I Don’t Speak Your Body Language

Or, better yet, German of the day: Über den Tisch ziehen.

G7

That means “pull over the table,” as in to get pulled over the barrel or bamboozled.

Body Language 2

Recall back in 2015, almost three years ago to the day, when Merkel, with outstretched arms, stood before President Obama, seated on a bench at that year’s Group of 7 summit.

Sein Verhältnis zur deutschen Bundeskanzlerin beschrieb Donald Trump mit dem Vokabular des Preisrichters bei einem Schönheitswettbewerb: Auf einer Punkteskala von 1 bis 10 gebe er der Beziehung zu “Angela und Emmanuel und Justin” die Bestnote, sagte der US-Präsident am Samstag vor seiner Abreise vom G7-Gipfel in La Malbaie mit Blick auf Merkel und ihre französischen und kanadischen Amtskollegen Macron und Trudeau.

Germany Preparing Itself To Lose The Next “Illegal” War

A Vicious Cycle – Berlin Worried about Losing Trump’s Trade War.

War

The U.S. has followed through with its threat to impose punitive tariffs on European steel and aluminum and the signs are pointing to a global trade war. The German government is doing what it can to prevent harm to its automobile industry.

… The German automotive industry would also be hard hit by a possible trade war with the U.S., where the most cars are sold in the world after China. German carmakers export around a half-million vehicles to the U.S. each year — particularly the kinds of expensive sedans that have been a thorn in Trump’s side for decades. If punitive tariffs are imposed, carmakers would likely have no choice but to react with higher prices and thus risk a decline in sales. VW subsidiary Porsche is especially at risk. Although the company sells almost a quarter of its vehicles in the country, it does not operate any factories of its own in the U.S.

“Germany stands to lose most.”

Remember This Guy?

Martin Schmidt? Or was it Meier? Müller? … Schlitz?

Schulz

Anyway, he’s back again or something. For a few seconds. Now that his fifteen minutes are up, I mean.

He and his comrades over at the SPD are mad as hell at US-Amerika‘s new Ambassador, Richard Grenell, because of, well, “perceived breaches of diplomatic etiquette” (how diplomatic).

He said in a recent Breitbart interview, for instance (Breitbart is a German news service, Breitbart meaning “wide beard” in our language), that he wanted to empower conservative forces throughout Europe. I know, right? And then he did this and then he said that and yada, yada, yada and now everyone on the left (and that’s a whole lot over here) is completely outraged because, well, it’s a slow news day/week/month so it’s time to call for somebody to fire his red, white and blue ass. If it wasn’t for outrage they wouldn’t have no rage at all.

“I think there is a groundswell of conservative policies that are taking hold because of the failed policies of the left.”

“Ich hoffe, dass der Kurz-Besuch zu einem Kurz-Aufenthalt von Herrn Grenell in seiner Funktion als Botschafter in Deutschland führt.”

Trump To Follow Germany’s Lead

After Germany introduced a ban on German vehicles in the city of Hamburg today, President Donald Trump has announced plans to do the same in US-Amerika, as well. Sort of.

Trump

A report that U.S. President Donald Trump has threatened to pursue German carmakers until there are no Mercedes-Benz rolling down New York’s Fifth Avenue dented shares in the luxury car manufacturers on Thursday.

An excerpt from German magazine Wirtschaftswoche’s article, which cited several unnamed European and U.S. diplomats but did not include any direct quotes, could not be independently verified, while a United States Embassy spokesman in Berlin referred questions to Washington.

The news and current affairs magazine said Trump had told French President Emmanuel Macron in April that he aimed to push German carmakers out of the United States altogether. Macron’s administration in Paris declined to comment on the report.

Eine harte Antwort wäre für die deutsche Wirtschaft riskant: US-Präsident Trump hat neben den Metall-Zöllen auch Zölle auf ausländische Autos ins Spiel gebracht.

Poland Gets It

The U.S. doesn’t stand to lose anything by accepting Poland’s generous proposal and gradually relocating troops there from Germany. A move of this kind would be consistent with stated U.S. goals, such as deterring Russia. It would also allow the U.S. to support an ally eager for closer military ties.

Poland

It might also force Germany to give more thought to its position. Would it feel unprotected with a smaller U.S. presence? Would it, perhaps, be motivated to enhance its own defense? Or would it still be secure in its apparent conviction that no one is interested in attacking it?

The U.S. should offer protection to the countries that want it most, and reduce its involvement with nations that benefited in the mid-20th century. The American military presence should be aligned with its allies’ sense of being threatened. This anxiety gets stronger the closer a country is to Russia’s borders. Ignoring that makes little military or political sense.

