Well It’s Certainly Anti-Something

Whether the quotes below from Jakob Augstein (Der Spiegel) are anti-Semitic or not, you decide.

Jakob Augstein

One thing is for sure, though: If a German is not sure about which opinion is the “correct” one he is supposed to have, he takes a quick read through the Spiegel to find out.  These quotes represent mainstream thinking in Germany today.

“With backing from the US, where the president must secure the support of Jewish lobby groups, and in Germany, where coping with history, in the meantime, has a military component, the Netanyahu government keeps the world on a leash with an ever-swelling war chant.”

“Israel’s nuclear power is a danger to the already fragile peace of the world. This statement has triggered an outcry.Because it’s true. And because it was made by a German, Guenter Grass, author and Nobel Prize winner. That is the key point. One must, therefore, thank him for taking it upon himself to speak for us all.”

“Israel is threatened by Islamic fundalmentalists in its neighborhood. But the Jews also have their fundamentalists, the ultra-orthodox Hareidim. They are not a small splinter group. They make up 10% of the Israeli population. They are cut from the same cloth as their Islamic fundamentalist opponents. They follow the law of revenge.”

“The fire burns in Libya, Sudan, Yemen, in countries which are among the poorest on earth. But those who set the fires live elsewhere. Furious young people burn the American, and recently, the German flag. They, too, are victims, just like the dead at Benghazi and Sanaa. Whom does this all this violence benefit? Always the insane and unscrupulous. And this time it’s the U.S. Republicans and Israeli government.”

“Gaza is a place out of the end of times….1.7 million people live there on 360 sq. kilometers. Israel incubates its own opponents there.”

1.4 Will Get You 5.5

Just in case you wondering about the virtues of stringent gun control laws in a country like Germany…

Gun

It turns out that there are 1.4 million Germans who legally own weapons. There are about 5.5 million weapons in circulation, however.

This is a so-called Widerspruch (contradiction), isn’t it? No German would/should own more than one weapon, (and one bullet) would/should he/she? I, for one, feel that German lawmakers should waste no time or effort in passing even more stringent gun control legislation immediately to well, uh, clear this Widerspruch up ASAP real pronto like already.

Die Deutschen haben rund 5,5 Millionen Waffen im Privatbesitz. Legale Besitzer gibt es aber nur 1,4 Millionen.

10 Years Of College Down The Drain

I mean 10 years of hilarious German-Afghan Police Academy high jinks!

High jinks

German officials have been training police in Afghanistan for a decade, but a visit to their training center in Mazar-e-Sharif creates major doubts about the effectiveness of the mission. Afghan police remain poorly prepared to tackle the mighty challenges they will face as Western forces withdraw. 

“What we want to achieve with the recruits is a change in mentality,” says a German instructor. “More team spirit, a better sense of community, more loyalty. More soccer, less buzkashi*.”

*Buzkashi is the Afghan national sport and is a game in which horsemen battle over a goat carcass.

Euro Crisis Is Over Or Something

So have a Happy New Year already.

Germany’s finance minister says the worst of euro area’s debt crisis appears to be over after three years of worries over Greece and other members of the group of 17 European Union countries that use the single currency.

Meanwhile…

Austerity in action.

Berlin’s mantra about spending cuts in the eurozone is bringing unemployment and spreading hopelessness across Europe.

So take your pick, it’s both.

“I think we have the worst behind us.”

 

The New York Times Must Be Hurting Even More Than We Thought

Wow. Front page material even (online): Cindy aus Marzahn herself.

Cindy aus Marzahn

An overweight 6-foot-2-inch Valkyrie of a woman in a pink velour sweatsuit, Cindy plays up the worst stereotypes of Germany’s contemporary version of the welfare queen. She wakes up at 2 o’clock in the afternoon and begins drinking. Her dream man, Enrico, stands 4-foot-10, weighs 375 pounds and works as a bouncer.

Critics call her act offensive, lowbrow and worse, mixing high-minded attacks on her with patronizing depictions of her supposedly benighted fans.

“I have Alzheimer’s bulimia,” Cindy likes to say. “I eat everything in sight and then forget to throw up.”

I Got Your Demographics For You Right Here

No babies. And no immigrants, either.

Each year, the German government spends billions of euros in an effort to stop the country’s ticking demographic time bomb. By 2050, it is estimated that only 70 million people will be living in the country, down from today’s roughly 82 million. Without a major change in the birthrate or a mass influx of up to 24 million new immigrants, the population could soon begin shrinking, according to United Nations forecasts…

Birthrate this.

“…Germany underestimated the importance of a culture of welcome and overestimated the attractiveness as a country of immigration,” said Ulrich Kober of the Bertelsmann Foundation which commissioned the study released on Monday.

The country could pay a heavy price for its anti-immigration views as its older workforce dies out, concludes the Foundation. “Highly qualified people from non-EU countries actively avoid moving to Germany,” added Herr Kober.

German Security Officials Now Ready To Consider Introducing More McDonald’s Restaurants

After the German city of Bonn narrowly escaped a deadly bombing last week – and unable to locate the suspected radical Islamist perpetrators due to a lack of recorded surveillance images – German authorities are now ready to consider intensifying the use of CCTV surveillance in Germany by dramatically increasing the number of McDonald’s restaurants allowed to open for business here.

Achtung, baby!

“Violent criminals could be deterred and crimes and planned attacks more quickly cleared up with increased McDonald’s video technology in public spaces,” one Interior Ministry spokesman said. “I mean, like we’ve got to do something now, don’t we?”

The only surveillance images that could help the police in the hunt for the Bonn perpetrators come from the McDonald’s fast food chain. Unlike Deutsche Bahn, the McDonald’s restaurant on Platform 1 did record activity with its surveillance cameras.

Ronald McDonald Sees All

You can run, suspected terrorist types, but you can’t hide from the Golden Arches.

Ronald sees all.

After discovering and destroying a “highly dangerous” explosive device at Bonn’s central train station, German police are now patting themselves on the back for having already made their first arrest in the case, all thanks to the dreaded (in Germany) security camera footage in use there.

No, not the footage from the security cameras aimed at the platform where the device was found – there was no coverage there – this footage came from the security cameras used at the central station’s US-Amerikan McDonald’s restaurant.

You know, die totale Überwachung (the total surveillance) state and all that? Germans don’t like that kind of stuff for some reason (that terrorist suspect dude doesn’t like it much either, I bet). It has to do with data privacy or Google Street View or something. I forget.

Would you like fries with that?

Zwar appellieren Datenschützer, bei der Überwachung öffentlichen Raumes die Verhältnismäßigkeit zu wahren. Doch etwa in Ballungszentren Großbritanniens hat man sich an flächendeckende Kamerapräsenz längst gewöhnt – und davon kann die Polizei häufig profitieren.

Secret Weapons Deals?

Since when has any of this been a secret?

Made in Germany.

That Germany is the world’s third largest weapons exporter, I mean (preferably to the Middle East these days, by the way). So what’s the problem here? Germany is simultaneously the world’s number one pacifist nation too, you know.

But to make matters even, uh, better, some here are unabashedly calling this enlightened policy “the Merkel Doctrine” now: It’s better to maintain peace by selling weapons, rather than have to fight for it. They have to be German weapons, of course. But still. You know, help those who help themselves while you’re helping yourself at the same time?

Wait a minute. Hasn’t that always been the doctrine here?

Waffen verkaufen, statt selber zu kämpfen.