Boris Johnson then added that “the French and German failure to get our jokes was a reason to vote Leave” the European Union (Brexit).
“There is simply no common political culture in Europe; no common media, no common sense of humour or satire and – this is important – no awareness of each other’s politics,” he said.
Dammit, that makes sense! Or at least I think it does.
“No, I don’t believe that leaving the EU would cause World War Three to break out on the European continent.”
That means handcarts. Handcarts filled with beer.
And if a handcart isn’t available on German Father’s Day (Ascension Day) then you can always use a baby buggy or a shopping cart to put your booze in.
Es ist kompliziert. Warum aus Christi Himmelfahrt auch der Vater- und Herrentag geworden ist, lässt sich nicht mehr so recht nachvollziehen. Es wird spekuliert, dass die Prozession der Jünger Jesu zu einem Berg als Vorbild für die Männer mit Bollerwagen dienten.
Germany will legalise medical cannabis in early 2017.
Now the government just has to figure out how to grow the stuff – The ultimate goal of German health authorities is to grow medical marijuana on German soil at specially approved sites.
It is a high art, after all. And knowing how our half-baked buds in government regularly blow things sky high, the whole thing might just end up going to pot. I bet you it’s going to toke them forever to sucseed, in other words.
Um die Versorgung mit Cannabis in kontrollierter Qualität sicherzustellen, will die Regierung den Anbau der Droge zu medizinischen Zwecken unter staatlicher Kontrolle ermöglichen. Über den Anbau wacht das Bundesinstitut für Arzneimittel und Medizinprodukte.
So like what force in the universe could possibly stand in its way? Or even want to. Honey, where’s our white flag?
British Brexit campaigners have been boosted with news from Berlin that Germany is once more pushing for an EU army encompassing all 28 member states with a joint HQ and shared military planning.
Along with judicial, tax and immigration issues, a Euro army has for long been one of the main irritants of anti-EU campaigners.
“German security policy has relevance — also for beyond our country. Germany is willing to join early, decisively and substantially as a driving force in international debates … to take responsibility and assume leadership.”
You have to shell out $85 a week at Rent-a-Huhn just for five lousy chickens, for instance.
Bee-Rent will set you back nearly $200 a month for your bee box. And I wouldn’t even want to tell you what renting out a rabbit companion for your rabbit costs. Not even if I knew, I mean.
Farm living is the life for me (not).
“The hens are very relaxed when I pick them up again – and so are the customers, who are often sad to see their feathery friends leave.”
In another electrifying example of tax dollar waste (or in this case tax euro waste), Angela Merkel’s government has just made a deal with automakers to spend some 1.2 billion euros on incentives to boost sluggish electric car sales in Germany.
“The goal is to move forward as quickly as possible on electric vehicles,” one high-ranking government official said while attaching the electrodes to the German nation’s sweaty forehead. “With this, we are giving an impetus.”
And if that first shock doesn’t work, who cares? This is renewable energy they’re using here, folks.
Just over 30,000 electric vehicles, which are more expensive than conventional models, have been sold in Germany. That’s a tiny fraction of the more than 3 million cars bought each year in a country which has historically leaned on diesel technology to reduce carbon-dioxide emissions.
And take those dopey google-goggle thingies with you when you go.
And don’t let the virtually real door hit you on your way out.
And no tongues.
Buy American, buy German – auf der Hannover Messe frotzeln Merkel und Obama miteinander. Die Regierungschefs wissen, dass sich die Unternehmen ihrer Länder einen harten Kampf um Absatzmärkte liefern.
I mean UFO as in Unimpeded Falling Object, by the way.
And first reports indicate that these eerie, extraterrestrial vehicles appear to be American made. I got your Area 51 for you right here, pal.
Wenn Autos vom Himmel regnen, dann hat man entweder Drogen genommen, oder man befindet sich offenbar auf dem Truppenübungsplatz in Hohenfels.
That means a slight or an insult against a sovereign majesty-type person (lèse majesté).
You know, the crime German comedian Jan Böhmermann recently committed against the Top Sultan What’s in Charge in Turkey? In the year 2016, I mean?
Anyways, this law, paragraph 103, is still on the books here in Germany and Hamburg’s justice minister has decided to go way out on the limb here and give it a shot and see if he could maybe sort of like get rid of this ridiculous piece of legislation already. It would be a big step forward into the unknown and all that, of course, but I, for one, am convinced that German civilization will be able to handle it.
Die Justizbehörde geht davon aus, dass das Gesetz noch vor der Sommerpause gestrichen werden könnte und das Verfahren gegen Böhmermann dann eingestellt werden müsste. Davon unberührt blieben jedoch Ermittlungen gegen Böhmermann wegen Beleidigung nach Paragraf 185 Strafgesetzbuch.
Get it? Nation?
And you thought you had it bad where you live (and of course you do) but here in Germany one out of every three Germans gets discriminated against regularly.
That’s right. Germans just don’t like Germans and they refuse to treat them fairly. They treat them like second-class citizens, which, in a way, well, they are. But so are the other two-thirds so why just pick them out to be treated like Dreck (dirt) like that? It just ain’t fair.
And the latest numbers (see the graph in the article) show that Germans get treated like Dreck whether it is at work or at play or while shopping or over at the courthouse or in the hospital or at school or in the media or even on the Internet. Like right here, for example. They just don’t get no respect.
But don’t worry because these Germans have had it up to here and are now going to start taking each and every one of each other to court about this, without discrimination. I mean indiscriminately.
“Es muss endlich möglich sein, Betroffene vor Gericht effektiv zu unterstützen – wie es in vielen anderen europäischen Ländern längst möglich ist.”
Observing Hermann 