Inequality For All

March 7, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Economics, Economy, Equality, Fairness, German, Germans, Germany, Growth, Humor, Perceptions, Satire, Statistics, Wealth Leave a comment

That seems to be what most Germans think their country provides them with these days. They are forever moaning and groaning about how the German “social divide” keeps widening.

Germans can be pretty innumerate, you see, believe it or not (when the media hype wants them to be). Nobody ever stops to consider the numbers here, either (just like everywhere else). You have to go to professional-like people on the outside (like at The Economist) for that.

DIW, an economic think-tank in Berlin, says that inequality rose significantly after German reunification; but that it has fallen a bit since 2005 (see chart). Awkwardly for the left, that is when Angela Merkel became chancellor, in coalition first with the SPD, then with the FDP.

This is the opposite of what the public believes. According to a study by Allensbach, a polling institute, 69% of Germans think wealth and income are unfairly distributed, and almost two-thirds believe inequality has risen in the past few years. That is good for the left.

Germany remains a huge social and economic success, something that it often seems unGerman to savour.

German Man Caught Impersonating A Cardinal After Other German Man Caught Impersonating A Pope

March 6, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, History, Humor Tags: Catholicism, Early Retirement, Fakes, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Impersonators, Religion, Rome, Satire, The Pope 1 Comment

OK, OK. The German Pope dude actually was a Pope but he did that typical German Frührente (early retirement) thing that Popes don’t normally do so technically speaking you could be a real devil advocating jerk if you wanted to be and claim that the guy never was a real Pope in the first place (and no, of course I’m not Catholic and yes, I clearly don’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about here – except for that Frührente part).

As for the Cardinal dude, I think he looked rather convincing while hanging out with several unsuspecting eminences in Rome the other day. Except for the sneakers he was wearing, maybe. And his crucifix, which was too short, or so I’m told. And his sash turned out to be just a purple scarf. But still. The Cardinal question here is, well, is not having a life something you can actually make your living at?

He was thrown out by the Swiss Guard after someone noticed his crucifix was too short and his sash was just a purple scarf.

Empörungsprofis

March 5, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anarchy, Berlin, Demonstrations, East Side Gallery, Gentrification, Humor, Protest, Satire, The Berlin Wall 1 Comment

Outrage professionals.

A farce, this “protest movement” at the East Side Gallery. And a well-written article, this is. But sorry, I don’t have the time or the energy to translate it today.

Wo war eigentlich Claudia Roth?

Hoff The Wall

March 4, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, History, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, David Hasselhoff, Demonstrations, East Side Gallery, Gentrification, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Protest, Satire, The Berlin Wall 2 Comments

David Hasselhoff himself, “adored by fans in Germany after his 1989 performance of his song Looking for Freedom on top of the Berlin Wall,” is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore and will now sign a petition opposing the further removal of remnants of the wall at Berlin’s East Side Gallery.

But that’s not the interesting part of this article, I find. The following line is:

He once complained that his role in the reunification of East and West Germany had been overlooked following the fall of the Berlin Wall.

His role in the reunification of East and West Germany? I don’t get it. David Hasselhoff’s roles are always overlooked. That’s just what he does. That’s his trademark, so-to-speak. So let’s move on and overlook his latest role here while we’re at it, too.

“How can you tear down the wall that signifies freedom, perseverance and the sacrifice of human life?”

The British are leaving! The British are leaving!

March 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Humor, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Allied Forces, Berlin, British Army, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, NATO, Occupation, Satire, The British Army on the Rhine, Timetables, UK Troops Leave a comment

And the German communities they will soon be leaving don’t like it one little bit. It has to do with Kaufkraft (spending power) or something.

Strange, isn’t it? Germans are always the first to demand the quickest possible withdrawal timetable for “foreign” troops (NATO, ISAF, etc.) taking part in peacekeeping operations elsewhere in the world, but then start whining once the foreign peacekeepers in Germany finally have enough already and decide to leave themselves – after nearly seventy years.

Peace is hell.

