When The German Anti-Terror Units Aren’t Sick The German Taliban Are

December 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria Tags: Afghanistan, Bundeswehr, Disease Mongering, Fake Illnesses, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Hypochondria, Justice, Law, Legalese, Legality, Satire, Taliban, Terror, Terrorists 1 Comment

Only Germans can come up with Pretraumatic Stress Disorder. But now we can take this puppy up a notch higher.

“German Taliban” Josef D. (the guy in the middle with the skin problem) joins a terrorist group, gets himself a Kalaschnikow, goes to Afghanistan intending to do that jihad thing but then gets Durchfall (diarrhea) and therefore cannot take part in all the cool attacks planned on US installations there so he has to return home to Germany where he promptly gets busted (I’m not sure for what, though).

Now his lawyer informs us that his Schuldfähigkeit (legal culpability) needs to be looked into very intensely and thoroughly-like because not only does this guy have terrible awful diarrhea problems, he also suddenly seems to be suffering from some kind of mysterious mental disorder. Uh, wait a minute. Don’t all terrorists suffer from some kind of mysterious mental disorder?

Anyways, this all has a certain logic to it if you ask me. Germany is the number one country when it comes to doctor visits, after all. Politicians get sick and throw in the towel here all the time. German intellectuals regularly get ill or “burn out” while analyzing the world around them. A huge portion of German youth suffers from “social phobia” and half a million Germans are hopelessly “addicted” to the Internet. Hell, even the German Pope gets sick and has to go into early retirement, for crying out loud.

It’s just not easy being a German, I guess. Without getting sick, I mean. But like doesn’t somebody out there – who is German – have to do it?

Wegen einer chronischen Durchfallerkrankung habe er aber nicht an Anschlägen und Angriffen der Gruppe auf afghanische und US-Einrichtungen teilnehmen können, so die Bundesanwaltschaft.

German Sky Already Falling With Bad Robots

December 2, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Amazon, Data Privacy, Data Security, Drones, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Paranoia, Prime Air, Robots, Satire, Star Wars 1 Comment

Datenschutz! Datenschutz, Datenschutz, Datenschutz Datenschutz. Robot insects.

Drones. Datenschutz. Robots. Amazon. Amazon drone robots. New ideas. Bad technology. Technology bad. Bad ideas.

Then there’s the Datenschutz part.

Jeff Bezos. Darth Vader. Das Imperium schlägt zurück (The Empire Strikes Back).

Technisch ist es möglich, der Datenschutz aber ist heikel.

German Word Of The Day: Zwangsumlage

December 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Electricity, Energiewende, Energy, Energy Turnaround, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Government Planning, Green energy, Humor, Language, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Satire, Smart Meters, Socialists, SPD, Taxation, The Green Shirts, The Wayback Machine Leave a comment

Zwangs- = compulsory. Umlage = levy, share in the costs. Put those two together and what do you get? Forced to share. But we’re talking about money here folks so let’s just call it another tax and get it over with already.

This latest planned tax consists of forcing German households to purchase so-called “smart meters” or modern electricity meters that are supposed to regulate energy consumption by drawing electricity from that so wonderfully green German energy grid whenever this energy is cheaper. You know, like when hell freezes over?

This will only set back German consumers another 70 or 80 euros after already having been hit with a seven percent energy bill increase planned for next year, too (the seven can and will change, of course, and we all now in which direction it will be going).

Turn it around as much as you want. Anyway you turn this German energy turnaround around, you’ll always get the same result. Once you’ve turned it around, I mean. She is like way too expensive, señor.

But what can you expect from a government that is about to go retro and way back in the Wayback Machine to the good old days of SPD Never-Never Land again?

“Verbraucher sollten mit attraktiven Angeboten überzeugt, statt mit immer mehr ordnungsrechtlichen Einbaupflichten gezwungen werden.”

PS: The next German word of the day will be Abzocke. Here’s a tip: It means rip-off.

Petra S.-S.

November 30, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hotness Tags: Petra Schmidt-Schaller Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Poor But Sexy But Stoned

November 29, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes Tags: Amsterdam, Berlin, Cannabis, Counterculture, Drugs, German, Germans, Germany, Law, Marijuana, Poor But Sexy, Pot, Weed 2 Comments

Actually, depending upon who you choose to believe, Berlin isn’t nearly as poor but sexy as it used to be.

