The Case Of The Cryptic Cross

September 12, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Christianity, German, Germans, Germany, Islam, Islamists, Religion, Tolerance Leave a comment

Somebody call Sherlock Holmes. Pronto like.

Berlin police and media are clearly puzzled by this unsolvable criminal case. An Afghan wearing a Christian cross was viciously attacked by two young men at S-Bahn station Neukölln after asking him “Why did you become a Christian?”

“We just can’t figure it out,” one investigating officer said later at the scene of the crime. “Why would Germans do such a thing? Sure, Berliners aren’t exactly religious but to just attack some guy because he’s a Christian in a Christian country like this? At least nominally a Christian country, I mean? Too strange.”

“Any ideas who could have done this awful thing?” asked his Partner, Barney. “We’ve asked all the shop owners around here but no one saw a thing. I think we’ll head a few steps down the street to that radical Al-Nur Mosque over there and see if any of those folks know anything. They’re religious at least.”

Laut Experten richtet sich die Aggression von Tätern oft gegen Zuwanderer aus muslimischen Ländern, die sich für den christlichen Glauben entscheiden.

The Anti-War Is Over (If You Want It)

September 10, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Anti-War Protests, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Ramstein 1 Comment

I certainly want it. Remember these guys? They travelled here in a DeLorean from the 1980s. A DeLorean station wagen or something.

They materialized again in front of Ramstein Air Base for an anti-war protest rally protest. US-Amerikan warmongering is warmongering again or something. I honestly had no idea. Hey, it’s election time in Germany again but I’m not sure which party is supposed to be getting the votes here. The Marxist-John-Lennonist-68-Internatinal-Front?

Zuletzt hatte die bundesweite Kampagne die Atomkrieg-Drohungen von US-Präsident Donald Trump gegen Nordkorea scharf kritisiert. Sie forderte die Bundesregierung auf, “öffentlich den USA jede Unterstützung für ihre Kriegsvorbereitung zu verweigern”.

German Of The Day: Angst

September 8, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Studies, Surveys 1 Comment

That means angst. And here is the latest German angst check:

Terrorism wins again. But does it really? German Angstforscher (angst scientists – how could they be anywhere else but in Germany, right?) point out that terrorism, for example, is a socially accepted angst that everybody can openly get all angst-like about, without getting any angst about getting any extra angst on top of that. The real close up and personal kinds of individual angst, however, that’s a different matter. People don’t like to talk about that kind of angst because they have too much angst to do so. I have angst, for instance, that these angst studies are creating more angst about angst than they need to. And that frightens me.

“Man weiß, dass es sich bei der Terror-Angst um eine sozial akzeptierte Angst handelt. Die Leute berichten doch nicht gerne einem Menschen in einer Telefonumfrage über ihre ganz individuellen Ängste, die sie sonst allenfalls mit den engsten Freunden und Familienangehörigen teilen.”

Must Have Been The Reds

September 7, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Humor Tags: Angela Merkel, Elections, Germany, Puns, Tomatoes Leave a comment

Who threw those tomatoes at Angela Merkel, I mean.

They were probably just trying to catsup in the polls.

“Well, whoever did it,” one guy said. “I love you from my head tomatoes.”

Lettuce pray that doesn’t happen again.

German police say they’re investigating who threw two tomatoes at Chancellor Angela Merkel during an election campaign event in the southwestern city of Heidelberg. Police spokesman David Faulhaber told The Associated Press on Wednesday the tomatoes came from a group of hecklers on the sidelines. Witnesses Tuesday said they had been yelling things like “hypocrite” and “traitor to the people” in apparent criticism of Merkel’s migrant policies.

PS: What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

Let Us All Learn Together

September 6, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hypocrisy, Manuela Schwesig, Private Schools, Public Schools, Schools, Social Democracy, SPD 1 Comment

And hold hands together. And show solidarity for one another. You know, all that kind of wonderful gooey fooey social activist stuff that “Social” Democrats do.

But even though I’m a big time SPD public school education advocate and multi-cultural integration cheerleader poster girl kinda woman – and former Federal Minister for Family Affairs, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth and current Minister President of Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania – I still prefer to send my kid to a private school, if you don’t mind. Even if you do mind I’ll be sending my kid to a private school. There’s way less riff-raff there.

Mecklenburg-Vorpommerns Ministerpräsidentin Manuela Schwesig (SPD) steht wegen der Entscheidung, ihr älteres Kind, Sohn Julian (10), zum Schuljahresbeginn auf eine Privatschule zu schicken, in der Kritik. Nach Ansicht der Links-Opposition im Landtag offenbart der Schritt die Mängel und Lücken im staatlichen Schulsystem.

