At Least It Wasn’t The NSA

October 4, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Coalition Governments, Communism, DDR, Elections, Espionage, GDR, Gregor Gysi, Humor, Ruth Kampa, Satire, Socialism, Stasi, The Left Party Leave a comment

The Unification Day celebrations are now officially over. Red-Red-Green coalition talks anyone?

Well what do you know? It turns out that the chief executive secretary of the Left Party in the Bundestag was a “top agent” of the Stasi. Sachen gibt’s die gibt’s gar nicht (what will they think up next?).

Left Party boss Gregor Gysi is absolutely shocked, of course, and just cannot understand how a person like that could infiltrate a political party like his.

But at least Left Party members are able to take solace in the fact that said agent was clearly not an insidious agent of North American imperialism (excluding Canada) and a rotten capitalistic scumbag opertive working for that reactionary bourgeois NSA spy system so in the news and up in our faces these days but rather an easy-going and progressive comrade type who was not at all forced to work for a quaint totalitarian state once located in the immediate vicinity but then inexplicably disappeared and was only trying to make the world a more, you know, social place to live

Schwerer Schlag für die Linke: Die Geschäftsführerin der Fraktion im Bundestag, Ruth Kampa, war offenbar eine Top-Agentin der Stasi. Fraktionschef Gysi will davon nichts gewusst haben.

Confirm Your Prejudice Here

October 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Communism, East Germany, German, Germans, Germany, Mindsets, Preconceptions, Prejudice, Psychology, The Berlin Wall, Unification Day, West Germany 2 Comments

Germans still have walls in their heads? Why should that surprise anybody? Everybody else does, too. It’s just that the Germans are the only ones who have an excuse for it, sort of.

“Eastern Germans often say that western Germans are arrogant, materialistic, more bureaucratic and superficial.”

…But Eastern Germans aren’t the only ones still holding prejudices – western Germans have their own clichés about Germans from the former GDR. According to surveys conducted by leading opinion research centers, western Germans think Eastern Germans are sour, mistrustful and anxious. On the other hand, only 43 percent of western Germans considered eastern Germans “motivated” and “flexible.”

And both are right, of course. Hey, if you believe you are a second class citizen, then you are one. And if you believe you are the superior one who calls all the shots, then you are. But it’s kind of fun watching these folks slowly ride off into the East-West sunset. Both camps know quite well that they’re already von gestern (yesterday’s news). Or as Butt-Head used to put it: “Uh-huh, old people, uh-huh.”

“The second and third generations after the unification are much more optimistic, and see more equality between east and west. The proportion of those who think there are more differences than similarities between eastern and western Germans has continuously decreased over the past years.”

And have a happy Unification Day already.

Lady Gaga To Event Herself At Famous Hedonistic Nightclub

October 2, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Artpop, Bergain, Berlin, Hermaphrodites, Humor, Lady Gaga, Music, Nightclubs, Satire, Sexuality, Techno, Urban Legends Leave a comment

In Berlin. And the rumors are already abounding that she is at long last ready to finally reveal to the world that she is actually a woman.

In gut einem Monat erscheint Lady Gagas neues Album “Artpop”. In Berlin rührt Gaga am 24. Oktober selbst die Werbetrommel und wird den Fans die Platte vorstellen, sie moderiert das Event auch noch selbst.

A Tale Of Two Titles

September 30, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Chemical Weapons, Exports, Foreign Policy, German, Germans, Germany, Syria, Weapon exports, Weapons Leave a comment

Wat denn nu (well which is it then)? Which of these two headlines is correct?

“Germany offers help to Syria chemical mission”

“Germany supplied Syria with chemicals up until 2011?”

Both are, you say? OK, I get it. I mean, I kinda sorta do.

Germany is ready to give finance and technical support to the international operation to destroy Syria’s chemical weapons, Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle said on Saturday.

No Berlin Wall Here

September 26, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Communism, Elections, Forest Boy Ray, Fraud, German, Germans, Germany, Hoaxes, Political Parties, Stasi, The Berlin Wall, The Cold War, Voting, Waldjunge Ray 1 Comment

Not unless you look at how Berliners vote, that is.

