Our Wind Farms Would Work Just Great

November 17, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Atomic energy, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire, The Greens, Wind Energy, Wind Farms Leave a comment

It’s just that we don’t have the cables to bring the energy to shore (nor the money to lay them).

The network operator building those giant offshore wind farms planned to be a “supporting column” in Germany’s coming-one-day-but-not-in-any-way-near-there-yet energy turnaround, is no longer able to continue “work as usual.”

Like the Dutch government before them, having learned that offshore wind power is too expensive and that it cannot afford to subsidize the entire cost, the good folks at TenneT TSO GmbH are now about to throw in the towel, seemingly unable to find financing in the private sector that would allow them to continue their over cost and behind schedule project (it’s probably them damned durn banks doing this again, or that 1%).

The connection from Water World (Wind World?) back to Planet Earth has turned out to be more complicated and expensive than politically correct planners had originally thought, in other words, provided they had even thought about it at all.

But don’t worry, Green Shirt ideologues have already assured us that “If Tennent can’t swing the offshore development, somebody else can.” Money seems to be no object here, you see. When it’s not yours, I mean.

“Wenn Tennet den Offshore-Ausbau nicht schultern kann, müssen andere ran.”

Dumbass Computer Gamers

November 14, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Computer Games, Gaming, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Intelligence, Research, Satire Leave a comment

As everybody out there knows… All this computer game nonsense (not to mention the violence) is dumbing down our kids and ravaging our European cultural identity (or at least yours).

“Scientists at the Berliner Berliner Charité medical school have made a surprising discovery: Moderate computer game players have a great deal more brain volume.”

Von wegen, Computerspiele machen dumm – Untersuchungen mit Magnetresonanztomografen ergaben, dass die Hirnstruktur von moderaten Computer-Spielern ausgeprägert ist.

Staunch Communist Seeking Deluded Socialist For Meaningful Progressive Relationship, Common Starry-Eyed Idealist Undertakings And Hot Passionate Sex

November 13, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, High Art Tags: Berlin, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Left Party, Satire, Socialism 3 Comments

And just when you thought the Left Party freak show couldn’t get any freakier.

Now when former Left Party boss Oskar Lafontaine and Sahra “The Stalinist” Wagenknecht aren’t working on plans to redistribute other people’s wealth and ensure that the means of other people’s production are at the service of the whole of society, they’re – you might want to look away here – gettin’ it on.

Like how revolting can revolution get?

“Es ist alles gesagt.”

99% Plus 53% Makes How Much Percent?

October 24, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Higher Education Tags: 53%, 99%, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Occupy Berlin, Occupy Wall Street, Satire 5 Comments

Now that it’s getting cold and wet on Wall Street (and elsewhere) the 100% of the 99% are beginning to reevaluate whether or not they will be able to continue whining at 100% or whether it might not be better for them now to just shut up already and start biting the bullet like that ugly 53% does.

There could never be a 53% movement in Germany, you know. Germans are always in the upper 80s to lower 90s.

53 Prozent, weil dies die Menge derer sei, die mehr Einkommensteuer zahlen, als sie an Abschreibungen und sonstigen Entlastungen zurückbekommen. “Wir sind diejenigen, die für diejenigen zahlen, die sich gerade über dieses und jenes und irgendwie alles beschweren.”

Germans Puzzled By Rising Electricity Prices

October 20, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Atomic power, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Nuclear power, Renewable energy, The Greens 4 Comments

They are also puzzled about the increased number of “mini-blackouts” taking place across the land.

And no one can properly explain these mysterious phenomena, although the Internet portal Verivox gave it a halfhearted try: The increased share in the costs for renewable energy and the ten percent wholesale energy price increase which resulted after the shutdown of eight nuclear power plants this sommer are responsible.

To be fair, electricity prices rise here very year. To be unfair, most German media and the poltical elite refuse to admit that the price increases now taking place are a direct result of their hysterical nuclear phase-out Aktionismus (politicking).

Als Grund gab Verivox die gestiegene Umlage für die erneuerbaren Energien sowie die Erhöhung der Großhandelspreise an, die für rund 15 Euro Mehrkosten im Jahr verantwortlich sein werden. Die Großhandelspreise waren nach der Abschaltung von acht deutschen Atomkraftwerken im Sommer um rund zehn Prozent nach oben geschossen.

The Scam That Keeps On Giving

October 18, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Early Retirement, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Hypochondria, Retirement, Satire, Scams, Shams 6 Comments

Word has clearly gotten out now. What used to be a Geheimtipp (insiders’ tip) has now become a full-fledged and nationally recognized Volkssport (national sport): Early retirement due to mental illness.

