Sure Is Cold In Here

May 2, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Euro Zone, Europe, France, German, Germans, Germany, Hollande, Merkel, Paris 1 Comment

The issues at stake are not trivial ones. At the core of the Franco-German conflict is no less a matter than the question of how Europe can shake off the current crisis. Merkel is convinced this can only be achieved by implementing reforms — austerity, liberalization of the labor market and restructuring of social welfare systems.

But Hollande is unwilling to let Germany impose its model on France. He fears the European recession will only worsen if Berlin succeeds in implementing its austerity plans.

Even in the euro crisis, Germany is reluctant to be seen as sole leader. It badly needs a French economic revival to have a plausible partner at the top again.

“This is why, ultimately, it does not matter whether they like each other—that has not been the case for years.”

Germans Bemoan Loaned Drones And Condone Owned Drones Instead

May 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Aircraft, Berlin, Drones, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Satire, Surveillance, Weapons 1 Comment

Drones aren’t so evil after all, it seems. As long as Germans are flying them, I mean.

A German Defense Ministry representative says that the US is ready to approve an official German request for three armed MQ-9 Reaper drone aircraft (formerly known as the “Predator B”) and four ground control stations, to be filed in May this year.

A Forsa survey released earlier in April suggested that only 12 percent of Germans supported the use of armed drones in all circumstances. A majority of 59 percent approved the idea, however, provided that the aircraft were only used to ward off clear and present danger.

Nur wenige Bundesbürger sind gegen den Einsatz. In einer Forsa-Umfrage für die Zeitschrift „Internationale Politik” sprachen sich 12 Prozent der Befragten für eine generelle Erlaubnis aus, 59 Prozent plädierten für einen Drohnen-Einsatz unter bestimmten Bedingungen, etwa zur Abwendung einer unmittelbaren Gefahr. Nur 27 Prozent der Bundesbürger wollen bewaffnete Drohnen generell verbieten.

Spring Is In The Air Right Now

April 30, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Capitalism, Berlin, Capitalism, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Labor Day, May 1, May Day, Satire, Tradition, Violence 1 Comment

Here in Berlin. Just like the teargas will be tomorrow.

And if we’re really lucky, we’ll have a good old-fashioned senselessly violent “Antikapitalistischen Walpurgisnacht” (anti-capitalist Walpurgis Night) tonight, too!

So y’all have a wonderful German May Day celebration, ya-here (not established as a public holiday until 1933)?

In der Vergangenheit war es in Berlin in der Walpurgisnacht und am 1. Mai häufig zu gewalttätigen Ausschreitungen am Rand von Demonstrationen der linken Szene gekommen. In diesem Jahr wollen sowohl linke Gruppen als auch die NPD in Berlin demonstrieren.

Vote For Us And We’ll Raise Your Taxes (As In Their Taxes)

April 29, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Equality, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Justice, Political Parties, Satire, Taxation, Zero-Sum Fallacy Leave a comment

Ever feel like you fell down the rabbit hole? Spend some time in Germany and then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Only in Germany can a political party go for (and actually get) votes by promising to raise taxes.

Delegates at a Greens party convention in Berlin yesterday voted through plans to raise the top rate of income tax to 49 percent for those earning 80,000 euros ($104,000) a year or more, and to 45 percent from 42 percent above 60,000 euros. They also backed a “wealth levy” on the richest to pay down 100 billion euros of Germany’s state debt over 10 years.

And a whole lot of German voters actually get excited about this kind of nonsense. It’s often a zero-sum mentality game over here, you see. You know, the way of thinking that hinges on the notion that there must be one winner and one loser and for every gain there is a loss? Take from the rich and give to the poor, in other words. Or Umverteilung (redistribution), if you prefer.

Of course what the Green Shirts are actually doing is selling “equality” where there is a huge demand and buying Neid (envy) where there is an even bigger supply.

“Nirgendwo in der OECD ist die Ungleichheit so schnell gestiegen wie in Deutschland.”

The Richard Wagner Bicentennial Jubilee Fun Time Celebration Bash Is Well Underway

April 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Semitism, Berlin, Composers, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler, Music, Nazis, Richard Wagner 2 Comments

But the Partystimmung (party atmosphere) can be a little problematic at times.

How do you celebrate the bicentenary of a great composer who also happened to be an anti-Semite, who posthumously inspired Hitler, and whose works featured prominently in the cultural life of the Third Reich?

That’s easy, really. You do what you’ve got to do with Wagner (if you’re a Wagner fan or a German unable to ignore him). As Friedrich Nietzsche said 125 years ago: “The Germans have cooked up a Wagner whom they can honor. And they are thankful for being able to misunderstand him.”

And as Woody Allen said quite some time later: “I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

“Die Deutschen haben sich einen Wagner zurechtgemacht, den sie verehren können: … sie sind damit dankbar, dass sie missverstehn.”

Five-Year-Old-Sex-Education, German Style

April 26, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Educators, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Pedagogue, Politicians, Sex, Sex Education, SPD, Teachers 2 Comments

Or Berlin style, I should say.

