German Angst Is Back?

What do you mean, back? Did it like step out for a quick cigarette when nobody was looking or something? I certainly never saw it leave.

Angst

I mean, Germans have angst when they don’t even need to have any angst (it’s “the German lifeblood“). That’s why they qualify German ‘angst’ with the ‘German’ part. They’re sure as hell going to have some angst whenever there’s a good reason to have angst. Talk about your no-brainer.

Here, help me answer these:

– Do we react more skittishly to change than others?

– What unnerves the Germans so much about this large influx of refugees? Is it fear of terror, or concern about rising crime, or diluting the culture?

– Are we being overcome by a fear of the future?

– Is there a typical anxious German?

– Is the political landscape in Germany fundamentally changing?

I’m glad you asked me that, Deutsche Welle. The answer here is, of course, yes.

Germans Have Nothing To Fear But Angst Itself

German Angstforscher (fear research specialists) at the GfK research institute in Nuremberg have determined that the majority of Germans polled are fearful about the coming year, up nearly double from last year’s survey.

Angst

This immediately made the Germans reading these results even more ängstlich (fearful), screwing up the survey for the 69th year running.

Researchers then tried calming everybody down again by explaining  to them that these types of studies have certain weaknesses and should not be taken at face value. Many of the Germans they attempt to survey, for instance, suddenly break out in a wild panic and run away in terror before completing the questionnaires. So the numbers could actually be a lot worse or something, they said.

The poll, carried out by the German market research institute GfK on behalf of the Hamburg BAT Foundation for Future Studies, found that 55 percent of Germans are fearful about the coming year, up from 31 percent last year, and 28 percent in 2013.

“Donald Trump hätte auch bei uns gute Chancen.”

What To Do When You Get Your Next German Panic Attack

First of all: Don’t panic.

Panic attacks

Then stick your fingers in your ears because you’re probably about to develop an acute case of tinnitus. Because of all off that repressed panic or something.

Tinnitus

But don’t panic about that, either. I SAID BUT DON’T PANIC ABOUT THAT, EITHER!

Panikattacken: Einfache Ratschläge gegen Atemnot, Schwitzen und Herzrasen

Germans Aren’t Scaredy-Cats

They’re Fear Rabbits (Angsthasen).

Angst

And what’s the number one angst in Germany these days? Ukraine? Ebola? Nope. Money. Money, the environment and health, in that order.

“The majority of Germans are afraid the Eurozone crisis will hit tax payers hard and that the cost of living is rising.”

Im westlichen Kokon scheint der Blick gelegentlich getrübt – ein wenig mehr Realismus könnte den Deutschen nicht schaden.

Waldsterben, Acid Rain, BSE, Bird Flu, Ozone Hole…

All must go the way of the dinosaurs sooner or later.

Ozonloch

Wait a minute. Do any of you out there even remember the Waldsterben (death of the forests) hysteria?

The ozone hole, the annual thinning of the protective ozone layer in Earth’s stratosphere over Antarctica, was slightly smaller than average this year compared to its size in recent decades, NASA said on Friday.

Three Bad Reasons Why German Newspaper Publishers Simply Won’t Trust Google News…

And vigorously push for any and all legislation aimed at making life for Google & Co. as difficult as newsworthyly possible. They seem to have three main bad reasons, as far as I can tell, like I said, but if you can come up with any others, please don’t hesitate to let me know:

Google

1) The Google News aggregate makes money off said German newspaper publishers by displaying snippets of said German newspaper publishers’ stories, only… Google doesn’t make any money with Google News by virtue of the simple fact that Google doesn’t place any advertising on Google News pages so, well, there is no German newspaper publisher money here to be made off with.

2) Google shamefully steals readers away from said newspaper publishers’ publications because, uh… Google News is actually one of the major sources of traffic to these German newspaper sites so, well, it’s the publishers who are getting the readers and making the money off of Google.

3) Google needs to be controlled ever more closely with ever stricter regulation and be restricted from including any of these said news articles without a publisher’s expressed written permission to “opt in” because, well… These newspapers can already “opt out” any old time they like simply by having their webmasters do so (a simple change to the robots.txt file will suffice).

And now that all of these outraged German publishers have decided to opt in to Google News anyway – now that they have been given the choice to do so – well, that makes all of this yet another typically complex German news story all in its own write and one which of course nobody else who is not German will be able to understand just right yet.

German Newspaper Publishers Seem Not To Understand Google News

You Can’t Even Count On German Hypochondria Anymore

One can only muster up just so much angst, I guess. Even if you’re a German. There’s just never going to be enough of it to go around to make everybody happy. I mean unhappy.


 
That’s right. Current German Angstzustände (states of anxiety) just ain’t what they used to be. German angst being the complex, ever-changing and unstable condition that it is, a new Forsa study has indicated that, for the moment at least, Germans are actually more frightened of the ongoing European debt crisis than they are of the worries they make about their own health, or lack of it.

How it could come to this unexpected result is very puzzling for many, myself included, but one researcher has come up with a startling new theory that might explain this sudden and eerie angst turnaround. He believes that the permanent media reports about sicknesses and health risks stir up people’s worries and fears (duh), but with all the media attention being focused on the debt crisis these days, common disease mongering has simply been coming up too short on the angst Skala (scale).

Boy I sure hope that they finally get this Eurpean debt crisis crap over with soon so we can get back to business.

“Es scheint, als ob permanente Medienberichte über Krankheiten und Gesundheitsrisiken auch die Ängste der Menschen schüren.”

Germans Just Love The ECB’s New Bond-Buying Program

Not.

Which brings us to our next topic: The latest greatest German angst survey. A new study by R+V Versicherung (insurance) has just found out what Germans loved to be scared of most these days: The climbing cost of living (63 percent of those asked).

Außer den “Standard-Ängsten”, die die R+V Versicherung seit zwanzig Jahren bei 2500 Deutschen abfragt, stehen alljährlich auch aktuelle Themen zur Debatte.

Must See TV 4 Me

Finally, German TV for the rest of us. Hot diggity dog.

A new mini-series is starting on ZDFneo called “German Angst” and promises to finally and definitively answer a question that has been puzzling me for many years: “Are Germans really as neurotic as everybody thinks they are and just what is it that they are afraid of?” Actually, it’s the second part of that question I’m interested in. I already know the answer to the first part.

Of course if the show can actually hold that promise or not, that’s another thing. And how the hell are they going to find all this out in just 6 short episodes?

“Ich bin Autor und Reporter auf der Suche nach der Angst.”