Vote For Us And We’ll Raise Your Taxes (As In Their Taxes)

Ever feel like you fell down the rabbit hole? Spend some time in Germany and then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Equality

Only in Germany can a political party go for (and actually get) votes by promising to raise taxes.

Delegates at a Greens party convention in Berlin yesterday voted through plans to raise the top rate of income tax to 49 percent for those earning 80,000 euros ($104,000) a year or more, and to 45 percent from 42 percent above 60,000 euros. They also backed a “wealth levy” on the richest to pay down 100 billion euros of Germany’s state debt over 10 years.

And a whole lot of German voters actually get excited about this kind of nonsense. It’s often a zero-sum mentality game over here, you see. You know, the way of thinking that hinges on the notion that there must be one winner and one loser and for every gain there is a loss? Take from the rich and give to the poor, in other words. Or Umverteilung (redistribution), if you prefer.

Of course what the Green Shirts are actually doing is selling “equality” where there is a huge demand and buying Neid (envy) where there is an even bigger supply.

“Nirgendwo in der OECD ist die Ungleichheit so schnell gestiegen wie in Deutschland.”

The Richard Wagner Bicentennial Jubilee Fun Time Celebration Bash Is Well Underway

But the Partystimmung (party atmosphere) can be a little problematic at times.

Wagner

How do you celebrate the bicentenary of a great composer who also happened to be an anti-Semite, who posthumously inspired Hitler, and whose works featured prominently in the cultural life of the Third Reich?

That’s easy, really. You do what you’ve got to do with Wagner (if you’re a Wagner fan or a German unable to ignore him). As Friedrich Nietzsche said 125 years ago: “The Germans have cooked up a Wagner whom they can honor. And they are thankful for being able to misunderstand him.”

And as Woody Allen said quite some time later: “I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

“Die Deutschen haben sich einen Wagner zurechtgemacht, den sie verehren können: … sie sind damit dankbar, dass sie missverstehn.”

 

Five-Year-Old-Sex-Education, German Style

Or Berlin style, I should say.

Sex-Education

German school children as young as five were given a sex-education book giving graphic advice on how to put on a condom and how to achieve orgasms.

According to Spiegel Online, the school in the Kreuzberg area of Berlin did not initially respond to parents’ complaints.

It was only when the local press got wind of the controversy and complaints were made to the city’s governing body, the Berlin Senate, that anything was done.

Damn. Berlin city government just can’t stop rocking these days.

“When it’s so good that it can’t get any better, Lisa and Lars have an orgasm.”

This Was Not Planned So It Cannot Be Happening

Or will not be happening, I should say.

Fracking

As you know, Germany is green. And Germans are greener than green. Why, Germans are so green that Jamaicans want to roll them up and smoke them.

And Germans also like sticking to “the plan,” too (think Stalingrad). So they do not, I repeat do not appreciate it when, as in this case, their ambitious environmental plans get disturbed by unforseen technological developments that were not considered in the original plan and therefore start turning the whole Schlamassel (mess) into a really, really big and annoying, well, Schlamassel (think Stalingrad again).

It goes like this: “Ambitious environmental goals are far less meaningful if the economy withers in achieving them.” So when something really tempting comes along like shale gas drilling (hydraulic fracturing or “fracking”), a technology that could give Germany access to enough reserves to feed natural gas demand for 20 years, then that gets not-so-thoroughly-green people (yes, there still are a few specimens left) to thinking, plan or not.

So there we have it. And that’s the end of it (ask any German Green Shirt). Fracking can’t happen here. It is ideologically inadmissable. Fracking is something that those crazy Americans and their evil multi-national oil companies do, not us (multi-national oil companies are always American, by the way – don’t ask). Nope, fracking can never happen here. Never in a million years. Not this year anyway.

“We are sitting on Swiss cheese. The risks are just too high.”

Germany Honestly Not Seeking Hegemony In Europe I Swear

German Chancellor Angela Merkel rejected again today claims that her country was seeking hegemony in the European Union.

Hegemony

“We already are the largest economy in Europe,” she might have said. “Like, by a long shot. So why on earth would we want to do that? All we want to do is just keep exercising our predominant influence over all those other namby-pamby nations around us and with time, through peaceful terms and non-aggression, achieve world, I mean, total European domination.”

“Germany has a sometimes complicated role,” she actually said. “Because we are the largest economy – we are not the richest, but we are the largest. Therefore Germany will only act together with the others – hegemony is totally foreign to me.”

