Germany Reassures NATO Partners It Will Continue To Miss Defense Spending Goals

Worried that the German government’s tax revenues are likely to decrease in coming years due to a slowing economy, German defense officials were quick to explain to their NATO partners that this will have absolutely no effect on the country’s continued failure to increase defense expenditures.

Defens

“Whether tax revenues increase or not is really not the issue here,” these officials stressed. “We have absolutely no intention of raising our defense spending under any circumstances. We do this to ensure that our NATO partners will be able to plan effectively for future increased defense spending on their part and thus continue to protect us as they have done so in the past, pretty much free of charge. For us, anyway. But still.”

“We have time until the end of March. Let us negotiate.”

Well, This Is A Fine Super-State You’ve Got Us Into

Brexit has been going on a long time before Brexit ever came along. For good reason.

Brexit

Germany planted the seeds of destruction…

Although the form of the British exit from the EU is often presented as a reductionist binary choice — “a no-deal exit” or “a deal the U.K. and the EU can live with” — London has in effect restated the fundamental question of what is a European project: A Europe of sovereign nation states, or a federal European super-state.

Brexit is a revolt against a German-run European super-state.

German Of The Day: Antidemokratisch

That means antidemocratic.

Quotas

Women in Germany won the right to vote in 1918, but a century later they still do not enjoy equal representation. Though the country is led by a woman — who will, most likely, be succeeded by another woman — fewer than a third of the members of the federal Parliament, the Bundestag, are female.

That’s why leading figures from all major German parties are now calling for parity: a 50-50 quota for male and female representatives in the Bundestag and the 16 state-level Parliaments. But is achieving a gender balance in Germany’s legislatures worth weakening another hard-fought accomplishment, the right to free electoral choice?

In a word, no.

Der gute Zweck heiligt nicht den Zwang.

This Is A Bad Hair Day

For hair everywhere. Especially in the Bundeswehr. German court rules goth soldier must get a hair cut.

Goth

Sorry, pal. But a man’s goth to do what he’s goth to do. At least those cute Bundeswehr chicks goth off the hook…

The soldier, a member of Germany’s Gothic scene who wants to wear his hair long, considered the armed services law discriminatory because it allows women to wear long hair, but not men.

Men in previous ages wore their hair long, argued the 51-year-old who works in the defense ministry in Bonn. He said ancient, long-haired warriors were thought to have a particular masculinity, so he did not understand why only women were currently allowed to wear their hair long.

“Fashionable hairstyles are allowed, provided they are not particularly conspicuous in cut or shape, such as mohawk, ornamental or sidecuts.”

Speaking Of Mangelhaft…

As reported yesterday, the guy in charge of inspecting the Bundeswehr has given it yet another inadequate (mangelhaft) rating.

Steinmeier

Now the President of Germany himself, that guy up there, forget his name, can  personally confirm this. He is currently gestrandet (stranded) in Ethiopia after making a state visit because his Bundeswehr One or whatever the hell they call it is, well, she is broken.

Anybody know anybody passing through Ethiopia the next few days who might be willing to pick up the President of Germany and bring him to the nearest bus station or something?

Die Unglücksserie bei den deutschen Regierungsfliegern reißt nicht ab. Nach Entwicklungsminister Müller sitzt nun auch Bundespräsident Steinmeier zeitweise in Afrika fest. Ein Defekt an seiner Airbus-Maschine muss erst noch repariert werden.

German Of The Day: Mangelhaft

That means inadequate.

Mangelhaft

And that’s what Germany’s Wehrbeauftragter (Defense Commissioner) has to say about the conditions of Germany’s Bundeswehr. It’s still inadequate. I know this isn’t news or anything but it’s a cool word, don’t you think?

Funny, the Bundeswehr has been inadequate for as long as anyone can remember. At what point can you safely conclude that this inadequacy is intentional?

“Die Lage der Bundeswehr als „nach wie vor mangelhaft.”

Don’t They Know That Walls Don’t Work?

Denmark’s agriculture ministry Monday announced that the government has started to construct a fence along the border with Germany to keep wild boar from entering the country.

Boars

Once completed — which should be done by the fall of this year — the Danish fence could stretch for nearly 70 kilometers.

Germany, more advanced in matters like this, would never dream of putting up a wall on it’s border.

“We have 11 billion good reasons to do everything we can to prevent African swine fever reaching Denmark.”

Exit? What Exit?

What Angela Merkel’s exit means for Germany — and Europe.

Merkel

Hilarious! Merkel’s announcement comes at a pivotal time when nationalism is on the rise in Europe and the continent is still reeling from the 2015 migrant crisis.

Whah? Huh? She caused the 2015 migrant crisis. She is therefore directly responsible for this rise in nationalism you are so concerned about. And she ain’t going nowhere, either. She’s already hand-picked her Mini-MErkel to take the reins should anyone ever figure out how to get her to actually go away (other than at gunpoint).

All I can say is… German oddity 5. Young adults in Germany have never known a chancellor other than Angela Merkel. She has been in office since 2005. It’s time to go. It’s been time to go for quite some time now even. Geh mit Gott (go with God) but go. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Even I Can See That These Are Fakes

A. HitPer? Never heard of him.

Hitper

Three watercolour paintings attributed to the former Nazi leader Adolf Hitler have been seized by German police.

The works were up for sale at the Kloss auction house in Berlin, but taken on suspicions of forgery, police say.

“Wir verwahren uns mit aller Entschiedenheit dagegen, dass uns von unberufener Seite eine Nähe zum nationalsozialistischen Gedankengut allein deswegen unterstellt wird, weil wir – ähnlich wie andere Auktionshäuser weltweit, gerade auch in Deutschland – Gegenstände aus dem Nachlass Hitlers versteigern.”

Germans Recycle Their Plastic, Right?

And this makes them feel good about themselves. They do it for the environment, you see. Their environment, it turns out. Because when all their plastic finally gets processed in their big plastic recycle machine thingy or whatever the hell it is, most of it has somehow ended up in… Souutheast Asia. It’s magic.

Plastic

Officially, the country’s recycling rate is 36 percent. But critics say this number is far from the ugly truth. A new packaging law even states that by 2022, 63 percent of all plastic waste should be recycled. But Peter Kurth, director of the Association of German Disposal-, Water- and Resource-Economy (BDE), said he considers this number utopian…

What cannot be economically recycled usually finds its way to the incinerator, for example in plants in the chemical or cement industries, Kurth said, where burning plastic becomes a substitute fuel for oil and gas. But there is more plastic waste than all cement and chemical plants in Germany need. Kurth said what is not sold to customers in Germany is sold to Asia.

“While Germans are world champions of trash separation, not everything they toss into the yellow bin reserved for plastic packaging gets recycled. It is often incinerated. Statistics show that only 15 percent will actually be reused.”