There was no great cross-border migration in the city after 1989. People had security of tenure in their flats, and they stayed put. Berlin had a large concentration of members of the Socialist Unity Party (as the communist party in East Germany was called), as well as the civil servants and Stasi operatives who kept the communist state running, and they have remained in their areas and transferred their loyalty to Die Linke.

PS: Speaking of cross-border migration, whatever happened to Ray? You know, that Dutch dude who ripped off Berlin’s youth services for 30,000 euros while doing his memory loss show for months on end? Well, he just got slammed with all the Härte (severity) of German law and will now have to perform 150 hours of community work AND receive counseling. Yowie. Let me tell you what. The Germans do NOT mess around when it comes to dishing out draconic punishment.

Inconvenient Truths

September 24, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, Climatologists, Elections, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Public Opinion, Satire, The Green Shirts Leave a comment

No, not just the one about top German Green party leaders having to resign after seeing their party’s vote drop to 8.4 percent under their leadership (from 10.7 percent in 2009).

There is also the one that climatologists are going to have to face – according to the Spiegel, of all places – about the data showing how global temperatures just aren’t rising the way they had so alarmingly and repeatedly predicted they would.

This is a dilemma. Or another moment of inconvenient truth? I guess the question now is how the Greens and the climatologists are going to get together and manage to kick-start the fear and get it reved up again. Or what other options could they possibly have?

The number of people who believe in such a coming apocalypse, however, has considerably decreased. A survey conducted on behalf of SPIEGEL found a dramatic shift in public opinion — Germans are losing their fear of climate change. While in 2006 a sizeable majority of 62 percent expressed a fear of global warning, that number has now become a minority of just 39 percent.

PS: It must be hard to be cool and smug and still get whooped bad by a dull, frumpy and uncharismatic “Swabian houswife.”

FDP R.I.P. Greens With Envy.

September 23, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Elections, FDP, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Greens, Politics 3 Comments

With 4.8 percent, the FDP was well below the 5 percent needed to enter parliament, and 10 percent below their showing in 2009. For the first time since 1949, the liberals will not be represented nationally.

The Greens took 8.4% of the vote, enough to win representation in parliament, the Bundestag, but too little to form its preferred coalition with the Social Democratic Party, which won 25.7%.

“The FDP is tough. They have a deep history. They have representatives all over the country, including in the municipalities. They are deeply anchored in society, in the public – so it’s not yet the end of the FDP.”

Nach der Schlappe bei der Bundestagswahl will der Vorstand der Grünen geschlossen abtreten. Volker Beck zieht sich als Parlamentarischer Geschäftsführer zurück.

Now Get Out There And Vote!

September 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Berlin, Drunkenness, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Oktoberfest, Satire Leave a comment

German of the day: Bierleiche. This means “beer corpse.” You know, when one of those thirteen beers was bad?

Eineinhalb Stunden nach Beginn des Oktoberfests in München ist die erste Patientin mit Alkoholvergiftung in der Wiesn-Sanitätsstation gelandet – angeblich nach nur einem Bier. Normalerweise kommen die ersten Patienten aber schon früher.

I Got Your Center-Right For You Right Here

September 20, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Angela Merkel, Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Voting Leave a comment

Although it might as well be a center-left. Um, is there even a difference between the two in Germany anymore?

Two days before the vote, a survey by Forsa for private broadcaster RTL showed Merkel’s conservatives — the Christian Democratic Union (CDU) and its sister Bavarian party the Christian Social Union (CSU) — 14 points ahead of the SPD, meaning she will almost surely return for a third term.

But her combined center-right bloc, which includes the business-friendly Free Democrats (FDP), was in a dead heat with left-leaning opposition parties, with both camps on 45 percent.

That makes the election in Europe’s largest economy too close to call.

“I still don’t know who I’m going to vote for.”

Creepy Northhampton Clown Identified

September 19, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaigns, Clowns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Northhampton Clown, Peer Steinbrück, Satire, SPD Leave a comment

In Berlin of all places.

The Northampton Clown, who spooked residents with a series of freaky night time appearances, has said that he never wanted to scare anyone with his antics.

The figure, who made global headlines when he was spotted in full clown attire on Friday 13, has said that he “just wanted to amuse people.”

“Wie bei einem Horrorfilm.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Berlin