Not With This Chancellor

February 14, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Children, Demographics, Demography, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Politics, Satire, Taxation, Taxes 1 Comment

Five minutes of excitement is better than no excitement at all.

A group of young conservative politicians, concerned about Germany’s catastrophic demographic development (or the lack of it), received less than a warm welcome by their very own Chancellor Angela Merkel herself today: They’re pushing for a tax on the childless, you see.

Although most politicians are normally crazy about raising taxes or introducing new ones, Frau Merkel made it quite clear that the buck (the euro?) stops here. Like practically everybody else in Germany, she doesn’t have any kids, either.

„Ich glaube, die Diskussion der Einteilung in Menschen mit Kindern und ohne Kinder ist hier nicht zielführend.“

This Is An Anglicism

February 13, 2012 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, English, Expressions, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Language, Satire, Science, Words 4 Comments

Not an Americanismcism, OK?

Those filthy-mouthed British. “Shitstorm” just won Germany’s Anglicism of the Year award (2011). Wow. I wonder if “Crap Tornado” came in second?

The punchline: “The jury’s decision is meant to emphasize the positive influence of English on the German language.” I don’t make this stuff up, people.

Mit der Wahl will die Jury den positiven Einfluss von englischen Ausdrücken auf die deutsche Sprache hervorheben.

Berlinale Predictably Boring

February 11, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Film, German, Germans, Germany, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, Satire 1 Comment

As usual. But at least we get to look at Angelina Jolie for awhile this year.

She and her husband what’s-his-name have been here for days now and refuse to go home, giving the notoriously anti-Hollywood Berlin Film Festival that all important Hollywood touch.

But as for the movies, the only Lichtblick (bright spot) I have heard about so far is a film called Barbara, “a harrowing reminder of what life was like two decades earlier behind the Iron Curtain and Berlin Wall that stood just a few meters to the east of theatres where the Berlinale is based.” You know, it’s a film about how suffocatingly horrible communist East Germany was. But who wants to see that? Here in Berlin of all places, I mean.

That and that flick about the Nazis on the dark side of the moon, of course.

“It’s not a film about East Germany, it’s a film about how people survive in a country that was on its way out.” – Hmm. Sounds like a film about Syria.

Electricity Scarce In Germany These Days For Some Reason

February 9, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Power Plants, Renewable energy, Satire, The Green Shirts 1 Comment

Germany’s power operators have requested that reserve generators at a power plant in southern Germany and two plants in Austria be activated because, well, the lights are fixin’ to go out here (it’s c-c-cold).

But don’t think for a moment that this has anything at all to do with eight of Germany’s 17 nuclear reactors having been switched off because of an earthquake in Japan last year because it doesn’t. You got that?

“We do not have a problem of supply, of quantity, it’s principally a question of stabilizing the network.”

Speaking Of The Dark Side

February 8, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Economy, Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jobs, Satire, Unemployment, Wages Leave a comment

Here’s a little tidbit about the dark side of “Germany’s jobs miracle.”

“BEST LOW WAGE SECTOR IN EUROPE”

Job growth in Germany has been especially strong for low wage and temporary agency employment because of deregulation and the promotion of flexible, low-income, state-subsidised so-called “mini-jobs”.

The number of full-time workers on low wages – sometimes defined as less than two thirds of middle income – rose by 13.5 percent to 4.3 million between 2005 and 2010, three times faster than other employment, according to the Labour Office.

Germany can only hope that other European countries do not emulate its own wage deflationary policies too closely, as demand will dry up: “If everyone is doing same thing, there won’t be anyone left to export to.”

PS: Like I noted on a post the other day, the USA and Germany have more in common than they think. Now the Greeks are burning German flags, too.

The Super Bowl Winner

February 6, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Humor Tags: Ads, Automobiles, BMW, Commercials, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Super Bowl Sunday Leave a comment

This year (when it comes to commercials for German products, I mean) is…

The series of all six commercials will form part of BMW’s national advertising campaign for the launch of its new 3 Series sport sedan, which goes on sale February 11.

More German Super Bowl Commercials

February 3, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Humor Tags: Advertisement, Commercials, Football, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Super Bowl 2012, Volkswagen 2 Comments

Please. I mean for German products, of course.

We’ll know more on Sunday – Monday over here.

Volkswagen took a gamble by releasing the spot before the game — something most advertisers didn’t do last year. But the move paid off: the ad quickly became a viral hit on video-sharing website YouTube, with 49.4 million views since. And it came in No. 3 on USA Today’s Ad Meter, which ranks Super Bowl commercials.

Let The Protests Begin

February 2, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Military, Missle Shield, NATO, Ramstein, Russia, Satire, Technology 2 Comments

Now that the command center for NATO’s missile shield program will be based here in Germany, it’s time for the German Left (that’s the middle of the road here, by the way) to start telling us why this is an awful bad horrible idea.

My guess is that that we will find out that there are actually no such things as rogue states like Iran (only morally challenged ones), that a missle shield like this is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement, and that putting one into operation (even though it is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement) would hurt Russia’s feelings.

There’s not much happening on the Peace Front either these days, you see. And spring is just around the corner. And folks do get easily bored, you know?

The United States insists that the missile shield aims to counter missile threats from Iran, but Russia has voiced concerns that it would target its own strategic deterrent.

Merkel To Discuss Human Rights While In China

February 1, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, China, Currency Reserves, Economy, Euro, Euro Zone, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Investment, Reserves, Satire 2 Comments

Very, very, discretely, that is. If at all.

After all, what are draconian measures against Chinese civil rights activists, state censorship and unrest in Tibet compared to all those trillions of dollars of Chinese currency reserves just waiting to be invested in debt-ridden euro zone countries like, well, her own? And waiting and waiting and waiting, I might add.

Who says grovelling will get you nowhere? Maybe I did. But at least it’s worth a try.

“Chinese investments are expressly welcome. They will be sought, used and appreciated — both in Germany and in the rest of the euro zone.”

Thriving, Struggling, Suffering

January 31, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Humor, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Gallup Polls, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Life, Optimism, Pessimism, Philosophy, Psychology, Satire 6 Comments

Although not necessarily in that order.

Germans are notorious pessimists, as you know. And they’re always bitching and moaning, especially when they don’t have anything to bitch and moan about. Take this latest Gallup survey, for instance:

“The 4 in 10 Germans who rated their lives highly enough to be considered “thriving” throughout 2011 was lower than in 2010.”

That could have been a whole lot worse, though. I’ve been living here so long that the first time I read that sentence I swear I was sure it read

“The 4 in 10 Germans who rated their lives highly enough to be considered “LIVING” throughout 2011 was lower than in 2010.”

Come on Germany, you’re giving me a complex. Go out there and live a little already!

In addition, the percentage of Germans who are “suffering” ticked up slightly in the fourth quarter of 2011, amid escalating economic turmoil in the eurozone.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Humor