Or at least that’s what I assume he’s here for.
“We have seen worrying images in recent days, images of violence and destruction.”
Tag Archives: Satire
If You Want To Watch YouTube Videos in Germany, Go To South Sudan Instead
Over 60 percent of the world’s most popular YouTube videos are blocked in Germany – South Sudan only manages to block about 15 percent.
GEMA, which represents recording artists as well as publishers, wants YouTube to pay a fee for each and every video viewed on the site that contains music of one of the artists represented by GEMA (which include every major label artist, as well as most indies). YouTube has rejected that approach, and instead wants to pay a percentage of the ad revenue it makes with those videos.
Negotiations have, well, broken down. Feelings have been hurt. Lawsuits have been filed.
“Dieses Video ist in Deutschland nicht verfügbar, weil es möglicherweise Musik enthält, für die die erforderlichen Musikrechte von der Gema nicht eingeräumt wurden.”
Heino Schlägt Zurück!
Heino (himself), the avenging angel of German Volksmusik, retaliates.
Tired of being verarscht (spoofed) by everybody else in the German music industry (and just about everywhere else, for that matter), he has now begun a winter offensive by offending bands like Rammstein and Die Ärzte. By covering their songs, I mean.
They clearly never saw it coming. And word is they don’t like it. The Spießer (bourgeois squares).
Der Schlagerbarde singt die Lieder derer, die ihn bisher so gern verhöhnten. Aber wehren können sie sich dagegen nicht.
Seeing That Other People Have Lives Makes Germans Absolutely Miserable
Germans always knew that Facebook (like Google and practically every other hi-tech company from, uh-hum, Amerika) was somehow EVIL. But at least now they know why.
Two German universities have discovered that there is rampant German envy, uh, running rampant on Facebook. Apparantly, having to witness other people’s wonderful love lives, super vacation adventures and stunning successes at work makes them near physically ill.
This couldn’t surprise anybody who has spent any time in this country, however. Der deutsche Neid ist einfach ohnesgleichen. German Neid (envy) is unparalleled. It permeates this society to such a degree that practically every individual in the country is affected. I can’t say why this is, of course. But my gut feeling theory is that Germans are, in the end, simply unhappy. And misery loves company.
“We were surprised by how many people have a negative experience from Facebook with envy leaving them feeling lonely, frustrated or angry.”
Global Warming Phenomenon Dumps 6 Billion Tons Of Snow On Germany
Right in the middle of winter, too.
Die fast flächendeckend über Deutschland liegende Schneedecke wird wegen der erwarteten weiteren Schneefälle bis Mittwoch auf ein Gewicht von sechs Milliarden Tonnen ansteigen.
A Boy Named Sue
As in I’ll sue you! Geez. Berlin’s mayor Klaus Wowereit is all touchy these days for some reason. The guy clearly can’t lighten up and take a joke. Not like in the good old Party Klaus days, I mean.
Now he’s even unleashed his lawyer after German transvestite Olivia Jones made a suggestive comment about him (Klaus) and her, I mean him (Olivia) on trash TV’s finest: Jungle Camp.
Wait a minute. Shouldn’t she ought to sue herself for suggesting that she had anything to do with Klaus Wowereit? I sure the hell would. Talk about defamation of character.
„Wowereit? Ist das nicht dein … dein … dein …“ „Ja – aber das war doch nur einmal!“
More Breathtakingly Beautiful Berlin Fashion Week Fashion!
If you like edgy, untraditional, eclectic, weird-ass, stupid as shit fashion, this is definitely the place for you!
“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
How About Berlin Brandenburg Willy-Nilly Instead?
Or maybe Berlin Brandenburg Infamy International?
For now, Berlin’s new airport is officially called Willy Brandt Airport after the former Germ chancellor and Nobel Peace Prize winner widely acknowledged to have been one of post-war Germany’s greatest leaders.
But the image of the airport has been tarnished so heavily by the construction fiasco surrounding it that the Willy Brandt Foundation appears to regret the choice of name.
“Willy Brandt would probably turn in his grave if he knew that he’s supposed to give his name to this catastrophic airport.”
“Laser”
Dr. Evil: [about his new “laser“] You see, I’ve turned the moon into what I like to call a “Death Star”. [Scott snickers]
German defense firm Rheinmetall Defense used a new high-energy laser weapons system to shoot fast-moving drones at a distance. The system, which uses two laser weapons, was also used to cut through a steel girder a kilometer away.
All I can say is thank goodness this technology is in German hands. That way it will only be used for peaceful purposes. You know, like making money, and stuff like that.
ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Lego Might Be The Solution
Come pick up your Lego blocks!
We’re building a big international airport. It’s going to take a while.
Observing Hermann 