Your Flight From 2012 Is Now Ready For Boarding

What do you mean? Berlin’s party joke phantom airport may be opening after all?

Airport

Too bad I didn’t keep our plane tickets from 2012 as souvenirs. They showed us departing from Los Angeles (LAX) and arriving at Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER), which was just about to open. But the launch, already delayed the previous year, was again called off at the last minute. So we landed instead at the charming but small Tegel airport (TXL) that dates back to the early Cold War…

To pessimists, BER symbolizes Germany’s bad developments. Its highly publicized bureaucratic and engineering fiascoes have dented the country’s former reputation — not always entirely flattering — of being relentlessly meticulous and punctual. The subtext is that Germany, whether it’s building airports or algorithms, is increasingly leaving economic dynamism to others, especially China.

To optimists, this too is part of Germany’s long historical arc to “normality.” Germans today are more relaxed about their national identity and place in the world than they’ve ever been. That explains why they’ve also been nonchalant about BER’s travails. The truth is, many Germans have secretly been savoring the airport headlines as a font of gossip. Many an awkward dinner party has been saved by boozy debates about whether humans would set foot on Mars before disembarking at BER, or whether it would be more cost-effective to rebuild the capital near a working airport.

The Natives Are Getting Restless

Germans, of all people, are slowly but surely losing patience with rules, regulations and restrictions – of the Coronavirus lockdown kind, I mean.

Demo

Demonstrations are now taking place throughout the country in which demonstrators are openly expressing their frustration with the false information and mixed signals coming from the politicians and medical experts who continue to curtail their fundamental rights. In other words, there ain’t gonna be a second lockdown, people.

3000 statt 80 Teilnehmer – Demo gegen Corona-Regeln. Die Demonstranten warfen der Politik und Medizinern vor, im Zusammenhang mit der Corona-Pandemie Panik zu verbreiten und die Grundrechte der Menschen zu beschneiden.

Official Holiday In Berlin – “What Are We Celebrating On May 8?”

Officially, it’s the 75th anniversary of the city’s “liberation” (Befreiung) as World War II ended. They couldn’t call it “Boy Did We Ever Get Our Ass Kicked Day,” I suppose.

Liberation

Or  maybe you could say it’s a day to commemorate the biggest daylight savings time reset ever. It’s when all the clocks in Germany were set to “zero hour.”

May 8, 1945, was ‘zero hour’ for Germany in multiple ways – Adolf Hitler was merely ash among the rubble when World War II ended in Europe. The desolate aftermath was dubbed “zero hour” by Germans — a more prescient term than they realized, for it also paved the way to rebirth.

Feiertag in Berlin – Was feiern wir am 8. Mai?

Attack On Journalists Already Long Forgotten

No self-righteous outrage here. The attackers who did the attacking were the wrong kind of attackers to attack.

Attack

They were leftist extremists and not right-wing extremists – as one is expected to expect here. And that’s harmless or cute or something. Germans in general and German media in particular are “blind in the left eye,” as the saying goes. This isn’t supposed to happen. So it doesn’t.

Authorities confirmed on Saturday that they are investigating the political motives behind an attack on the camera team of popular German satirical news show the heute-show [Today Show].

While filming on May Day, several members of the crew were attacked while filming in Berlin. Four members of the team sustained injuries severe enough to be sent to hospital. Five men and one woman were arrested.

We’ve Always Been Socially Distant

Wanting social chaos, anarchy and revolution the way we do. But this year we were particularly good, sort of, by showing an extra portion of social distancing. Not.

Riots

Don’t you just hate it when rioters get “unreasonable” like that?

Hundreds take part in social-distanced May Day protest in Berlin – Protesters defied a ban on gatherings of more than 20 people to mark May Day.

„Natürlich sind mehrere hundert bis mehrere tausend Menschen auf den Straßen unvernünftig gewesen. Das muss man sagen.”

Germans Lousy Cooks Too

“We’ve known for years that cooking competence has drastically declined in Germany,” somebody told some news agency somewhere. “But sheesh. These losers can’t cook diddly-squat. I’ve never cooked diddly-squat myself either. But still.”

Cooks

Coronavirus pandemic reveals Germans’ poor cooking skills – Germans reliance on fast food and pre-cooked meals has left them with limited culinary skills when they need them most, a food industry group said. But Germans are flocking to supermarkets and rediscovering cookbooks.

“Now people stand in supermarkets and ask themselves, ‘OK how do I make a burger myself?'”

No Lines, No Crowds

No customers, no purchases, no spend money, no make money, no business, no future.

Crisis

‘No lines, no crowds’ — Germans stay home as stores begin to reopen after coronavirus lockdown – German consumers are counting their pennies rather than returning to shop in large numbers as stores gradually reopen after being locked down during the coronavirus crisis, the national retailers association said on Wednesday.

“Consumers are in a crisis mode, consumer sentiment is in the doldrums.”

Now That There Are No Flights Anymore

The long-delayed, delayed, delayed, delayed (since 2011) opening of the Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER) will finally go ahead as planned, planned, planned and planned.

BER

Clever, really. Almost diabolical.

‘No risks’ ahead of Berlin Brandenburg (BER) airport opening in October 2020 – According to its operator, there are no more obstacles to get in the way of the BER airport finally opening its doors in October this year.

“We do not see any risks ahead of the first operations in October 2020.”

I Just Had To Look

Having read the book…

Movie

Not. If it weren’t for Corona, I’d go watch Corona – The Movie. I mean, if it were a movie that acutally existed and all that.

‘Corona – The Movie’ is our project. First we need the kind of director who nails the son of a bitch, a guy who will not rest until the virus is turned into lasagna, in its own movie. We need a director who rocks big-time, a man whose name is Martin Scorsese.

The Cast?

Mrs. Corona: Balle Herry
The bad virologist, Professor Pandemia C. Galore: Sigourney Beaver
The good virologist, Professor Vacuna Matata: Sandra Bullocks
The protective mask: Jim Carrey
The individual on the respirator: Brad DiCaprio
The narrator: Bernie Sanders
The arrogant ICU doc: Harrison Dodge
The helpful nurse: Angela Merkel
The Sheriff: Clint Westwood

The Plot? Who cares.

German Of The Day: Mundschutz-Pflicht

That means the mandatory wearing of face masks (Mundschutz actually means mouth protection in German).

Mundschutz

Coming to your German neighborhood soon – as soon as the face masks the German government failed to hold ready in stock are available.

Then everybody can move on to the “new normalcy,” whatever that’s going to be. Anything’s better than the old normalcy, I suppose.

Zusammen mit Lockerungen der Corona-Beschränkungen – Mundschutz-Pflicht wird immer wahrscheinlicher.