Here’s Another One Of Those “You Must Have Confused Me With Somebody Who Gives A S#?$&”T!”

February 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Airports, André Schmitz, Berlin, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Mismanagement, Politicians, Satire, SPD, Tax evasion Leave a comment

So. Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit knew for quite some time now that his SPD Culture Minister buddy André Schmitz had some funny money hiding in Switzerland (everybody‘s doing it these days) and just pretended that this problem would eventually go away all by itself. Well it didn’t, of course, and Schmitz has now had to resign and the mayor is in deep Scheiße about this right now or something, right?

Well any other politician would be but you clearly don’t understand with whom we’re dealing with here (unless you do understand). This is Klaus Wowereit HIMSELF (some call him Wowi – with that “v” sound, of course). This is the same guy who “did” the Berlin Airport that still hasn’t been done yet and will end up costing eighty-five quadrillion bazillion euros before it ever does get done, if at all.

Do you think there have been any consequences for that? Hardly. If anything, Wowereit got rewarded for his Engagement (commitment) by being put right back on as the “new” chairman of the board of the Berlin Brandenburg Airport Company after the “old” one had proven just how clueless he had been and had been forced to leave (that had been Klaus Wowereit too, of course).

Why is this guy always free from sin? Beats the hell out of me. There’s teflon, dann kommt eine ganze Weile gar nichts (then you can go on for a long, long while – way past normal teflon), and then there’s Klaus Wowereit teflon. He’s on his ski vacation right now and simply couldn’t be bothered by any of this. And he’s laughing his ass off all the way down the slopes I bet. Damn. Nice job if you can get it.

Kann ein Kinderschänder ein guter Bildungsminister sein?

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

February 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Early Retirement, Employment, Free Lunch, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Retirement, Satire, Scams, SPD 2 Comments

Ein Frührentner (an early retiree). Please laugh, but please also be assured that I personally know a German teenager who actually answered this question this way and was NOT joking.

And this really shouldn’t come as a surprise in a country where, according to the latest poll, 53 percent of the employed don’t plan to work past the age of 63 and barely one third of them expect to work until the “official” reitrement age of 65. Or is it 67 now? Wait, or is it 63 doch (after all)?

At any rate, whatever the official German retirement age may be, rest assured that it will not be the age at which the majority of Germans will be retiring.

Ein knappes Drittel will dagegen bis zum regulären Renteneintrittsalter weiterarbeiten.

SPD Not Sozial Enough

January 31, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Coalition Governments, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Political Parties, Satire, Socialism, SPD, The Left Party Leave a comment

Boy, that didn’t take long. Did you read that part about “social” yesterday?

Hardly in the new coalition government with the CDU/CSU, leading SPD politicians are now already preparing the way for their move to form a new “100% social” one with the Left Party.

These things take time, though. And it’s all about psychology. And timing. OK, the SPD has never been all that good with the timing part but they’re numero uno when it comes to subtle psychological manipulation. OK, not so subtle psychological manipulation. And publishing a paper calling for a “progressive left-leaning reform alliance with an aim to take over in 2017” with the Left Party is just the right ticket. For the start, I mean. Did I mention the timing part?

Für ein “progressiv-linkes Reformbündnis mit einer Machtperspektive 2017” müsse man “die bestehenden inhaltlichen und strategischen Differenzen zwischen allen Parteien links der Union” beseitigen.

Where’s The Money?

January 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Cost, Energy Turnaround, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Interventionism, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Satire Leave a comment

All of a sudden. For all of that five-year-plan-renewable-energy-turnaround-ideology-project-like-stuff in Germany, I mean. She is gone, señor.

Or at least more and more German citizens are finally waking up and simply just aren’t prepared to keep on paying ever more for less and less of whatever it was that this so-called energy turnaround of theirs was supposed to be delivering.

That is why Superminister Gabriel (didn’t he used to sing with Supertramp?) is now urging (ordering) German parliamentary lawmakers to start cutting state subsidies for renewable energies – for German industry – because they are rich and capitalistic or something and are therefore evil (he’s an SPD Superminister) and haven’t really been milked properly for this one yet. And the po folks just aren’t willing to keep paying more and more, like I said [By the way, the S in SPD stands for “social” and everything with “social” in it means “free lunch.” Read Margaret Thatcher’s quote down there on the right if you want to learn more.].

Of course why the energy turnaround has to keep on turning around the way it does like this in the first place is the really interesting question here, I find, but certainly not one that anyone here in Germany appears to be willing to ask. At least not quite yet anyway.

Yup, renewable turnaround money has sure gotten tight around here these days. Not even a Swabian housewife can help out anymore.

“We need to break the dynamics of ever-rising electricity bills, while ensuring a stable supply of energy for all.”

A 13.2 Pound Baby?

