Lyrics Aren’t Everything

December 30, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Anthems, German, Germans, Germany, Hymns, Language, Lyrics, Migrants, Muslims, PEGIDA, Refugees, Song Leave a comment

Especially when you don’t have any.

A wordless song released by the anti-Islam group PEGIDA has knocked Adele off the top off the top of Amazon’s German downloads chart.

The song, Gemeinsam sind wir stark! or Together We Are Strong!, is being sold to raise funds for the protest movement, short for Patriotic Europeans Against the Islamisation of the Occident.

“Unfortunately, the product does not work,” Party-Idiot Patriot wrote. “I have repeatedly listened to the song with friends, but we are neither stronger nor more German.”

Now That Christmas Is Over…

December 27, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Austria, Christmas, German, Last Christmas, Radio, Songs, Terror, Wham 1 Comment

We can calmly address this story and all be thankful for not having been subjected to this diabolical madness first hand. It would have been too horrible to contemplate before Christmas Day. What kind of twisted minds think of such things?

Austrian DJ barricades himself in his studio and plays Wham’s Last Christmas 24 times in a row

Die Tür hatte er mit einer Holzlatte versperrt. Unsere Telefonleitung ist fast zusammengebrochen.“ Stoppen konnte den „Last Christmas“-Wahnsinn erst Kohlhofers kleine Tochter (5). Sie rief im Studio an, bat ihn: „Papa, kannst du bitte aufhören. Du machst alle Leute verrückt.“

Edumacated Germans To Smart Four So-So Media

December 22, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Education, Facebook, German, Germans, Germany, OECD, Social Media, Society, Studies, Twitter Leave a comment

You know, like Tweeter and all that stuff?

Uh oh. Just look at that chart. Yet another German Alleingang (solo action), or what?

Statistics show that unlike other industrial nations, more highly-educated Germans avoid social networks than people with little or no education.

“This mixture of protectionism and distaste for communication organized through the market economy makes the educated classes see the power of social media more as a threat than an opportunity.”

Mehr Bildung = weniger Social Media. Jedenfalls in Deutschland

Germans Have Nothing To Fear But Angst Itself

December 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Angst, German, Germans, Germany, Polls, Psychology, Satire, Surveys Leave a comment

German Angstforscher (fear research specialists) at the GfK research institute in Nuremberg have determined that the majority of Germans polled are fearful about the coming year, up nearly double from last year’s survey.

This immediately made the Germans reading these results even more ängstlich (fearful), screwing up the survey for the 69th year running.

Researchers then tried calming everybody down again by explaining to them that these types of studies have certain weaknesses and should not be taken at face value. Many of the Germans they attempt to survey, for instance, suddenly break out in a wild panic and run away in terror before completing the questionnaires. So the numbers could actually be a lot worse or something, they said.

The poll, carried out by the German market research institute GfK on behalf of the Hamburg BAT Foundation for Future Studies, found that 55 percent of Germans are fearful about the coming year, up from 31 percent last year, and 28 percent in 2013.

“Donald Trump hätte auch bei uns gute Chancen.”

Hate Speech To Be Gone Within 24 Hours, Dumb Speech Remains Untouched

December 16, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Censorship, Facebook, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Hate Speech, Political correctness, Racism, Refugees, Satire, Social Media, Twitter Leave a comment

In an international move of solidarity to promote goodness and niceness the world over for the betterment of the entire human race itself, the nations of Germany, Facebook Google and Twitter have agreed to end hate speech from their websites in our time or at least within 24 hours of its issue.

“This cuts right to the root of the whole hate thing,” a spokesman for the nation of Germany stressed. “As we have all learned through our years of experience in enforcing political correctness, merely using the proper terminology or “newspeak” is enough to alleviate the actual causes behind this improper way of thinking, I mean speaking. It’s like magic.”

Another spokesman assured the public that only hate speech will be targeted here and that all that other kinds of dumb, inane and annoying speech, the vast majority of speech that’s out there, will remain untouched.

“Wir dürfen den geistigen Brandstiftern nicht das Feld überlassen – weder auf der Straße noch im Netz.”

Dieselgate Actually US-Amerikanische Conspiracy Or Something

December 11, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Conspiracies, Dieselgate, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, VW 3 Comments

But you knew that already, I hope.

