Russians Hack German Vote-O-Meter In Futile “Trump For Chancellor” Bid

August 31, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Political Parties, Voting, Wahl-O-Meter 3 Comments

Germany’s infamous Wahl-O.Meter app, a popular program that uses a series of questions to help undecided German voters (some 50 percent of the electorate) find the political party that suits them best, has been compromised by a group of mean and nasty Russian hackers, apparently in a vain attempt to get Donald Trump elected Chancellor of Germany.

Unfortunately, however, there is no such thing as a direct ballot for the office of German Chancellor so that “went into the pants” (was a complete flop), as the Germans like to say. But you can’t blame those clever Ruskies for not trying.

Since its inception 15 years ago, the Wahl-O-Mat’s main focus has been to mobilize younger voters. In fact, all 38 questions posed in the app chosen by a group of young and first-time voters. “Young people have contributed towards this product, which is aimed at furthering the political education,” Krüger said. “That is what lies at the very core.”

US-Amerika Somehow Behind AfD’s Rising Popularity

August 30, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Advertising, Advertising Companies, AfD, Angela Merkel, Asylum Seekers, Campaigns, Migrants, Political Parties, Refugees, Spiegel Online 3 Comments

Like duh. I suspected it all along. Who else could have possibly been behind it?

After all, as Spiegel Online reports in its inimitable fashion, the advertising company the Alternative for Germany party has now turned to “has worked with Donald Trump.” So there’s no need to read on. We don’t need to know anything more about them.

To assist in its efforts, the party has tapped Kunkel’s contacts to engage the services of advertising professionals in the United States with experience on the right-wing spectrum. The party is working together with the Texas-based agency Harris Media, which recently presented its plans to the AfD’s national committee. With its provocative and aggressive campaigns, the agency has already contributed to the success of a number of controversial politicians. In Britain, it worked with the anti-EU UKIP party; in Israel, it worked with the governing Likud party; and in the United States, news agency Bloomberg has dubbed company founder Vincent Harris “the man who invented the Republican internet.”

“Burkas? We prefer bikinis.”

German Of The Day: Familienzusammenführung

August 29, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Angela Merkel, Asylum Seekers, Courts, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Law, Migrants, Refugees, Syria 2 Comments

That means family reunification. And that is what 390,000 Syrian asylum seekers in Germany have now been granted.

Meaning? Meaning, of course, that 390,000 Syrian families (families, not individuals) still in Syria will now be given asylum in Germany, too (probably to include Cousin It, Uncle Fester und the neighbor’s dog). They will only be staying here temporarily, however. Just like the first wave that organized this second one, see? So it ain’t no big deal or anything. And the German government has money to burn. Or sure seems to.

390 000 Syrer dürfen ihre Familien nachholen.

Do They Have A Marxist-Leninist Animal Protection Party, Too?

August 28, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berln, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Political Parties 1 Comment

They are an endangered species, after all. Maybe not in Berlin. But everywhere else they are – aren’t they?

German political parties are not as boring as you think they are. They are much more boring than you can possibly imagine. But some of them are also just plain wacky. Wacky and boring. It’s a new level of boring. Wacky-boring, I guess. I can’t say if it’s higher or lower but it’s a new level.

Take the V-Partei³, for instance. Please. Voters almost across the board can vote for the V-Partei³ (the V-cubed party) – the party for “Veränderung” (“change” in English), Vegetarians and Vegans. Founded in 2016 at the Veggieworld trade fair in Munich, the party has about 1,200 members. By 2030, they’d like to see all butchers go out of business, true to their motto: “We love life.”

Germany’s election campaign is a snooze—just the way Merkel likes it.

Invite Unilaterally, Distribute Fairly

August 27, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Angela Merkel, Asylum Seekers, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees 3 Comments

No, that is not an election campaign motto, although it sure could be. That, of course, is the well known thought process (for lack of a better term) behind Angela Merkel’s decision to open Germany’s borders to refugees back in 2015.

This thought process was not well thought out, however. To put it mildly. That Germany is located in the center of Europe and thus far away from Europe’s actual southern border, for example, a border which we have now learned does not even exist, is one itsy bitsy problem here.

Countries like Italy and Greece are completely swampted now, of course. This is because countries like Austria took care of Germany’s problem by closing their borders. Now Angela Merkel is calling once again for a fairer distribution of refugees. Like for the eighty-seventh time already. But it is not clear what she means (what part of no don’t you understand?). Does she mean Italy and Greece when she calls for EU countries to show more solidarity in taking in the refugees? Which refugees does she mean? The million or two who made it into Germany before reality made sure legality got switched back on again – or the latest batch?

