And They Speak Such Funny Englisch, Too

“It drives me up the wall the way waiters in Berlin restaurants only speak English,” one popular German politician has recently been quoted as saying. In Berlin. In German.

English

And I couldn’t agree more. Although the German government may have made it compulsory for asylum seekers to learn German, this rule unfortunately does not apply to EU residents and others who have come here to live and work and, well, it’s understandable that some Germans are mad as hell about it and aren’t going to take it anymore.

The English these waiters speak, you see, is often done so by natives (UK folks, Canadians, Australians, even the occasional US-Amerikaner or two) and therefore practically impossible for most Germans to understand.

“Vat do they mean with ‘coming right up’ or ‘you bet?’ Vat does betting have to do wis my order? If zhey are going to speak zheir language here zhey should at least have the decency to do so properly, verdammt nochmal!”

Germans are too relaxed on the issue and that it would never happen in Paris.

German Of The Day: Großzügig

That means generous. As in “Merkel’s Generous Refugee Policy Puts Germany at Risk.”

Merkel

On July 28, one person was murdered and another five were injured by an Islamist wielding a knife at a supermarket in Hamburg, Germany. The sad tale had an all-too-familiar ring to it for many Germans: The perpetrator should not have been in the country. His application for asylum had been rejected and he was awaiting deportation. This latest attack may lead the German government to revisit the wisdom of its immigration policy. But it is more likely that, having allowed in almost 2 million refugees since 2015, Chancellor Angela Merkel will simply double down. Merkel recently reaffirmed that, despite a string of Islamist plots perpetrated by recent arrivals into the country, Germany will put no limit on the number of refugees it is willing to accept. Her stance poses a serious threat to all of Europe. Such large numbers of newcomers quickly present huge societal challenges, not to mention serious security concerns. And no European nation is more endangered by this than Germany.

Messerattentäter Ahamd A. plante offenbar Lkw-Attentat.

Schulz Effect Now Tropical Depression Schulz

Only we’re not in the tropics here.

Schulz

And down, down, down they go. Germany’s Social Democrats (SPD) keep losing ground in the polls just weeks ahead of the country’s parliamentary election. They have now reached what they call the vor-Schulz-Tief or pre-Schulz-low before the legendary, if not mythical medial Schulz effect kicked in when he announced his candidacy. Well, at least he’s not an alien. Having the media on your side doesn’t always help, folks. Not here in Germany, either, I mean.

The Greens have seen better days themselves. Some of the Green rats have even begun jumping ship.

„Die spannende Entscheidung ist der Platz drei. Daran zeigt sich, welche Botschaft von der Bundestagswahl ausgeht. Für die Grünen sind alle, die ihre Meinungen nicht teilen, dumm, von gestern oder böse. Diese Überheblichkeit ist nicht nur nervtötend, sondern auch eine Gefahr für den Wohlstand, wenn Technologien zum Feindbild gemacht werden.“

 

German Of The Day: Sozialabgaben

That means social welfare contributions. And that comes out to be some 900 billion euros in Germany annually. These are not voluntary contributions either, folks.

Sozialabgaben

This is 29.3 percent of Germany’s GDP. GDP here standing for Grotesque and Deranged Payments, by the way.

Diese Leistungen entsprechen den Angaben zufolge 29,3 Prozent vom Bruttoinlandsprodukt (BIP/2015: 29,2). Nach einer Prognose wird Ende kommender Legislaturperiode die Billionen Grenze überschritten. Die Sozialausgaben werden dann bei 1,1 Billionen Euro liegen.

PS: The word “social” is a code word for “here’s something for free” over here, too. Just in case you were wondering.

German Of The Day: Notlandung

That means emergency or forced landing.

A380

I guess size matters after all.

The future of Airbus’s A380 super jumbo looks even more bleak after the pan-European aircraft company said it was cutting production of the double-decker airliner.