German school children as young as five were given a sex-education book giving graphic advice on how to put on a condom and how to achieve orgasms.

According to Spiegel Online, the school in the Kreuzberg area of Berlin did not initially respond to parents’ complaints.

It was only when the local press got wind of the controversy and complaints were made to the city’s governing body, the Berlin Senate, that anything was done.

Damn. Berlin city government just can’t stop rocking these days.

“When it’s so good that it can’t get any better, Lisa and Lars have an orgasm.”

This Was Not Planned So It Cannot Be Happening

April 25, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Energy, Energy Turnaround, Environment, Fracking, Gas, German, Germans, Germany, Green Shirts, Greens, Shale Gas, Technology Leave a comment

Or will not be happening, I should say.

As you know, Germany is green. And Germans are greener than green. Why, Germans are so green that Jamaicans want to roll them up and smoke them.

And Germans also like sticking to “the plan,” too (think Stalingrad). So they do not, I repeat do not appreciate it when, as in this case, their ambitious environmental plans get disturbed by unforseen technological developments that were not considered in the original plan and therefore start turning the whole Schlamassel (mess) into a really, really big and annoying, well, Schlamassel (think Stalingrad again).

It goes like this: “Ambitious environmental goals are far less meaningful if the economy withers in achieving them.” So when something really tempting comes along like shale gas drilling (hydraulic fracturing or “fracking”), a technology that could give Germany access to enough reserves to feed natural gas demand for 20 years, then that gets not-so-thoroughly-green people (yes, there still are a few specimens left) to thinking, plan or not.

So there we have it. And that’s the end of it (ask any German Green Shirt). Fracking can’t happen here. It is ideologically inadmissable. Fracking is something that those crazy Americans and their evil multi-national oil companies do, not us (multi-national oil companies are always American, by the way – don’t ask). Nope, fracking can never happen here. Never in a million years. Not this year anyway.

“We are sitting on Swiss cheese. The risks are just too high.”

Where’s The Enlightenment When You Need It?

April 24, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Jewish Museum Berlin, Jews, Moses Mendelssohn, Quotas, Regulation, Satire, Taxation, The Enlightenment, The Green Shirts 4 Comments

This is German regulation madness at its best. Or, to be fair, Berliner Green Shirt regulation madness at its best.

The city district council of Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg (the Greens) is currently causing not just a little bewilderment by refusing to name the square in front of Berlin’s Jewish Museum after Moses Mendelssohn, the German Jewish Enlightenment philosopher. No, not because they’re anti-Semites (at least not openly). It’s because Mendelssohn was not a woman.

You see, the district parliament decided back in 2005 (Greens and SPD) that 50 percent of the district’s streets and squares had to be named after women. Until that goal is reached, no new streets or squares will be allowed to be named after men, except in exceptional cases. Which this one isn’t, I guess.

This is about as small-minded as you can get, of course, and it fits perfectly with mainstream Green ideology, I find, in that nothing the Greens ever do or say can ever be allowed to be labelled as being small-minded or petit bourgeois in any way. But of course practically everything they do, well, is.

Die kleingeistige Posse spielt vor der Tür des weltweit bekannten Jüdischen Museums. Die Hauptakteure hocken in der mit Abstand stärksten Fraktion des Bezirks: Es sind die Grünen. Sie schämen sich nicht, „das leider falsche Geschlecht“ Mendelssohns in einem Satz mit dem „Projekt Unisextoiletten“ abzuhandeln.

PS: Speaking of Berlin city government in action: Oh boy! The new tourist tax is here! The new tourist tax is here!

Justin Bieber To Spank His Monkey

April 23, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Customs, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Immigration, Justin Bieber, Leave It to Beaver, Mally the Monkey, Munich, Satire 1 Comment

For not having any papers on him after landing in Munich in March. Or he sure would like to spank him now, I bet.

The popular god-awful and astoundingly annoying suckling superstar clearly had no idea that German customs authorities don’t cut slack for anybody, not even for monkeys – or a guy who’s last name means “beaver” in German.

His dumbass animal of a monkey “Mally” is still under animal shelter arrest and won’t be going anywhere until Bieber or an actual grownup get in touch with the German customs authorities directly (that is the custom here) and he’s running out of time fast.

This gives Leave It to Beaver a whole new meaning, if you ask me. Whether he spanks his monkey or not.

“Ward, I’m worried about the Beaver.”

Germany Honestly Not Seeking Hegemony In Europe I Swear

April 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Atavism, Economics, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Euro Zone, German, Germans, Germany, Hegemony, Humor, Satire, World Domination Leave a comment

German Chancellor Angela Merkel rejected again today claims that her country was seeking hegemony in the European Union.

“We already are the largest economy in Europe,” she might have said. “Like, by a long shot. So why on earth would we want to do that? All we want to do is just keep exercising our predominant influence over all those other namby-pamby nations around us and with time, through peaceful terms and non-aggression, achieve world, I mean, total European domination.”

“Germany has a sometimes complicated role,” she actually said. “Because we are the largest economy – we are not the richest, but we are the largest. Therefore Germany will only act together with the others – hegemony is totally foreign to me.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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