Germany Wants Code Of Ethics For Driverless Cars?

September 5, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Humor Tags: Driverless Cars, Driving, Ethics, German, Germans, Germany, Self-driving Cars Leave a comment

Why? What a complete waste of time and money. Driverless cars could only be more ethical than the ones with drivers in them. At least here they would be.

Here are just a few of the new ethical rules self-driving cars are going to have to follow once they are introduced in Germany:

1. No tailgating any closer than six inches while you’re doing 180 or higher on the Autobahn.

2. No pointing repeatedly to your non-existent head screaming at the top of your non-existent lungs about what a bunch of insufferable idiots all these other cars with drivers in them are.

3. No fist fighting over parking spaces because you don’t have any fists, you big dummy. Just run over the guy and that space is yours.

4. In “dilemma situations” when a crash is imminent, do not prioritize a human’s potential worth based on age, gender, race, physical attributes or political affiliation as all humans are equally worthless in the end.

5. If a collision is unavoidable be sure to have a little fun on your way out by making it a really, really big collision. Any human who survives is going to win in court anyway.

“All humans are considered equal for the poruposes of harm minimisation.”

Plague Beats Cholera

September 4, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Debates, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Merkel, Schultz, TV 4 Comments

That was a debate? I’d say that’s debatable.

Aren’t these two the heads of the parties that form the current coaltion government in Germany? What on earth are two people who are condemmed to agree about everything they do going to debate about? That’s right. Nothing. And that’s what we got last night. A whole lot of it.

German of the day: Schnarch. That means snore.

The leaders of Germany’s two biggest parties went head to head on TV for the only time ahead of the September 24 vote. Merkel and Schulz sparred on topics ranging from migration to foreign policy.

Maybe The Taliban Could Run For Election Here, Too

September 3, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Horror, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, MLPD, PFLP, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

The German election system certainly is a transparent one. It is easy for anyone here who is interested to see, for instance, that Germany’s Bundeswahlleiter (Federal Election Commissioner), whoever that might be, has one hell of a sense of humor.

He/she has allowed the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP), an Iran-backed terror group, to campaign as a political party in this month’s parliamentary election. The punch line, I guess, or one of them, is that the PFLP plans to run with the Marxist-Leninist Party of Germany.

No one here is interested, however. Why should they be? The PFLP is just another one of those boring, everyday German political parties that puts everybody asleep. Sure, it’s been linked to numerous terror incidents and killings and all that but it’s not like it’s the AfD or anything.

Die MLPD betreibt jetzt Wahlkampf als internationalistische Liste/MLPD, unter anderem mit der palästinensischen Terrororganisation PFLP, die durch Anschläge bekannt wurde.

How Poor Is Germany?

September 1, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Aid, Brexit, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Poverty, Scams, Subsidies 2 Comments

Why Germany is so poor it can’t even put its two cents in the conversation.

Poor? Germany is so poor it scams the Nigerians.

Germany is poor. It’s so poor it drives a Poor-shh.

And to top these jokes off, Germany is so poor that German states like Brandenburg will continue to need aid from the European Union for, like, well… Forever.

Remember: “The state (or in this case the über-suprranational-EU-state) is that great fiction by which everyone tries to live at the expense of everyone else.”

Brandenburg darf aus Sicht von Finanzminister Christian Görke (Linke) bei künftigen notwendigen Haushaltseinsparungen der Europäischen Union nicht belastet werden.

Russians Hack German Vote-O-Meter In Futile “Trump For Chancellor” Bid

August 31, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Political Parties, Voting, Wahl-O-Meter 3 Comments

Germany’s infamous Wahl-O.Meter app, a popular program that uses a series of questions to help undecided German voters (some 50 percent of the electorate) find the political party that suits them best, has been compromised by a group of mean and nasty Russian hackers, apparently in a vain attempt to get Donald Trump elected Chancellor of Germany.

Unfortunately, however, there is no such thing as a direct ballot for the office of German Chancellor so that “went into the pants” (was a complete flop), as the Germans like to say. But you can’t blame those clever Ruskies for not trying.

Since its inception 15 years ago, the Wahl-O-Mat’s main focus has been to mobilize younger voters. In fact, all 38 questions posed in the app chosen by a group of young and first-time voters. “Young people have contributed towards this product, which is aimed at furthering the political education,” Krüger said. “That is what lies at the very core.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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