Ronald McDonald Sees All

You can run, suspected terrorist types, but you can’t hide from the Golden Arches.

Ronald sees all.

After discovering and destroying a “highly dangerous” explosive device at Bonn’s central train station, German police are now patting themselves on the back for having already made their first arrest in the case, all thanks to the dreaded (in Germany) security camera footage in use there.

No, not the footage from the security cameras aimed at the platform where the device was found – there was no coverage there – this footage came from the security cameras used at the central station’s US-Amerikan McDonald’s restaurant.

You know, die totale Überwachung (the total surveillance) state and all that? Germans don’t like that kind of stuff for some reason (that terrorist suspect dude doesn’t like it much either, I bet). It has to do with data privacy or Google Street View or something. I forget.

Would you like fries with that?

Zwar appellieren Datenschützer, bei der Überwachung öffentlichen Raumes die Verhältnismäßigkeit zu wahren. Doch etwa in Ballungszentren Großbritanniens hat man sich an flächendeckende Kamerapräsenz längst gewöhnt – und davon kann die Polizei häufig profitieren.

Secret Weapons Deals?

Since when has any of this been a secret?

Made in Germany.

That Germany is the world’s third largest weapons exporter, I mean (preferably to the Middle East these days, by the way). So what’s the problem here? Germany is simultaneously the world’s number one pacifist nation too, you know.

But to make matters even, uh, better, some here are unabashedly calling this enlightened policy “the Merkel Doctrine” now: It’s better to maintain peace by selling weapons, rather than have to fight for it. They have to be German weapons, of course. But still. You know, help those who help themselves while you’re helping yourself at the same time?

Wait a minute. Hasn’t that always been the doctrine here?

Waffen verkaufen, statt selber zu kämpfen.

Pleasant Christmas Smells Make Germans Sick

And here you always figured that your lousy Chirstmas spirit had to do with the dreaded Verwandtenbesuch (visiting relatives). Well, it does. But recent research indicates that Christmas smells in abundance (and they always are this time of year) can also make Germans irritable and depressed.

Smell

That’s right. Aromatic candles, incense, advent wreaths with cinnamon and cloves, vanilla, anise, coriander, you name it. All these wonderfully smelly yule tide substances now pose a health threat to us (I mean you) and should be enjoyed in moderation only. I mean not be enjoyed in moderation only, of course.

Bah! Humbug already!

“Zuerst empfindet man den Duft noch als angenehm, aber bald schon kippt die Stimmung, man fühlt sich unwohl, leer oder gereizt.”

Know What This Is?

 

London

 

An interactive map of every single bomb dropped on London by the German Luftwaffe during the Blitz of World War II.

During that period (the London Blitz), London was attacked 71 times. More than one million houses were destroyed or damaged, and more than 40,000 civilians were killed.

“Wenn man diese Karten und die Verbreitung der Bomben über der Hauptstadt betrachtet, wird klar, was das Wort Blitz bedeutet.”

Yuppie Scum Need Not Apply

What would you do if hords of uninvited strangers suddenly started pouring into your city for temporary visits in order to pump boatloads of money into your local economy? What would you do if affluent and upwardly mobile young expats moved into your neighborhood(s) and started opening businesses, buying homes and increasing the property values there?

Gentrification here? Nein, danke!

Why you’d freak the hell out and demand that they get the freak out of Dodge by sundown, wouldn’t you? Oh, you wouldn’t? Then you’re not German. Worse still: You don’t live in Berlin and you’re not a Berliner, either.

Viva the Hipster Antifa Neukölln or something.

“The anti-foreigner thing started as a bit of a joke but now it is much more serious. This is critical, it is sneaking into mainstream thinking – it’s almost being perceived as normal to dislike tourists.”

How Shocking

Or something. 30 protesters stormed the grounds of the Iranian mission in Berlin Dahlem and pelted the building with stones and paint and stuff.

Uebergriff auf Iranische Botschaft in Berlin

Uh, so what’s the problem with that, Guido? It’s not like they’re going to be taking hostages are anything.

“Just as we expect other states to provide adequate protection for our embassies, so we must ensure German authorities are doing everything possible to protect diplomatic missions.”

 

Europe Speaking With One Voice Again

Not.  Ho hum. Been there, done that.

Ahead of the United Nations vote that is set to recognize a Palestinian state, Germany has announced it will abstain.

Having strong European support strengthens the Palestinian bid for recognition in the face of US resistance, and they have likely found it in Austria, Denmark, Norway, Finland, France, Greece, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Malta, Portugal, Spain and Switzerland. Meanwhile the Czech Republic and the Netherlands appear to be leaning toward a “no” vote, while Britain could abstain along with Germany.

So in case you were wondering, European unity never was, is or will be a possibility.

“The German government has, through its own tactical maneuvering, failed to come to an understanding with its partners. This will further diminish the weight of Europe in the Middle East.”

Google Now Evil Panic Mongering And Cheap Propaganda Machine Or Something

German lawmakers were clearly shocked upon learning that Google would not be warmly welcoming their proposed legislation to let publishers charge search engines for displaying newspaper articles.

The search engine giant has reacted instead by initiating a campaign to mobilise public opinion against the proposed bill and calling for the public to “defend your web,” a company spokesman noting: “An ancillary copyright means less information for consumers and higher costs for companies.”

German Justice Minister Sabine Leutheusser-Schnarrenberger said that she for one was astonished that Google was trying to monopolise opinion-making. “Why, that’s our job,” she might have said.

“The campaign initiated by Google is cheap propaganda.”

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Warum das Leistungsschutzrecht keine gute Idee ist:

Generell sehen die Forscher die Gefahr, dass auf deutsche Presseprodukte gar nicht mehr verlinkt werde, „jedenfalls nicht unter Verwendung von Snippets, die für effiziente Internetrecherchen jedoch elementar sind“. Sie warnen in ihrem Schreiben, das namhafte Urheberrechts- und Medienrechtsexperten unterstützen, vor negativen Folgen für die deutsche Volkswirtschaft. Ihre Schlussfolgerung: „Gesamthaft betrachtet scheint der Regierungsentwurf nicht durchdacht. Er lässt sich auch durch kein sachliches Argument rechtfertigen.“

The N-Word

You know, it starts with an n and ends with an r*? Do not even think about using it over here in Germany these days, people. Not that you would even want to or anything, even if you could. I’m just sayin’.

Why is this the case? I’ll tell you why. Because everybody’s all touchy these days. German power grids are less stable than they ought to be and nobody wants to address the reason why that is. Folks have gotten all sensitive and defensive because, well, because of that “power networks more unstable since n-word drop-out” thing.  And no, I didn’t think up that subtitle. I’m just quoting it, sort of. Civilized folks don’t use the n-word. And I ain’t a-gonna use it either.

Kritisch werden könnte es nach Auffassung von Fachleuten generell vor allem in Süddeutschland, wo der Strom der abgeschalteten Atomkraftwerke fehlt.

* “Nuclear”