January 29, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Babies, Berlin, Birth, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Medicine, Miracles, Satire, Wunder 1 Comment

Born in Königs Wusterhausen near Berlin? Yeah, I’d say that’s a Wunder, too.

It’s a Wunder that the mother survived.

Der Chefarzt der Gynäkologie und Geburtshilfe, Rüdiger Müller, sprach von einem “medizinischen Wunder”, weil die weibliche Anatomie nicht auf ein solches Gewicht eingestellt sei.

Fade To Frack

January 20, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, European Commission, Fracking, German, Germans, Germany Leave a comment

The EU’s reputation as a model of environmental responsibility may soon be history. The European Commission wants to forgo ambitious climate protection goals and pave the way for fracking — jeopardizing Germany’s touted energy revolution in the process.

The Commission’s move further isolates Germany. Merkel’s government, a “grand coalition” of her conservatives and the center-left Social Democratic Party (SPD), seeks to increase the share of renewables in the country’s energy mix to 60 percent by 2036.

Germany May Double Number Of Soldiers In Africa To 14

January 19, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Africa, Berlin, Bundeswehr, Central Africa Republic, Eavesdropping, Edward Snowden, EU, France, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Mali, Merkel, Satire Leave a comment

OMG! Is Germany now headed for WAR ITSELF?!? Where is Guido Westerwelle when you need him? “The deployment of German combat troops is not an option. And I have to mention just one more point. We Germans are highly involved in Afghanistan, where the French are hardly involved at all.”

According to a report in the “Süddeutsche Zeitung” on Saturday the German government is planning to help reinforce the ongoing military operation in Mali through a larger and more robust French-German contingent. The newspaper also reported that government would support a possible EU military operation in the Central Africa Republic (CAR) with transport aircraft and aerial refueling.

“Europe cannot leave France on its own down there.”

PS: In a related story (not), Barack Obama Tells Germans In TV Interview That It’s OK For Them To Stop Worrying About US Spying Now So Everything Is OK Again.

Just Get Me To The Church On Time

January 15, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor Tags: Berlin, Berlin Fashion Week, Brides, Exhibitionism, Fashion, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nudity, Satire, See-Through Wedding Dresses, Sex, Topless 2 Comments

Yeah, me too. I’ve always felt that wedding veils add a certain mystique to a bride’s look.

Berlin Fashion Week. It’s not just for fashion designers anymore.

I Think It Should Have Been Superpenner

January 15, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Language, Newspaper Salesmen, Newspapers, Political correctness, Satire, Sozialtourismus, Superpenner, Unwort des Jahres Leave a comment

Sozialtourismus has just been selected by the Brain Police as Germany’s Unwort des Jahres (non-word of the year). It means “social tourism” and is terribly cynical and politically incorrect as it refers to “unwanted immigrants from eastern Europe” who come to Germany to presumably milk all the wonderful social benefits here, something of course social tourists from eastern Europe or elsewhere would never, ever do.

Non-word of the year? The year has just begun, hasn’t it? And there are way more cool non-words out there that are much more deserving, if you ask me (I know you didn’t, but I’m telling you anyway). How about Superpenner (Super Bum), for instance? Bum is totally politically incorrect, too (that is what they used to call the homeless) and super is, well, super. So there.

Anyway, in case you didn’t know, Superpenner is a new comic action hero who has now arrived to save Berlin. And it’s about freakin’ time, too. To save it from all of those Straßenfeger (street sweeper) newspaper salesmen who accost us with their sales pitches in the U-Bahn all day long. I can hear it already: “Now with the Supperpenner comic book!”

Berlins Straßen haben einen neuen Helden: Den Superpenner – wenn auch nur auf dem Papier. Der Comic-Actionhero soll den Absatz der Berliner Obdachlosenzeitung Straßenfeger steigern.

No Spy Deal Now No No Spy Deal

January 14, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Eavesdropping, Edward Snowden, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Naivete, No Spy, NSA, Satire, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

As Washington said it would announce reforms to its National Security Agency (NSA) later in the week, German media were already focused on a likely disappointing outcome for Berlin in talks on a “no spy” arrangement.

Oh, I dunno. Other than Washington not promising to stop listening in on politicians’ calls or say when they are listening in on Chancellor Angela Merkel’s mobile phone (or whoever else) or not allowing the Germans access to an alleged listening post on top of US embassy in Berlin, I’d say those “no spy” arrangement talks are moving along pretty well.

Doch der Fehler liegt woanders: in einer naiven Erwartungshaltung. Dass die Drahtzieher des 11. September aus Hamburg kamen, ist den Amerikanern immer noch präsent. Dass es zahlreiche Deutsche gibt, die sich nach Syrien aufgemacht haben, um dort an der Seite von Islamisten zu kämpfen, ebenfalls.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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