“Da sind die Auswirkungen nur schwer abzuschätzen.”

Remove 20 Meters?

March 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, History, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Gentrification, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Protest, Satire, The Berlin Wall 3 Comments

Of a 1.3-kilometer stretch of the Berlin Wall?

And you can still find 300 people who care?

The real issue: This is being done to build a road to a new luxury condominium so, well, the yuppie scum must be behind it again.

“Does culture no longer have any value?”

It Takes One To Know One

February 27, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Berlusconi, Clowns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Grillo, Humor, Italy, John Kerry, Peer Steinbrueck, Satire, SPD 1 Comment

“Clearly a clown with a testosterone boost” himself, hapless Social Democrat chancellor candidate Peer Steinbrueck just got his dinner invitation cancelled by visiting Italian President Giorgio Napolitano after calling former premier Silvio Berlusconi and comic-turned-politician Beppe Grillo “clowns.” Which they are, of course. But that’s the point. I think.

Speaking of clowns, Germany, never forget that we Americans have a right to be stupid – and that we exercise this right regularly. At least when we’re big important non-elected government officials we do. No matter where we are. No matter what country we happen to be visiting. Imaginary or not.

“The reason is, that’s freedom, freedom of speech. In America you have a right to be stupid — if you want to be.”

Angry Radical Femen Women Showing Their Feminist Thingies All Over The Place These Days

February 26, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, High Art, Hotness, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Boobs, Demonstrations, Femen, Feminism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nudity, Protest, Satire, Sex, Topless, Women 3 Comments

Even in Berlin, of all places. And I, for one, find it shocking and disgraceful.

But on the other hand… If this is the only way to unite young women in their striving for the democratic principles of social awareness, political activism and social development, who am I to stand in their way?

„Wir als Frauen erobern die Hoheit über unsere Körper zurück und setzen sie für politische Ziele ein.“

Global Warming Still Causing Colder Weather In Germany

February 24, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate, Climate Change, CO2, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Humor, Satire, Science, Weather Leave a comment

In February, of all months. And in Germany, of all countries.

According to German meteorologist Dominik Jung, Germany has just set a new record for having its 5th colder-than-normal winter in a row.

In light of recent scientific predictions that Central Europe would soon not be having any winters at all, several of the scientists who had made these predictions are now attributing this unexpected climatic odditiy to a newly discovered global warming abnormality they are now calling “Winterwetter.”

Winterwetter seems to have a direct relationship to the global warming theory postulate asserting that water vapor and clouds will temporarily cancel out the warming effect of CO2 emissions currently destroying our planet, thus temporarily reversing the deadly global warming trend for a small period each and every year lying roughly between the seasons of autumn and spring and directly affecting countries like Germany with unreasonably and unseasonably cold weather until the more unreasonably and unseasonably warm weather returns again.

Am Montag könnte die Schneedecke noch einmal deutlich anwachsen. Erst ab Mitte der Woche ist Besserung in Sicht.

Germany Not Trying To Dominate Europe

February 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Domination, EU, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Presidents, Psychology, Satire, The Euro Zone Leave a comment

Honest. Why try when it comes so naturally?

No, seriously folks. Poor German President Joachim Gauck. He certainly means well (and somebody’s talking head has to say this stuff, I guess), but how can you not think that Germany is imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent when he goes out of his way to tell you that Germany is not imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent?

“In Germany, more Europe doesn’t mean a German Europe. To us, more Europe means a European Germany.”

Well, nice try, but you forgot about the German European Germany variation. It’s not that we don’t trust you, Germany. It’s just that we don’t trust you. It’s called the BKB Syndrome (or at least that’s what I call it). You know, The Big Kid on the Block Syndrome? It’s incurable and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it and you’re guilty until proven guilty so just go ahead and kick back and get used to the situation (as if you weren’t already). And, oh yeah, welcome to the club already, too.

“I was shocked to see how quickly perceptions became distorted, as if today’s Germany stood in the tradition of German imperialism, even of German crimes.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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