Climate Activists Unable To Curtail Their Toxic Emissions After Latest Failed Climate Talks

Mad as hell about the latest failed United Nations climate talks held at Doha (that’s number 18 now, I believe), climate activists and environmentalists everywhere have begun emitting huge amounts of angry hot air in a desperate attempt to vent their frantic frustration at this latest “betrayal” to, uh, reality.

Doha

Cursing, wailing, spitting and hissing sounds have been registered all over our globally warmed up globe, punctuated by regular reports of urgent pouting and stomping noises.

One group of activists is open to reason, however, having pledged instead to collectively hold their breaths until turning blue in the face together.

“It has long been evident that the United Nations talks were at best a partial solution to the planetary climate change problem, and at worst an expensive sideshow.”

PS: Thanks for the way cool CO2 gas mask link, A.K.

Do They Still Hold These Things?

Other than being “disappointed with Obama” at the latest climate talks in, uh, hell if I know where, German journalist/climate scientist types have determined that there’s been “no progress after 18 rounds.”

Climate activists are deeply frustrated. This is the 18th Doha summit, and no progress has been made on a single decisive question. Since EU member states have shown themselves to be at odds since the very beginning of the conference, they are not playing a major leadership role.

Yuppie Scum Need Not Apply

What would you do if hords of uninvited strangers suddenly started pouring into your city for temporary visits in order to pump boatloads of money into your local economy? What would you do if affluent and upwardly mobile young expats moved into your neighborhood(s) and started opening businesses, buying homes and increasing the property values there?

Gentrification here? Nein, danke!

Why you’d freak the hell out and demand that they get the freak out of Dodge by sundown, wouldn’t you? Oh, you wouldn’t? Then you’re not German. Worse still: You don’t live in Berlin and you’re not a Berliner, either.

Viva the Hipster Antifa Neukölln or something.

“The anti-foreigner thing started as a bit of a joke but now it is much more serious. This is critical, it is sneaking into mainstream thinking – it’s almost being perceived as normal to dislike tourists.”

Death By Continuous Sex?

Remember that story about the nymphomaniac lady and that DJ whimp?

Todesursache Dauer-Sex?

Well I guess she finally had one sexual adventure too many. After yet another night of wild Ausschweifung (debauchery), the guy who woke up next to her this time couldn’t get her to do the same (next to him).

Hey, at least she died with her boots on, so-to-speak.

Antje C. (47) zog häufig durch die Kneipen, immer auf der Suche nach dem nächsten Erotik-Kick.

How Shocking

Or something. 30 protesters stormed the grounds of the Iranian mission in Berlin Dahlem and pelted the building with stones and paint and stuff.

Uebergriff auf Iranische Botschaft in Berlin

Uh, so what’s the problem with that, Guido? It’s not like they’re going to be taking hostages are anything.

“Just as we expect other states to provide adequate protection for our embassies, so we must ensure German authorities are doing everything possible to protect diplomatic missions.”

 

Europe Speaking With One Voice Again

Not.  Ho hum. Been there, done that.

Ahead of the United Nations vote that is set to recognize a Palestinian state, Germany has announced it will abstain.

Having strong European support strengthens the Palestinian bid for recognition in the face of US resistance, and they have likely found it in Austria, Denmark, Norway, Finland, France, Greece, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Malta, Portugal, Spain and Switzerland. Meanwhile the Czech Republic and the Netherlands appear to be leaning toward a “no” vote, while Britain could abstain along with Germany.

So in case you were wondering, European unity never was, is or will be a possibility.

“The German government has, through its own tactical maneuvering, failed to come to an understanding with its partners. This will further diminish the weight of Europe in the Middle East.”

Google Now Evil Panic Mongering And Cheap Propaganda Machine Or Something

German lawmakers were clearly shocked upon learning that Google would not be warmly welcoming their proposed legislation to let publishers charge search engines for displaying newspaper articles.

The search engine giant has reacted instead by initiating a campaign to mobilise public opinion against the proposed bill and calling for the public to “defend your web,” a company spokesman noting: “An ancillary copyright means less information for consumers and higher costs for companies.”

German Justice Minister Sabine Leutheusser-Schnarrenberger said that she for one was astonished that Google was trying to monopolise opinion-making. “Why, that’s our job,” she might have said.

“The campaign initiated by Google is cheap propaganda.”

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Warum das Leistungsschutzrecht keine gute Idee ist:

Generell sehen die Forscher die Gefahr, dass auf deutsche Presseprodukte gar nicht mehr verlinkt werde, „jedenfalls nicht unter Verwendung von Snippets, die für effiziente Internetrecherchen jedoch elementar sind“. Sie warnen in ihrem Schreiben, das namhafte Urheberrechts- und Medienrechtsexperten unterstützen, vor negativen Folgen für die deutsche Volkswirtschaft. Ihre Schlussfolgerung: „Gesamthaft betrachtet scheint der Regierungsentwurf nicht durchdacht. Er lässt sich auch durch kein sachliches Argument rechtfertigen.“

The N-Word

You know, it starts with an n and ends with an r*? Do not even think about using it over here in Germany these days, people. Not that you would even want to or anything, even if you could. I’m just sayin’.

Why is this the case? I’ll tell you why. Because everybody’s all touchy these days. German power grids are less stable than they ought to be and nobody wants to address the reason why that is. Folks have gotten all sensitive and defensive because, well, because of that “power networks more unstable since n-word drop-out” thing.  And no, I didn’t think up that subtitle. I’m just quoting it, sort of. Civilized folks don’t use the n-word. And I ain’t a-gonna use it either.

Kritisch werden könnte es nach Auffassung von Fachleuten generell vor allem in Süddeutschland, wo der Strom der abgeschalteten Atomkraftwerke fehlt.

* “Nuclear”

Pimp My Sheep?

She’s not baaaad and all, but this is so weird it’s… Well, I don’t even know how weird this is anymore, to tell you the truth.

Germany is about to ban sex with animals, including the “pimping” of farm animals for sex.

Lobbyist Michael Kiok, who lives with his dog Cassie, told the newspaper there were more than 100,000 zoophiles in Germany.

“Mere morals have no place in law,” he said.

We Ain’t No Fools

It’s either all or nothing when you’re the SPD and it comes to German tax evaders with Swiss bank accounts. So, uh, we’ll take nothing.

It has to do with principle or something. Rejecting the deal that would have allowed Germans with “undeclared assets in Switzerland to avoid punishment by making a one-off payment” was absolutely essential for Germany’s opposition Social Democrats. Because, well, because why was that again? Oh yeah, now I remember. Because by passing the Swiss tax deal, the Genossen (comrades) explain, this would have made “honest taxpayers feel like fools.”

So now the honest taxpayers the SPD is so concerned about lose out on roughly 180-200bn euros that they will have come up with themselves (because the SPD would never in their wildest dreams ever even consider cutting spending – reducing taxes – on the other side of the equation). But at least they won’t have to feel like they’re fools while doing so.

“The German upper house has missed a major opportunity to reach a fair, optimum and sustainable solution for all parties to definitively settle the bilateral tax issues.”