It was a few researchers from West Virginia (at least one German researcher working in the US was involved here, too, by the way) who brought down the might of the German automotive industry, exposing VW’s Dieselgate cheats. Do you think Germany is pleased about that?

Displeased might not be the right word, but the very healthy sense of irony in Germany came out strong as the industrial nation had to reckon with podunk yahoo America getting German tech on the global shitlist (see the FIFA scandal, “unfortunately” a similar situation). Let us not forget that VW is Germany’s biggest automaker, and making autos is Germany’s most proud export business.

This video comes from the publicly-funded ZDF TV network.

American cars. Non-manipulated. Out of love for the environment.

TIME Magazine To Shorten Its Name

December 10, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Angela Merkel, Germany, Hype, Journalism, Migrants, Person of the Year, Refugees, Time Magazine 4 Comments

To “A politically left-intellectual group of high earners in a country that receives virtually no refugees” Magazine. I mean lengthen it, of course.

The American magazine’s decision to honour her (Angela Merkel) with the high-profile award went down less well in Germany itself, where there is deep unrest over the huge numbers of migrants streaming in every day from the Middle East.

Felix Steiner, an editor at state broadcaster Deutsche Welle, said writers in New York who were praising Mrs Merkel’s open door migration policy had no idea about the impact it has had on German communities.

“The haunted ones are the cities and municipalities that are being forced to take in ever more refugees and have no idea how they will ever be able to house and care for them.”

David Vance said (on Twitter): “Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was named runner-up to Merkel in Time “Person of the Year” Says it all, really.”

PS: Speaking of “a country that receives virtually no refugees,” somebody told me that Germany has taken in more “refugees” in 2015 than the United States of Amerika has in the past ten years. Should I believe that person or not?

Merkel’s Million Migrant March Marathon Making Masses Mad

December 7, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: AfD, Front National, German, Germans, Germany, Hate Crimes, Immigration, Merkel, Migrants, Political Parties, Racism, Refugees, Syria, Til Schweiger, Xenophobia 3 Comments

Where on earth could all of this German nervousness possibly be coming from these days?

The 1,000,000 refugee mark has almost been reached, the Paris Attacks are barely three weeks old, Saudi Arabia is openly financing religious radicals here, broke-weenie German aircraft are off to Syria and elsewhere (for repairs?), Germany’s AfD anti-immigration party’s numbers keep looking better and better, the Front National is getting fat and sassy in France… What, me worry?

There is one thing that really and truly gives me the creeps, however: Til Schweiger’s threat to make a migrant movie. That might just break this camel’s back.

While vast numbers of Germans have volunteered to help refugees, there has also been a rise in anti-foreigner sentiment that has buoyed the populist and anti-immigration Alternative for Germany (AfD) party.

When In Doubt Just Say No

November 30, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Cities, German, Germans, Germany, Hamburg, Olympics 2024, Referendums, Sports Leave a comment

Nein, nein, nein, already. Nolympics in Hamburg, either.

As you can see up there, Hamburgers were too afraid that the Olympics they decided not to bid to host for yesterday would have brought more police brutality, more barbed wire fences, more school crossing cops escorting people to airports, more big nasty retro surveillance cameras and more US-Amerikan Yankee dollars coming out of the chimney of some Hamburger’s house in a really weird surrealistic fashion (causing particularly nasty air pollution, I assume?).

Put in that light I think it was the sound decision to make.

Let’s see, Munich said no, Berlin said no and now Hamburg says no. I think a pattern is starting to develop here. Boston, too, said no, of course (are there really that many Bostonians of German extraction?). What a minute. Has hosting the Olympics now become some new form of cruel and unusual punishment or something? Maybe we could get ISIS to put in a bid.

“Die Menschen sehen, dass es Sachen gibt, wo das Geld besser angelegt ist.”

German Of The Day: Verunsichern

November 18, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hanover, Language, Paris, Soccer, Terror, Terrorism 3 Comments

That means to unsettle or to unnerve. And that is what German interior minister Thomas de Maizière definitely did NOT want to do by refusing to explain in detail why the soccer match in Hanover had to be cancelled last night, saying “that would only unsettle the public.”

So now the public is just plain scared instead.

Although, on the other hand, there are some pretty good German tweets cashing in on that line right now: “How do I look this morning, honey?” “I’d rather not say. Part of my answer would only unsettle you.”

Er möchte die Menschen nicht verunsichern. Doch gerade das macht vielen Angst.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hysteria