German Solar Energy Industry Tanks, German Tanks Don’t

June 17, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hi-tech, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Arms exports, China, Energy, Energy Turnaround, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Imports, Renewable energy, Satire, Saudi Arabia, Solar energy, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

Unable to compete in the global market without the subsidy drug, state-ordained “energy turnaround” or not, Germany’s solar energy industry is getting eaten alive by cheap Chinese imports as we speak, so-to-speak.

“Ah, screw it,” German industrialists elsewhere in the country say to that. “We’ll just keep making a killing producing what we’ve always produced best: War technology. Tanks, Saudi Arabia!”

“But it’s not like we don’t continue to support the Arab Spring or anything,” another tankful German industrialist added ruefully.

German paper says Saudis want 600-800 tanks.

What Do Sinking South Pacific Islands Have To Do With Germany?

June 15, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, Environmental Terror, Fear Mongering, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Humor, Satire, The Green Shirts Leave a comment

Nothing. Other than “tectonic shifts” made me think of “Teutonic shifts” (which don’t happen nearly as regularly). And this article I’m writing about was originally in German and published on Spiegel Online. And of course that Germans are all so terribly concerned about how South Pacific islands are sinking due the disastrous effects of rising sea levels caused by climate change.

Or are they?

And I also just felt like pondering hype and hysteria again, so popular here and everywhere else around the world and how folks just want and need to be scared and alarmed and in crisis mode all the time even when (especially when?) they don’t need to be. Anyways, said article starts off like this:

Environmentalist organizations have used images from South Pacific islands to illustrate the disastrous effects of rising sea levels. But a group of French researchers has found that the problem is much more complicated: The islands are also being pulled under by shifting tectonic plates.

Things are more complicated than we think, you see. Or more simple, I mean. There, that was it. I feel better now.

“Momombo wako (the white man from the big island)!” Or “Momombo wackos (environmental terror mongers from elsewhere)!” if you prefer.

Bonds, German Bonds

June 14, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Borrowing, Economics, Economy, Euro Crise, Euro Zone, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Merkel, Monetary Policy, Satire, The Euro Leave a comment

That’s the thing about a crisis: There’s always a winner, too. Take the euro crises, for instance. And the demand for German bonds these days.

Demand for German bonds, seen as the safest haven in the euro zone, has pushed Berlin’s borrowing costs so low that some investors are effectively paying Germany for the privilege of lending it money.

Damn. This gives German bondage a whole new meaning.

Low interest rates on German bonds are translating into billions in savings. Now economists have calculated that the country should be able to balance its budget by next year — something that is likely to increase criticism of Germany’s crisis management.

…The perception that Germany is benefiting financially from the crisis while imposing strict austerity measures on countries in southern Europe is unlikely to win many friends for Chancellor Angela Merkel, who is already highly unpopular in countries such as Greece.

Speaking Of Presidents… You Call This Being “Increasingly Disillusioned” With Obama?

June 13, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Blind Obedience, Disillusion, Europe, Europeans, German, Germans, Germany, Gleichschaltung, Humor, Media Control, Obama, Polls, Satire, Surveys 1 Comment

Well, there’s disillusion and there’s disillusion.

A new survey indicates that German disillusionment with the US president is “widespread.” Wow, like what a surprise or something. Even the Germans catch on eventually.

But wait, please look a little closer. The real news story has to do with the numbers behind this so-called disillusionment. “Disillusionment with Obama” over here means:

Nevertheless, they (the Germans) still have overwhelming confidence in Obama’s overall international leadership. In fact, at 87 percent, Germans are the most supportive in Europe… And nine out of 10 Germans want to see Obama re-elected.

Huh? OK. Unbelievable as usual. It never ceases to amaze me. In a nation so openly sensitive to the concept of Gleichschaltung (enforced political conformity, as in the Third Reich kind), how can you get more gleichgeschaltet than that?

In retrospect, hopes for an Obama presidency were unrealistically high, especially among Europeans.

Genetically-Unmodified Germans Still Opposed To Genetically-Modified Foods

June 11, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Agriculture, Berlin, Food, Genetic Engineering, Genetically-Modified Food, German, Germans, Germany, GM Crops, Humor, Hunger, Progress, Satire, Science 1 Comment

Who cares if genetically-modified crops are now making up a large proportion of harvests in North and South America?

Germans aren’t buying any of this dangerous, hi-tech agro-terror crop, I mean crap because, well, genetically-modified crops are now making up a large proportion of harvests in North and South America (the key word here is North).

After all, any German you ask will tell you that the effect of consuming GM crops is unknown. Other than becoming hungry if you don’t eat them maybe, which is also unknown here. And this only backs up their argument, I think, sort of.

Nach den Plänen der EU-Kommission sollen die weniger strengen Gentechnik-Regelungen für Futtermittel auf Lebensmittel übertragen werden.

Mehr Fluglärm? Nein Danke!