But that still leaves the stoned part (he said leaves). Talk about that counterculture paradise we were addressing yesterday. Councillors in Berlin Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg have now voted to launch the city’s/country’s first cannabis cafe in their district. See what happens.

I had no idea you could drink the stuff in your coffee, though.

German law prohibits the public sale of narcotics, but exceptions are possible “for scientific or other purposes in the public interest”.

Neurotic Impulse

November 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Counterculture, Delusion, Edward Snowden, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Neurosis, NSA, Paranoia, Privacy, Surveillance Leave a comment

And maladaptive reaction. Berlin, a counterculture paradise? I guess. A privacy haven? Keep on dreaming.

But it’s a lot more than that. Berlin has always been a place to hail heros who aren’t heros. That’s why this Snowden asylum nonsense fits like a glove here.

An international cadre of privacy advocates is settling in Germany’s once-divided capital, saying they feel safer here than they do in the United States or Britain, where authorities have vowed to prosecute leakers of official secrets…

One wants to be glad that Berlin (and Germany) is a sanctuary for people who have been subjected to inappropriate, excessive snooping by U.S. and U.K. authorities. Still, it’s always worth it, I think, to be a little skeptical of individuals, or groups, or cities and countries whose attitudes carry a whiff of neurotic impulse and maladaptive reaction. Berlin positively reeks of it…

It is an ironic twist for a sometimes-bleak city that was once better known as a backdrop to John le Carré novels.

Calling All Baseball Fans

November 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Baseball, Berlin, Berlin Brigade, German, Germans, Germany, Politics, Sports, Sports Fields, Tempelhof, Tempelhof Airport, US Army 2 Comments

In Berlin (all two or three of you?). Please sign this petition in support of the old baseball fields on Columbiadamm at Tempelhofer Feld (click the picture).

The Berlin Senat is planning to get rid of one of them to make room for a Friedhofserweiterung (cemetary expansion)? That about says it all, doesn’t it?

Thanks for the link, Indeterminacy. And yes, an ape may just have been keeping score there.

Ein weiterer Softballplatz in Zehlendorf wurde aufgrund zahlreichen Protestes eines Bewohners eines Einfamilienhauses vernichtet und steht ebenfalls nicht mehr zur Verfügung.

It Must Not Have Been German Ape Porn

November 27, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hotness, Humor Tags: Apes, German, German Porn, Germans, Germany, Humor, Popcorn, Pornography, Satire, Science, Zoos 4 Comments

In a behavior study taking place at a German zoo, scientists have discovered that apes prefer popcorn to movies showing explicit ape sex scenes.

Maybe they would get better results if they did a misbehavior study instead.

“Maybe they are not so interested, as Bonobo apes very often have sex anyway.”

Good German Scientists Helping Bad US Government Develop Killing Machines

November 27, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Funding, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military Research, Research, Satire, Science, Scientists, Technology, Universities Leave a comment

Which is bad. Every dolt knows that German universities only do research for things having to do with goodness and niceness so these absent-minded professors clearly must have been tricked or something.

Word is that 22 German universities and research institutions have received more than $10 million from the US Defense Department’s budget since 2000. And this just has to be a bad thing. Doesn’t it?

Maybe the UN or Star Fleet Command could pass a resolution ensuring that science only be used for goodness and niceness in the future, the world over, just like it is here in Germany. Except sometimes when folks get tricked.

Yet once something is researched and published, it is available to anyone for any use. This gives rise to what researchers call a dual-use dilemma. Rockets that transport satellites into space, for example, could also be used to carry nuclear weapons. Knowledge about pathogens can be used to develop new medicines or biological weapons. Nuclear technology can harvest energy or build atomic bombs.

Pretraumatic Stress Disorder?

November 26, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria Tags: Afghanistan, Bundeswehr, Disease Mongering, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Mental Health, Soldiers Leave a comment

Please tell me what I don’t understand here. I just have to have missed something. I reread this article several times, too.

According to a German report about posttraumatic stress disorder, about one fifth of German soldiers suffer from psychische Vorerkrankung (pre-existing psychic strain) BEFORE they are deployed abroad.

I mean, I know Germans are super efficient and all that. But how the hell do you get posttraumatic stress disorder before you ever even make it to the post?

Laut einer Studie zu posttraumatischen Belastungsstörungen (PTBS) haben 20 Prozent der Soldaten eine psychische Vorerkrankung. So ist ihr Risiko größer, nach der Rückkehr unter Problemen zu leiden.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”