Hard As Jello-O

This guy is. When it comes to Germany’s dealings with Russia. He’s making Vlad Putin shake in his boots as we speak or something.

Maas

And that’s why his comrades over at the SPD are expressing their irritation over Foreign Minister Heiko Maas’ “harsh criticism of Moscow” these days. Harsh criticism of Moscow? From Germany? From the SPD? I must have slept right through that.

Since taking over the reigns of the Foreign Ministry some 10 weeks ago, Maas has accused Moscow of “increasingly hostile behavior,” particularly over its actions in Syria where it continues to prop up the regime of Syrian President Bashar Assad.

Maas was also quick to point the finger at Moscow for alleged interference in western elections, last year’s cyber attack on the German government’s computer network, and the poison attack on ex-spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia in Salisbury, England.

But a Russia hardliner from the SPD? Let’s get real. That would be like Gazprom Gerd climbing into to bed with somebody in the White House.

PS: You’ll always find the people who stand for something somewhere else.

Memorial Day

Speaking Of Corruption…

As far as I can tell, there isn’t a German automobile company that isn’t involved in emissions manipulation. Or maybe this is just another misunderstanding/accident kind of thing again.

Daimler

Remember when Germany used to have a clean image? Me, neither. It has been a while now, hasn’t it?

Daimler faces a recall order for more than 600,000 diesel-engine vehicles including C-Class and G-Class models because of suspected emissions manipulation, German magazine Der Spiegel reported on Friday.

Auch Daimler soll bei Diesel-Pkw bei den Abgaswerten getrickst haben. Das Kraftfahrt-Bundesamt könnte einen Rückruf von über einer halben Millionen Autos anordnen.

German Of The Day: Vorschriften

That means regulations. You know, like the regulations that were “intentionally” ignored 97% of the time while asylum requests were being processed at the BAMF in Bremen?

BAMF

So much for German efficiency, again. And chalk one up to German corruption, while we’re at it. Again.

Larry the lawyer and his other lawyer buddies must be having a real heyday up there. By the way, how can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.

Anwälte bekamen 97 Prozent ihrer Asylfälle anerkannt.

German Of The Day: BAMF

That stands for Bundesamt für Migration und Flüchtlinge, which means the Federal Office for Migration and Refugees. It turns out they should have translated that as the Bureau for Asylum and Migrant Fraud, however.

BAMF

This is one of those tip of the iceberg stories, folks. Employees at Bremen’s BAMF have been accused of improperly granting asylum in 1,200 cases between 2013 and 2017 and now an investigation has been launched in which 18,000 additional successful asylum applications will be reviewed. In the meantime irregularities at other BAMF offices have come to light.

Internal email correspondence at the Bremen office has emerged in which an upper-level manager appears to be aware of this systemic problem but asks that an internal investigation be carried out in a “noiseless” manner.  Nor should “everything be examined down to the last detail.”

Same old same old, isn’t it? We’re from the government and we’re here to help.

Angeschrieben wegen möglicher Unregelmäßigkeiten in den Bremer Asylverfahren, habe der zuständige Abteilungsleiter des Bundesamts im Februar 2017 zwar eine Prüfung angeordnet, zugleich aber verfügt, dass diese „geräuschlos“ geschehen solle. Er wolle nicht, heiße es in seiner E-Mail, „dass alles bis ins Detail geprüft wird.”

All Good Clean Fun, Right?

Nothing at all, I dunno, creepy or anything here.

Eurovision

Germany’s new anti-Semitism commissioner says a leading newspaper crossed a “red line” with a caricature of Benjamin Netanyahu portraying the Israeli Prime Minister with oversized lips, ears and nose.

Felix Klein, who was appointed this year amid concerns over rising anti-Semitism, told the Bild newspaper on Thursday that Tuesday’s cartoon in Munich’s Sueddeutsche Zeitung* in the aftermath of the U.S. decision to move its embassy in Israel to Jerusalem recalled “the intolerable depictions of Nazi propaganda.”

The drawing depicts Netanyahu dressed as Israeli singer Netta Barzilai, who won this year’s Eurovision song contest. The heart that forms the “v” in Eurovision is replaced with a Star of David and Netanyahu is hoisting a missile in his hand, saying “next year in Jerusalem.”

Sueddeutsche Zeitung has apologized for the caricature.

* The editorial stance of the newspaper is liberal and generally of center-left.