Guy Paid To Warn Germans About Too Much Video Surveillance Warns Germans About Too Much Video Surveillance

This guy and millions of other Germans, too (although they don’t get paid and therefore do it for free).

Video

Datenschutzbeauftragten (data protection officers) are just that way over here, whether they’re Datenschutzbeauftragten or not.

It doesn’t matter that most of this video surveillance might be taking place for a reasonable reason (like crime prevention/fighting – think Boston Marathon), there is clearly a pathological fear of being watched in play over here (and not just over here, either). It’s a sign of the times, I guess. I know. It’s only paranoia (but I like it).

Oh. This suddenly reminded me of some old lyrics (sort of) to Frank Zappa’s Didja Get Any Onya?

…Years ago in Germany when I was a very small boy, zere was a lot of people standing around on ze corners asking questions: “Why are you standing on ze corner, acting ze way you act, looking like you look? WHY DO YOU LOOK THAT WAY?” And they ask me and I only would say: “I don’t . . . I don’t know, I’m just standing ’round ze corner waiting here . . . just in . . . in ze evening, and . . . and it’s so nice outside . . . the night is so nice . . . why . . . are you just asking these questions . . . ”

“Offenbar scheint eine notorische Neigung zu bestehen, Nachbarn zu überwachen. Und eine pathologische Befürchtung, überwacht zu werden.”

Peace-Loving And Moral German Soldiers Leaving Afghanistan

And they’ll be leaving behind some 1,700 Afghan employees in the process. Employees that the Taliban has threatened to kill as collaborators.

Afghanistan

Germany benefited from its Afghan helpers for years, and now the Afghans are waiting for Germany to help them.

Other ISAF countries, like the United States, Canada and New Zealand, have set up generous programs for local personnel and their families. France decided to accept about 170 of its Afghan employees into the country. But the German government refuses to implement a collective solution.

“We sold off our lives for a few thousand dollars. If only I had worked for the Americans.”

Ausgeliefert

As in being at the mercy of.

Ausgeliefert

Everbody agrees that big American hi-tech companies are fundamentally evil, right? Well they do here in Germany. In Germany’s state-run media, I should say (they actually call these channels “public-service broadcasters” here because that sounds better).

Anyways, the latest greatest twist to the anti-Google/Facebook/Apple/Microsoft/Amazon agitpop over at the ARD is breaking new ground (or maybe it isn’t) by unabashedly inventing witnesses and working/living conditions in one of Amazon’s German plants in a scarry documentary about that horrible company called Ausgeliefert – and all of this while using the generous funding provided by the compulsory charge every German household has to pay to support objective “public-service broadcasters” like these, of course.

Germans have to pay this charge now whether they even own a television or not, by the way. Hmmm. The ARD called their documentary Ausgeliefert (as in being at the mercy of Amazon), and that’s something every German knows about personally already. Being at the mercy of the ARD like they are, I mean.

Dort, gezeigt wurde das in einer angeblichen E-Mail, würden Menschen “abgefüttert wie die Schweine”, hieß es. Eine Behauptung, der CoCo von Anfang an widersprochen hat und nun vor Gericht zunächst Recht bekam. Der besagte Speiseraum existiere gar nicht, so das Unternehmen: “Das ist schlicht eine Erfindung der ARD-Journalisten, gegen die wir auch juristisch vorgehen.”

Der HR hat bereits vor der Gerichtsentscheidung bestätigt und eingestanden, dass der strittige Screenshot der E-Mail “fingiert” gewesen sei. Zudem musste der Hessische Rundfunk über seine Rechtsabteilung zugeben, dass auch eine im Film porträtierte polnische Leiharbeiterin namens Agnieszka Lewandowska “niemals als Leiharbeiterin bei Amazon beschäftigt war.”

Quatsch

Nonsense, Berliner SPD politicians insist, when it comes to the persistent rumor around town these days that Klaus Wowereit has finally had enough and is willing to make everybody happy and resign already for cryin’ out load.

Klaus

I would accept this explanation if it weren’t for the fact that they are also saying things like „absoluter Quatsch,“ „eine Quatsch-Debatte,“ „wirklich Quatsch“ and „auch das ist Quatsch,“ too.

Ja, eine „Quatsch-Debatte“ sei das, dass der Regierende Bürgermeister, wie es in der Boulevardzeitung BZ zu lesen war, keine Lust mehr aufs Regieren habe und angesichts mieser Umfragen und ebensolcher Aussichten plane, noch vor der Sommerpause seinen Rücktritt bekannt zu geben.