of 116 million euros. At least 40 percent of these cartridges have been stored improperly, however, they are now corroded and can no longer be used and will cost the German taxpayer approximately 46 million euros.

Actually, though, if you think about it, it’s surprising that the Bundeswehr doesn’t have to throw away more corroded ammunition than they already do.

Der Schaden beläuft sich auf 1,5 Milliarden Euro.

Dumbass Computer Gamers

As everybody out there knows… All this computer game nonsense (not to mention the violence) is dumbing down our kids and ravaging our European cultural identity (or at least yours).

“Scientists at the Berliner Berliner Charité medical school have made a surprising discovery: Moderate computer game players have a great deal more brain volume.”

Von wegen, Computerspiele machen dumm – Untersuchungen mit Magnetresonanztomografen ergaben, dass die Hirnstruktur von moderaten Computer-Spielern ausgeprägert ist.

Like Get Out Of My Gesicht Already

Are we having another Street View yet? German faces on Facebook? Niemals (never)!

When it comes to Facebook’s biometric facial recognition technology “Tag Suggestions”, or just about any other kind of dad-gern-new-fangled sinister and EVIL US-Amerikanische Internet technology out there for that matter, Germans verstehen kein spaß (just can’t take a joke). And when you mix up a little “out of principle” in the fixins’, this latest tasty data protection Skandal is ready-to-serve.

To opt-in or opt-out, that is the question (German paranoiacs prefer the opt-in opt) and Hamburg’s data protection commissioner is now preparing legal action against Facebook and will soon fine the company over its use of said technology because, well, he can.

“Facebook has repeatedly come under fire in Germany, where privacy is a particularly sensitive issue for historical reasons.” Historical reasons? Nonsense. This is clearly a mental health issue.

“We believe that any legal action is completely unnecessary as the tag suggest feature on Facebook is fully compliant with EU data protection laws.”

Pro-Iranian Business Conference Great Success In Berlin

Although having been in a bit of a slump recently for some inexplicable reason, business opportunities appear to be picking up once again with Iran for mid-sized German firms.

Something called the “Iranian Business Women Power Economic Congress,” specifically designed to violate the sanctions put in place against the Iranian regime (established by Germany, the European Union, the United States and the United Nations), is successfully promoting trade with the Islamic Republic while simultaneously honoring Iranian women’s rights or something, although some of the women attending haven’t dressed according to forced Islamic dress codes (well they’re forced in Iran) “but we will address that later,” one miffed bearded organizer noted.

“And no, we are not allowing Iranian women to be used as a pretext here in Germany to defy the so-called sanctions you speak of,” another organizer added. “How could we? We like women. The humiliation, silencing, repression and stoning of them that takes place back home is grossly exaggerated in the West. And for the record, once again: We’re not developing any nuclear detonators, warheads or weapons of any kind either, just in case you were wondering.”

“Wir sind wie Wasser – wir finden immer einen Weg”

Die Deutsche Seele

A little German never hurt anybody. I’m too lazy to translate this, in other words (Thea Dorn’s interesting observations about “The German Soul” this week in Die Zeit):

Wir Deutschen selbst sind die einzigen, die notorisch nicht wahrhaben wollen, wie viele unserer Ängste samt der daraus resultierenden Verhaltensweisen von einer typisch deutschen Mentalität zeugen: Jedem Briten ist klar, dass es sich beim “Waldsterben”,  das die Gemüter in den achziger Jahren erschütterte, um einen urdeutschen Spleen gehandelt hat. Kein Franzose versteht, mit welch plötzlicher Radikalität unser Land den Ausstieg aus der Atomkraft vollziehen will. Die Amerikaner waren perplex, als Deutschland unlängst sein Ja zum militärischen Libyen-Einsatz verweigerte. Wir selbst und die Welt würden uns besser verstehen, wüssten wir noch, dass ein deutsches Universal-Lexikon bereits im Jahre 1747 wortreich den “jetzigen Verfall der Wälder in Deutschland” beklagte und Martin Luther mit dessen noch älterer Befürchtung zitierte, dass es Deutschland “vor dem jüngsten Tage” an “wildem Holze” mangeln werde. Dass die im Vergleich zu anderen Völkern überstark empfundene Angst vor einer atomaren Verseuchung aufs Engste mit der deutschen Reinheitssehnsucht zusammenhängt, der schon immer jede Verunreinigung, die sich nicht mit Schrubber und Seife bekämpfen lässt, ein Albtraum war. Dass der vermeintlich neue deutsche Pazifismus seinen größten lyrischen Ausdruck bereits 1779 fand, als Matthias Claudius dichtete: “‘s ist Krieg! ‘s ist Krieg! O Gottes Engel wehre, / Und rede Du darein! / ‘s ist leider Krieg! – und ich begehre / Nicht schuld daran zu sein!” Nur weil wir all dies vergessen haben, können wir heute unsere uralten Ängste als Fortschrittssignale ausgeben.

Germany Will Lead!

But only from behind. It’s another one of those German schizoid personality disorder things.

When history dictates humility, and modesty proves so profitable, reticence endures.

Germans tell the pollsters they fear for their money—and then add that they like both Europe and the euro. They sense that it is cheaper to throw up firewalls than to pay for the devastation of the blaze. They bridle at rewarding the vices of the “Club Med” countries. But their real horror is to be left alone in Europe once more.