Reporting half-year figures, Airbus said that “considering the current order booking situation” delivers of the A380 will be reduced to eight in 2019…

Demand for the giant four-engined aircraft has waned as airlines seek the efficiencies of smaller twin-engine aircraft. Airlines have ordered just 317 A380s; so far 213 have been delivered.

Der weltgrößte Passagierjet A380 wird für Airbus zu einer immer herberen Enttäuschung. Weil Airlines den Flieger nicht mehr bestellen, streicht der Hersteller die Produktion ab 2019 auf acht Maschinen pro Jahr zusammen.

German Of The Day: Berührungsangst

That means the fear of contact or of being touched.

Books

Anti-fascists close an Israeli’s “Nazi recruitment center” in Berlin? Wow. They used to just call them bookstores. But I think I understand, sort of. Books and their authors are scary and dangerous. You know, scary like old ideas are scary, addressed from a distant, detached and academic point of view? That type of think might cause a fuss so make sure to cause the fuss beforehand. Unless you’re talking about books like the Communist Manifesto and stuff like that, of course. No Berührungsangst there.

A Berlin bookstore owner has said that the protests and boycott orchestrated by local anti-fascists against a planned event about fascist Italian philosopher and occultist Julius Evola – whose work inspired both Benito Mussolini and the far-right movement in the US – has helped force him out of business.

“So drum together all your punk friends and their dogs and pay a visit to these eso-hipsters on Thursday (the day of the event).”  My. how anti-fascist of you.

German Of The Day: Migrationshintergrund

That means migrant background.

Police

And that is what the groups of thirty to fifty young people (a more strongly coded code word) had in common as it came to violent clashes with the police at a Volksfest in the little German town of Schorndorf. Other visitors at the Volksfest, these specifically of Iraqi and Afghan background, were arrested in connection with three cases of sexual assault.

Personally, I’m convinced that the victims provoked these attacks again. There’s a popular German saying here: Other countries, other customs. Germans are just a little slow when it comes to adopting these other customs, that’s all.

Unstrittig ist, dass es am Freitag und Samstag insgesamt drei sexuelle Belästigungen gab und dass in diesen Fällen gegen Iraker und Afghanen ermittelt wird.“

 

German Of The Day: Die Mannschaft

The advertising marriage of VW and “Die Mannschaft”, as Germans call their team, starts on January 1, 2019 and runs until July 31, 2024.

Mannschaft

No financial details were released, but German media said Wolfsburg-based VW would pay the German Football Association DFB 25 million to 30 million euros ($28-34 million) a year, far more than Daimler has paid.

German Of The Day: Deutsche Bank

That means German Bank.

Deutsche Bank

And it’s getting hard to find a financial scandal that this bank is not involved in. When it comes to corruption and criminal activity, it’s the Volkswagen among the banks, you could say. Or the Audi, if you prefer.

Today’s criminal activity: U.S. authorities have tried to seize millions of dollars associated with several companies that deal with North Korea, including the country’s military, from eight large international banks, according to court filings made public on Thursday. Deutsche Bank is among them.

Some of the transactions were processed for Dandong Zhicheng Metallic Material Co and four affiliated “front” companies that prosecutors said tried to evade sanctions through transactions that would benefit North Korean entities, “including the North Korea military and North Korea weapons programs,” according to the filings.

Amerikanische Staatsanwälte haben die Deutsche Bank und sieben weitere Banken im Visier. Der Grund: Sie sollen Geschäfte mit nordkoreanischen Tarnfirmen gemacht haben.

Facebook’s Behind It

Never having been a country with anti-Jewish sentiment issues before, German President Frank-Walter Steinmeier, aka Schlafmütze (sleepyhead), just did a little research and was shocked to discover that those awful American social media companies are the reason for the increased anti-Jewish sentiment in Germany today.

Facebook

“Social media often propagates the spread of hate messages and antisemitic provocation,” Steinmeier said, noting that the trend is growing across Europe. Except in Germany, of course, because trend isn’t really the right word for it here. Thanks to social media, he reiterated.