June 10, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Aircraft, Berlin, Cuxhaven, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Private Space Travel, Psychology, Satire, Space, Space Planes, Spacecraft, Technology 1 Comment

The next wave of vociferous protests by residents complaining about excessive aircraft noise is being preprogrammed in Germany. Even if the airport in question is in the middle of German nowhere.

California-based XCOR Aerospace is developing a suborbital aircraft called the Lynx space plane which will carry paying passengers to the stratosphere. Unfortunately for them, capable engineers that they surely are, none of these guys has ever been to Germany. Otherwise they wouldn’t have had the not-so-bright idea to try to use an airport near Cuxhaven for their so-called Sea-Airport.

Germans don’t like airport noise, you see. They don’t like technology that isn’t German, either, or any of that other futuristic Scheiß (crap). And they don’t like “neoliberal” globalisation plans for world revolution (literally, this time). And they don’t like millionaires, either. A ride aboard the Lynx will retail at around $95,000. That means it’s time to agitate again or something, before the project can even begin. Bah! Hamburg! I mean Humbug!

Das Projekt sei freilich erst “in den Anfängen einer Ideenfindung.”

Where Have All The Exports Gone?

June 8, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Imports, Satire, The Debt Crisis, The EU, The Euro, The Euro Zone, Trade Leave a comment

The ones that used to go to the euro zone, I mean. Wo sind sie geblieben?

German imports tumbled at their fastest rate in two years in April and exports fell, adding to evidence that Europe’s largest economy is beginning to feel the chill from the euro zone debt crisis.

Hey, I’m all for austerity, too, Germany. But when your European partners are too austere to buy your German products, what happens then?

That’s when Plan B kicks in (the German master plan is well thought out, you know, the diabolical #!?§#!s): Exports to non-EU markets are now on the rise.

“German companies feel that foreign demand isn’t as dynamic as it used to be as the global economy is entering a weaker phase. The weakness originates in the euro area, where the debt crisis can no longer be felt only through budget cuts and austerity but increasingly creates uncertainty about economic prospects, which is reflected in weaker investment.”

Sex, Smokes, Alcohol…

June 7, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Health, Hotness, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Athletes, Berlin, Euro 2012, Football, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Sex, Soccer, Sports, Training Leave a comment

More sex, and then maybe some soccer at one point.

Yup, it’s time for Euro 2012. And the German team is ready to get it on, so-to-speak. German Manager Joachim Löw is taking a more relaxed approach to his squad this time around as his players will be allowed to “drink, smoke, tweet and mix with their girlfriends” during the Euro 2012 competition.

But he is still a German, after all, so Ordnung muss sein (it must be orderly). Conjugal visits in the team hotel will be limited to specific times.

Germany may not win Euro 2012, but they’ll have the most fun there.

Germans Really Are Peaceniks After All

June 3, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, History, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Israel, Mutually Assured Destruction, Nuclear weapons, Satire, Self-Defense, Submarines, Technology, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

The submarines they have furnished Israel with will certainly be keeping the peace.

Israel is arming these Dolphin class subs with nuclear-tipped cruise missiles. Any nation that attacks Israel with a nuclear weapon will live to regret it. Not for very long, though.

Now this is gun control that really works. And here we thought the Germans were so down on nuclear power and all that.

“Darauf kann Deutschland stolz sein.”

Mark Your Calendars And Place Your Bets

June 1, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Idealism, Naivete, Political Parties, Satire, Socialism, The Innocent 2 Comments

I had no idea Auflösungserscheinungen (signs of disintegration) could occur this quickly with “progressive” political parties, not even in Germany. But disintegrating they are, two of them, right before our very eyes.

Let’s make a bet:

In three years at the latest, the Left Party will have completely lost whatever very, very little relevance they are said to have once had (still have?).

In two years time, no one will be reporting about the Pirate Party at all anymore. Not even Der Spiegel.

If I lose the bet, I’ll admit that I was wrong and you can buy me a cup of coffee. If I’m right, I won’t have to admit I was wrong and you can still buy me the cup of coffee.

“Ich bin müde, ausgepowert, erschöpft.”

PS: Little Big Man Oskar Lafontaine just shot himself in the foot for the last time (I hope) and the Left Party is now mutating back to roll over and die on either side of its natural East-West divide, with the Communists of the East literally dying off like flies and the Möchtegern (wannabe) Communists of the West having lost interest and now wandering off for the latest next great cause (see Pirate Party). The Pirate Party has already long reached its fraternity house gag zenith and just will not function, “transparancy” or not, because it refuses to develop a platform more suitable for the inhabitants of Planet Earth, much less a structure of any kind, and the people supposedly running the show throw in the towels quicker than they can learn how to use them (they don’t bathe regulary, get it?). That guy up there (and the guy right after him) quite from exhaustion after a couple of days of something that used to be called “work,” just like that.

I wish I could make stuff like this up but I can’t.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Satire