Up some 6,000 from the previous year, more and more Germans (71,000) are now being “forced” to retire early each and every year because they suffer from things like anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, multiple generalized anxiety disorder, mega ultra super mulitple generalized really really bad anxiety disorder and other such imaginary diseases.

In fact, being mental is now the number one main excuse used to have to go into “involuntary retirement” in Germany, with the average age of these hapless victims being 48, by the way.

Fear industry profiteers, I mean experts, are happy to report that the increased number of diagnosed cases is due to a greater willingness of sufferers to openly admit their problems, although none of these experts are able or willing to explain where this sudden willingness comes from.

Über das Thema werde jetzt “offener geredet und deshalb diagnostizieren Ärzte jetzt eher psychische Ursachen von Leiden.”

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

October 5, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Depression, Fear, Fear Industry, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Hypochondria, Satire 2 Comments

First the good news: Germans are no more depressive than they used to be.

The bad news is that they are now no longer expected to keep their depressions to themselves and are being asked to come out of their closets to tell everybody about it.

The numbers are shocking or something. Fear industry experts at the Foundation for German Depression Assistance say that there are four million depressed people in Germany, two-thirds of them being women. Just like the rest of us, their lives are filled with angst, emptiness and desperation. But unlike others, these folks are much easier to manipulate (by organizations like the Foundation of German Depression Assistance, for instance) and can and will be made to come public with their ailments, real or imaginary, thus “breaking a taboo” and further increasing their number and the throng of psychotherapeutically challenged pilgrims to organizations like, well, take a guess.

The development is in fact so dramatic that comedian Harald Schmidt has been asked to get involved as a sponsor. And anybody who wasn’t depressed before attending a conference moderated by this guy will be by the time he leaves.

Gee. All of this gives German depression assistance a whole new meaning or something.

Vier Millionen Depressive in Deutschland – das kann nicht nur am Fernsehprogramm liegen.

Google Still Evil

September 28, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Debt, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Money, Public Debt, Satire 3 Comments

But at least it saves German companies tons of money.

Something called the Institute for German Economy has just found out that fast research (and other services) carried out using Google saves German companies some 6.84 euros per employee per year. And how did they find this stuff out? I dunno. I guess they googled it or something.

Unfortunately, Google doesn’t seem to be helping the German national debt very much these days. In absolute terms, every German citizen carries 24,904 euros worth of public debt, whatever public debt is worth these days. Are we having a Greece here yet?

„Wirkungsvolle Online-Tools sind heute entscheidend für Umsatz, Produktivität und Innovationsfähigkeit vieler Unternehmen.“

I Can’t Look Away

September 27, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Health, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Addiction, Berlin, Fear, Fear Industry, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Internet, Internet Addiction, Satire 4 Comments

Nor blink anymore. Remember the old days when addiction had to do with actual addiction? I mean, with an actual substance? No, I guess you don’t.

Anyways, a new fear industry report tells us that some 560,000 Germans are now “addicted” to the Internet. How shocking or something.

Addiction here means that these poor lamentable victims can no longer stop surfing on their own (that’s why they – and we – need the fear industry, see?). Like the helpless zombies that they are, these addicts live day and night (mostly night) in a so-called “virtual world” because it is there and only there that they can find fulfillment and recognition (albeit virtual fulfillment and virtual recognition).

And their addiction is in fact so way bad out of control that many of these victims (and I really want to stress the word victims here) no longer go to school, university or, gulp, even work (even when they have work, which most probably don’t, and which can also be very addictive, by the way, the work, I mean).

Doesn’t anybody out there care? Other than me (not)?

And doesn’t anybody out there other than me break out in loud laughter when reading ridiculous nonsense like this? Hello? Does anybody read me? Or am I lost in my “virtual world” again? Uh oh. The sun’s coming up.

Das seien etwa ein Prozent der 14- bis 64-Jährigen, sagte die Drogenbeauftragte der Bundesregierung.

Environmentally Motivated?

September 23, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts Tags: Berlin, Bottles, Deposits, German, Germans, Germany, Poverty Leave a comment

Berlin is more of a hartes Pflaster (tough pavement/place) than you might think (these guys are everywhere).

More and more locals are scouring the city’s streets and bins for empty glass and plastic bottles, which they can turn in to collect a cash deposit. Many of the bottle-collectors say they are forced to do it to make ends meet.

Consumers pay the deposit when they buy drinks in shops and supermarkets – eight euro cents ($0.10) for glass bottles and 25 euro cents for plastic ones. They get their deposits back when they return their empties.

Initially, it was mainly homeless people, alcoholics and drug addicts living on the streets who collected the bottles. But recently, it’s been Berlin’s financially troubled pensioners and long-term unemployed who have turned to collecting the discarded bottles as well.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hard Facts