Using a complex mathematical formula I have just worked out, I would say that the whole thing is an incredibly big ugly mess caused by no one other than the German chancellor and that it is up to Germany now to take care of this problem. But that’s just me. Elections are approaching in Germany and her popularity here is as high as it has ever been. And no, I don’t have a complex mathematical formula to explain that. I am not in that league.

“I would take all the important decisions of 2015 the same way again.”

Many Sides To Blame

August 25, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hate, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hostility, Hurt Feelings Tags: Bans, Far-left Violence, G20, German, Germans, Germany, Linksunten, Radicals, Violence, Websites 2 Comments

What, here in Germany, too? Who would have thought that?

Germany has banned a far-left internet portal accused of inciting violence and rallying activists who rioted during last month’s G20 summit in Hamburg.

How refreshing. Who says you have to always insist on focusing on the negative news reports out there?

“Für radikale gewaltbereite Extremisten ist in Deutschland kein Platz, egal welche Ausrichtung.”

More Balanced Jounalism

August 24, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hype, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Donald Trump, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler, Hitler salute, Journalism, Media, Nazis, Stern 4 Comments

By unbalanced German journalists.

First of all, that is not Lady Diana.

Secondly, it’s against the law to destroy an American flag by putting a big hole like that in the stars part or wherever it is so somebody call the cops already.

And thirdly, I’m no longer in third grade. Although sometimes, when browsing through the covers of German mainstream magazines, I wax nostalgic. Personally, I believe that many sides are to blame for this violence. The violence just done to my intellect, I mean.

Ein “stern”-Cover sorgt für Diskussionen. Zu sehen ist der US-Präsident in Nazi-Pose. Auch der Zentralrat der Juden findet das “geschmacklos.”

Martin Schulz Also To Demand End Of Cold War

August 23, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Humor, Hype, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Martin Schulz, Nuclear weapons, Pandering, SPD Leave a comment

Once he’s elected and has demanded that US-Amerika remove it’s nuclear armaments from German soil. All two or three of them (they’ve already kind of sort of been removed already, see?).

It’s a brave move, as always, but the SPD’s Martin Schulz is known for taking those hard stands. It’s always about principle when it comes to the SPD.

Then, after ending the nuclear arms race and Cold War, he will demand that Germany’s invasion of Poland be nullified, Hitler’s rise to power cancelled and World War 1 be put off indefinetely. If that doesn’t get the vote this guy needs, nothing will.

“Trump wants nuclear armament. We are against this.”

Why Are Germany’s Public Broadcasters Raising Their Mandatory Fee?

August 21, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: ARD, German, Germans, Germany, Media, Propaganda, Public Television, Spending, Waste, ZDF 4 Comments

Because they can.

It will be going up soon enough from 17.50 euros to 21 euros. Whether you even own a TV or not. The excuse this time: They are having trouble cutting costs within the time frame they had promised. There you have it; a state-run monopoly financed with mandatory fees from a public that is never asked if it wants to watch its party line programming or not. I don’t get it, either. How could an institution like that ever have trouble cutting costs?

Bis 2029 sollen die Rundfunkbeiträge von heute 17,50 Euro auf 21 Euro steigen. So jedenfalls wollen es ARD, ZDF und Deutschland-Radio. Und begründen das ausgerechnet damit, ihr Einsparvolumen bis 2024 sonst nicht erreichen zu können.

German Of The Day: Heimaturlaub

August 18, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Asylum Seekers, German, Germans, Germany, Government spending, Language, Migrants, Refugees, Social Democracy, SPD, Vacation 1 Comment

That means home leave. And boy oh boy is Germany ever sticking to its guns on this one. When it comes to being super-mega-ultra strict about paying for asylum seekers’ vacation trips back home, that is.

As German Integrationsbeauftragte (integration commissioner) Aydan Özoguz (SPD) explains, Germany doesn’t foot the bill for just any asylum seeker. They have to be Ausnahmefällen (exceptional cases) before the German tax payer will be asked to send them on an all expenses paid flight back home – and back again.

Someone’s mother dying would be such an exceptional case, for instance. Anybody’s mother (it doesn’t have to be your own). Or maybe your ex-neighbor’s dog is suffering for an ingrown toenail. Or maybe you forgot to bring your favorite bowling ball with you when you were on the run and now you have the urgent need to go pick it up. For integration purposes, of course. You know, exceptional cases like that.

I’m not making this up, people. Not all of it anyway.

“Es kann gewichtige Gründe geben, warum ein anerkannter Flüchtling für kurze Zeit in seine Heimat reisen will.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Helplessness